That Story By An Author That Made This Annoyingly & Unnecessary Long Title

My final 1D Story

Trigger warning: this is quite personal and mentions body insecurity and cutting.

Ok, today has been possibly one of the worse days EVER. There's many reasons and since I'm leaving and I want to let this steam off, I'm going to post a very detailed personal 1D story about me.

It was 2012 when I first started liking 1D. It was the summer, and I had obssessed over them the entire summer. I will admit, I was a pretty fake fan. Like I'm pretty sure back then it really was just a phase for me. I started liking them because of Zayn, because I thought he was Mexican and that made me feel exited. Later, I found out he was Pakistani but I still loved him nonetheless, ya know? Even if he wasn't Mexican. So I started liking the entire band and their music, and I was having lots of fun, ya know? Then I went back to school and everything kinda crashed.

That summer I had gained a lot of weight. I wasn't very insecure about it until my family members pointed it out any time they could. They'd pick on me, and they'd tease me, and they'd tell me to get skinny and pretty again. It damaged my entire self esteem which led me to start trying to starve myself. I'd be embarrased to eat in front of people because I thought they'd judge me for eating, so I just stopped. After that didn't work, I went to cutting. All of this going on, and then 1D release Little Things. That was when I first started feeling confident of myself again. I was happy...only for it to be smashed by my brother when he started bashing the song and calling it "stupid" He said that any girl that actually buys into the song is stupid, and well that hurt me because that song HELPED ME. It hurt fucking TONS.

Later on, I regained my confidence. I stopped listening to my family and got more into 1D. They were my new source of happiness. The only place that I could actually feel safe and happy as the 1d community (or most of it) spread body positiveness a lot. After a while, I started being happy with myself. I stoppped starving myself and stuff, and I was done with harming myself. I was HAPPY.

When it comes to my sadness, it really mostly comes from my family. Not my friends, not school, none of that. It comes from my family. They cause my sadness and ridicule me when the only source of happiness I have is slowly fading apart.

"Omfg WHY ARE YOU CRYING. YOU'RE SO RIDICULOUS, THEY'RE JUST A BAND."

I got many variations of this today and I just want to tell my family this:

FUCK YOU

FUCK YOU FOR ALWAYS RIDICULING ME FOR LIKING THIS ONE BAND

FUCK YOU FOR MAKING ME FEEL INSECURE

FUCK YOU FOR MAKING FUN OF SOMETHING THAT HELPED ME GET MY CONFIDENCE BACK

FUCK YOU FOR CAUSING MY SADNESS. JUST...fuck you.

And the thing that bothers me most about this is why the fuck they care. Why the FUCK do you are about how this affects me? How does me crying over my favorite band member leaving the band AFFECT YOU IN ANY FUCKING WAY.

So yes, it's been a really fucking tough day for me and im glad I could let it all out here. Also, the last chapter ever will be posted tomorrow :)