Never Told You

Chapter Eighteen

When we got to Julian's, he showed me the couch and gave me a pillow and blanket.

"If you're hungry, the kitchen is through that doorway. Help yourself. I'll see you in the morning." I nodded, but I wasn't hungry at all. I laid my head on the pillow, and was out right away.

"Good morning!!!" I woke up to a little girl screaming. When I opened my eyes, she was standing right in front of me. I smiled at her, she was adorable. I understood why it was so important for Julian to work where we do. I felt bad for him. I looked at my phone and saw that River had tried calling and texting. I sighed. I looked at the little girl.

"Is your dad up?" She nodded yes.

"He in da bafrom." I could barely understand what she said, but it was cute. Julian walked into the living room and picked up the little girl.

"Hello princess, what are you doing in here?" She pointed to me.

"Hey, I'm gonna head out. Thank you for letting me stay the night. I need to go deal with my stuff." Julian nodded.

"Okay, be safe. Oh, and make sure to eat some breakfast. It's not just you you're worrying about anymore." I nodded in agreement and got up. I walked out the door to my car. When I was in, I was getting a call. I checked my phone to see it was from River. I decided to answer.

"River, what do you want?" He was silent for a minute.

"Lauren, I don't know what you were talking about. I didn't cheat on you. What gave you that impression?"

"The fucking video that got sent to my phone yesterday River! Of you and Alyssa. Going to town on each other. You can't lie to me anymore. I'm not stupid. That video has a timestamp, and it said it happened the night before my appointment. After I trusted you, and gave you everything." River was silent.

"I...I thought that was you..I was told that was you. It looked like you. I had drank some soda, and then...I don't remember after that." My heart started beating fast. What did they do to River? It was Molly, and Alyssa.

"I've got to call you back." I hung up and drove to Alyssa's. She opened when I knocked.

"Lauren, how are you? I haven't heard from you in awhile." I knew she could tell I was pissed off.

"Why did you fuck River? Why did you and Molly drug him? Was it to fuck with me? It didn't work, so start explaining yourself bitch." She gulped her spit down her throat. She didn't say anything for awhile. I heard a car pull up only to realize it was River.

"Look, I did something bad a few years ago, and I had to help Moll-" I was so angry that I punched her in the face. She swung back, but missed me. I tackled her to the ground and started hammering her face.

"Don't ever fuck with my relationship again! Don't ever come near River, or me. I will fucking kill you if you send so much as a text to him!" River pulled me off of Alyssa. My hands were bloody, and Alyssa's face was swollen.

"Don't call the cops, Alyssa. Or that terrible thing you did, will come out. Molly already told me, and I have to video." I was breathing heavily, and River put me in his car. He grabbed my duffle out of my car and put it in his trunk. He then took off, but not in any familiar direction. I stayed silent for a while.

"I met Julian's daughter." River dropped the glare on his face.

"Oh, you stayed with him then?" I nodded, and realized he couldn't see me nod.

"Yeah, I did. It made me think. He's a great dad and husband. We'll never be that good. I don't want this baby, River. We are at a bad time in our lives to raise this baby, and I don't think we can do it." River sighed, and pulled over.

"Lauren, you can't talk like this. I would do everything to give that baby a good life, but giving them away is not an option. You will be the best parent, out of everyone in this world, for that baby. You have the biggest heart I have ever seen. You have so much wisdom tucked into that mind of yours, and so much love in your heart to give. So don't think for a second that you would be the worst person to raise that baby you are so effortlessly growing." I started crying, and River pulled me into his chest.

"I'm so scared. I'm going to fuck it all up, I know it. I can't do it." River hushed me, and continued to hold me until my crying subsided.

"Let's get to where we are going, and then I promise I'll hold you forever." I nodded as tears still slipped down my cheeks. River continued to drive, and it felt like forever. The car was silent, so I grabbed River's phone and put a song on. I put my head against the seat, and let the lyrics fill my ears, and let the words float out of my mouth. River glanced at me, and was a little concerned.

"Drifting, by NF. I suggest listening to all of his music." River didn't say anything. I remained quiet as the rest of the song played. River didn't say anything either.

"Wow...I'm speechless. No artist has ever made a more relatable song. Come on, play me some more songs." I didn't even smile, just nodded.

"I'm queuing them in this order: Dreams, My Life, If You Want Love, Change, Only, Hate Myself, and Trauma. I'll queue more if need be." River remained silent.

"How do you know this artist?" I sighed, thinking about NF.

"I was a teenager. I had gone through some things with my family, and then I heard him on the radio. Only one song was played. I found out who he was and looked him up. I wanted to die at the time, but his music..it saved me. He is an underrated artist." River nodded. He kept driving, and the music kept filling my ears. My body had relaxed, and I drifted into a trance. I wasn't thinking about anything, but I was thinking about everything at the same time. Everything I had struggled with, racing through my mind. Accomplishments by me flashing by my eyes. It was never enough for someone who thought like me. I never really show anyone my true feelings, just glimpses. Even with people I trust.

"I'm sorry to hear that. You're an amazing person." I nodded my head no, knowing that River wouldn't see it. I didn't respond verbally. I just wanted to be lost in my head, and I didn't want to focus on anything, except the music. I would occasionally sing a few lyrics, but I did it under my breath. I didn't need attention, and I didn't want to talk at the moment. I don't know if anyone else ever experienced these moods. That was a thought that crossed my mind everyday. Was I the only one with the thought process I had? I guess not, because everyone is different.

"Do you have any artists like NF?" My voice was so soft, I thought that maybe River didn't hear me speak.

"Maybe some Dean Lewis, and Billie Eilish. Nothing compares to this." I nodded. I knew those artists. They were good, but their music didn't hit like NF's did.

"They are good." River nodded.

"I don't know how I have never heard of him. He's really good. I've been through a lot of shit on my own, and can only imagine what it must've been like for you." I left his statement floating. What was his life before me like?