Never Told You

Chapter Four

"Lauren, this place is so important to me. I come here when I'm sad, mad, happy...I came here when my mom passed away from cancer. I planted these roses to honor her memory. They were her favorite flower." My eyes widened. Why was he opening up to me like this?

"That's so horrible. I had no idea River.." He sat the bag down and took out a blanket.

"Lay with me Lauren." He grabbed two pillows after laying the blanket flat on the ground. I nodded, and awkwardly laid down next to him. He reached over and grabbed my hand. I didn't object. My fingers intertwined with his. It was the perfect match.

"River, what's going on?" He let out a slow, deep sigh.

"I know you Lauren. I was there the night of that party when you were 16. I'm not entirely aware of what happened...stories spread like wildfire. I talked to your friends. I needed to make sure you were alright. I know your favorite color is navy blue. I know you come from a broken home. You're depressed. You're getting a degree in nursing." I was shocked.

"Why did you take the time to get to know me in secret? Why not just talk to me?" There was a gap of silence.

"Because I have feelings for you Lauren. You're brave, kind, and beautiful. I was too afraid to talk to you. I have a bad reputation. You're not into guys like me." My eyes were wide, my mouth open. It all came to me in a blurr. I had gifts left for me throughout high school. They were always signed as 'your secret admirer'. I got cute love letters in the mail. They had suddenly just stopped. It was when the summer had begun.

"Why did you stop sending the letters?" I had secretly fallen for this guy. My feelings grew for him. The words from those letters were always so soft and tender. He told me about his trials. I knew River better than anyone. In my darkest times, he was the one that got me to the other side. He had no idea what he had done for me.

"I stopped because I knew you were going to leave for college. I didn't know which one until I saw you here. I had to introduce myself in that coffee shop. I needed to tell you who I was. I couldn't hold myself back." My eyes welled with tears. He then placed my head on his chest, wrapping his arms around me. I felt completely safe here. I knew everything about River. How was this possible? This all seemed like some kind of dream. I pinched myself, yet still remained in River's arms.

"River, you don't know what you've done for me. You got me through some really dark times in my life. I looked forward to getting those letters once a week. I dreamed of your touch on my skin, your voice floating through my head, your scent fulfilling my nostrils. This is all so much. Your touch is magnetizing. I'm drawn to you." He remained still. It was almost as if he didn't know what to say.

" I don't want to push you into anything, but I can't stop myself from asking. What actually happened the night of that party?" I took a deep breath. These wounds were still fresh. I don't care how many years it has been, it will always hurt me.

"Well, I was dating a guy. His name was Hunter. I cared for him, and thought he was the one for me. We had both had too much to drink that night. Neither of us could consent properly to anything. We had shared a night of passion. He was my first. I wanted him to be my last. That didn't happen. He invited his friends into the room, and one by one.." River's eyes were wide, his mouth dropped open. I had scared him already. This was a sliver of my past. What would he do with the knowledge of everything else I had been through?

"Hey, you don't have to continue. I want to know though, really." I let out a breath I didn't realize I was holding in.

"He had four different friends come into the room that night. They took pictures. Those pictures were posted everywhere. Everyone said I deserved it for being a drunken whore. It's why Chance said what he said. We took them to court, and only two were found guilty. They were the only ones that tested positive to the rape kit. Hunter wasn't tried at all. A few weeks after that, I had a missed cycle. It was two weeks overdue. I thought it was the stress from everything that had happened, the rape, the trial. Two more weeks came, and still nothing. I began to throw up every day around lunch time. My mom had bought me a pregnancy test. I peed and the result was positive. I told Hunter right after I found out. He was so mad at me. He told me he didn't want to be with me anymore, and demanded I abort the baby. I refused to have an abortion. That just angered him more. He claimed I was going to ruin his reputation. He was a star football player and just couldn't have that." I stopped for a minute to keep my tears from streaming down my cheeks. River looked at me.

"Lauren, this is all so horrible. I can't believe you went through that. What happened after?" I sighed and nodded. I had to keep going.

"Well, a couple weeks afterwards Hunter wanted to meet up with me. I scheduled a time to meet up with him. He wanted to meet in a secluded place, and I didn't refuse. I wanted to tell him I was going to keep his identity hidden and have it adopted. He disagreed. He pinned me up against the wall, and took out his pocket knife. I begged him not to hurt me. He stabbed my abdomen three times. He then left me on the ground bleeding. I had my phone and called an ambulance. I lost the baby. He was put on trial for attempted murder. He was found guilty for aggravated assault. He thought he was discreet, but there were two security cameras. There was too much evidence. He is still serving his sentence today. He was charged with five years. He has two years left." River widened his eyes again.

"He doesn't deserve to ever live a free life. I am so sorry." He pulled me closer. I hadn't scared him away. I was lucky, and everything made sense in this exact moment. River was my happy place.