Souvenir [Complete]

Twenty-eight. Sleepovers

Luke had started staying over at Ashton's hotel. And sometimes—when Luke could sneak him in—Ashton would stay at his. He was always out before 5:30 anyway. No one was awake except them that early, so no one needed to know he was there.

It was difficult for Luke to rationally think about sex with Ashton. In the quiet of his few lonely nights it was always on his mind, but when he was around Ashton, the desire was hidden away. Somewhere behind nervousness. And the last thing he wanted was to feel pressured.

Apparently that was the last thing Ashton wanted, too, because he never brought the subject up. Never mentioned it unless Luke talked about it. Never got too handsy, no matter how long they were lip-locked. Never even seemed to remember it was a thing that even happened. Ashton seemed too okay with not devouring Luke on the spot.

And while Luke was nervous—Brian had been his first and only in his life—he was also perplexed. Was he not fuckable? Did Ashton think he was gross? Did he not want to see him naked?

Brian had never brought up sex till they were comfortable with each other, but Ashton never seemed to want it. There was definitely something wrong with Luke. How could there not be when his boyfriend wouldn't even go past second base with him? He'd seen the man shove his tongue down Stacy's throat in public.

Luke looked at himself in the mirror after Ashton left one morning and huffed. He was pretty. Or was he just accustomed to his own face so he thought he was pretty. Could he be the ugliest person in the world and everyone was just lying to his face? Was he fat, and that's why Ashton didn't ever touch him like that?

Luke whimpered at himself. He felt fourteen again. Hopelessly in love with a boy who isn't even interested in him, it seemed. Ashton could say it wasn't true, but Luke didn't feel it.

Not that he needed to be touched—but it was extremely difficult for him to open up fully to the idea of getting over his former boyfriend when his current one never even mentioned it.

Luke whimpered and hugged his blanket to his chest, feeling like a fat, ugly, and disgusting creep. Touch starved and lonely, even with Ashton in his bed. Completely undesirable.

Unable to sleep he got back up and rubbed his eyes. The sun rose at the same time Ashton left now, so there was no reason to stay in and sleep—especially with his head so messy. He had really convinced himself that he was the problem here.

Fuck off. He should just get up, go to the diner, and ask him about it. It was always dead right at opening. And at least he'd know for sure...

Luke kept on Ashton's Slowdive t-shirt he'd worn to sleep, and put on his Calvin Klein jeans. The outfit made him feel cozy and safe. He liked that the shirt smelled like Ashton, and that the jeans were soft against his freshly shaved legs.

Luke left around six so he could make sure that everything was open. He didn't want to look like an idiot standing outside the locked door—even if it was for only a few seconds before Ashton unlocked it for him.

He also wanted this conversation to happen while Karen was busy. Michael's mother was nice and all—like a second mother to him in a way—but she didn't need to know Luke's sex life at all.

He felt like an idiot walking in so early. There was one customer, and of course he was in Ashton's section. Luke sighed. He felt bad for not sitting with Karen, and normally he would, but he'd come here just for Ashton.

He guessed he'd have to talk between Ashton actually serving. It was Lloyd the mailman sitting in the booth. Thankfully Luke could sit on the other side of the restaurant. No assigned seat for him anymore.