Souvenir [Complete]

Thirty-four. The Weather in the Fall

It rained a lot that week. Luke was determined to make the best of it, but it was just so hard to feel happy and sunny when there was no sun.

On the train home, Luke would stare out the window at the gathered droplets on the windows. They seemed to make a whole new city with weird shaped windows of reflected light.

He watched as the rain gathered on the glass became displaced into some surreal painting of a melted city. That wasn't his city. And Luke had a creeping feeling that even though it melted under his inspection, when he would look away and look back it had built itself back to structure only to melt again.

It freaked him out to look at so he stared at his hands.

The kids were home when Luke got home that day. Like normal. He made dinner and helped them with their homework, but really all he wanted to do was lay around and watch television. And sleep. But instead he lied awake in Ashton's clothes on his side of the bed.

He was miserable, and he didn't know why. It was like he just wanted to be in a foul mood today. He didn't really want it, and yet he wasn't doing anything to make it better, so he just sat festering in his own self pity for no reason at all.

He scolded himself for it, but he refused to change.

The night turned dark, and all Luke could think about was how shitty he'd sang that day. How ugly he looked in his clothes. How he didn't know anyone or anything and how he was just wasting his life away.

And where was Ashton?

He was at work. Probably just as miserable. He hated that he couldn't find anything he wanted to do at night so he could spend the day with Ashton.

He knew Ashton could pay for the apartment. He was doing that already, but Luke needed something to do all day. He liked routine. Unfortunately, he didn't think their schedules would ever align the way he wanted them to.

He couldn't sleep. Thoughts of men killing Ashton flooded his head. It was a common thought this late at night. He wished he could call him. He should have pushed for Ashton to get a cell phone. He could afford it...

Luke hugged the pillow to his chest and breathed in Ashton's smell. He was okay. He was coming home in two hours.

Ugh, two hours...he had to wake up in two hours.

Luke whimpered, trying to debate if sleep was even worth it at this point.

He whimpered and got out of bed. He went to the kitchen. And cut on the coffee pot. When days like this happened, Luke found it was better to just lean into the insomnia—it was hurting him regardless.

By the time Ashton came home Luke had breakfast made for the sleeping house. Luke practically jumped in Ashton's arms to hug him close. "Oh my god. I was so worried about you!" Luke whined.

Ashton hugged him back with a slightly confused laugh. "Yeah baby," Ashton pet Luke's curls down. "I'm right here, just like every day."

"I need to get you a fucking cell phone," Luke whimpered and hit his chest softly.

"Oh, bun, I'm not in danger," Ashton gushed.

"That's the biggest lie I've ever heard," Luke whined. "You know what you do."

"I know," Ashton tried to soothe him but Luke was restless. There was no consolation after a night of worrying.

"I'm gonna go wake up the kids." The blonde boy sighed glumly.

"Hey, what's wrong?"

"You really scared me," Luke whined. "And you do it every night and then you look at me like I'm crazy for wanting to make sure you're okay."