More Than Friends

Jealousy (Hyunjin POV)

"The audacity of that man" I mutter. "Who does he think he is? Does he think a pet name will just cure my anger? Does he think I'm that easy to handle?" I pace around the room. "How can he just be so friendly with people? He's not being bubbly, he's flirting. He's so obviously flirting with other people. He's disrespectful" I continue. I've been pacing for more than 20 minutes. I can't get over how easily he gets on my nerves. He doesn't even know how angry he's making me. I can't tell the other guys. How can I let them know what we've gone through? What we've done? What will they say? How will everyone respond? I need a break.

I decide to take a walk outside to clear my head. Whilst outside, I run into Han. Just the person I need to talk too. He knows about us, he hasn't said anything, I can trust him.

"Jisung!" I yell. I've never called him by his real name, I don't know why I did that.

He turns around as if I've startled him. He smiles widely and jogs towards me.

"HJ! What's up man, trouble in paradise?" He chuckles.

How could he already know? Does he have a secret camera in my dorm or something?

"A little bit" I reply, half smiling.

"Well how can I help?" He says.

I reply dryly, "I'm not sure."

"I think my jealousy is going to be the death of me! I can't stop getting upset when he talks to anyone that isn't me. When he decides to be around anyone but myself. I just can't stand seeing him be close with anyone else!" I ramble on to him.

Han listens attentively. He nods his head in accord. He's actually paying close attention to everything I say. It's reassuring in a way. After rambling on for roughly 15 minutes he finally chimes in and says "HJ, man, I think you're in love" and pats my shoulder. He chuckles and says he's going to give me some space and time to think. We part ways.

As I'm strolling through the yard, I keep thinking about what Jisung said to me. "I think you're in love" , the words flow through my head like a River. I can't get them to disappear. Am I in love? I don't know the answer. Can I be in love with Felix? I've asked myself this question so many times. I've told myself I'm falling in love, but I don't think I'm there already, right? It's too early for that. I've always been told love takes years to fully fall into! It can't happen this soon! I'm engulfed by the thought of being in love. I feel myself becoming more winded as I'm moving. I realize that I'm not walking anymore, I'm jogging. When did this start? When did I start jogging? Am I trying to run from the thought of love? "That's not how it works!" I shout aloud. What is going on? I can't escape this feeling. I stop myself and decide to focus on walking into the house. I push all other thoughts from my head. All I'm think of is "left foot, right foot". I'm trying everything in my power to let this feeling go.

I walk into the door, ignoring everyone's pleading words for me to hang out with them. I don't want to be on live, I don't want to talk to anyone, I don't want to have any company. I want to be alone with my thoughts and figure this out. I brush passed Han, IN, and Felix. I don't even want to look at Felix. I hate that I gave them all the cold shoulder, but I need to focus on myself right now.

I swing my door open and shut it. I plop down on my bed and pick my pillow up and scream loudly into it. I'm frustrated. I hate not being in control. I'm the epitome of control freak! This is such a stupid feeling. I continue to throw a tantrum as if I'm a 3 year old who's been told no by their parents. I'm acting ridiculous. If this is love, I want no part of it. My tantrum is disturbed by soft knocks on my door.

"Who is it?" I snap.

"It's Bangchan, can I come in?" I hear a soft, masculine voice reply.

"Now isn't a good time" I say back, crisply. Before I can even gather a thought to say some afterwards, my door is being opened.

I remove the pillow from my face and to my surprise is Bangchan and Felix standing in my doorway. I can't let anyone know about Felix and I so I sit up and look at Bangchan.

"What's up?" I reply cheerfully, in hopes to hide my true feelings.

"Hyun, Felix told me. I know all about you guys. He came to me earlier. He mentioned that you guys have been having some trouble. I just want to help you." He replies firmly, but almost looks a bit worried and disappointed.

I'm beyond furious. He fucking told him? He's such a stupid man. What a child! My blood is almost as hot as lava. I'm livid!

"What exactly did he tell you?" I say grimly. I'm glaring at Felix as I ask Bangchan.

"Everything" Felix says, trying to smile.

I stand up and begin yelling. "What do you fuckin mean everything Yongbuk?" I know he hates his Korean name. Maybe that'll show him how serious I am.

"You told him everything?" I continue yelling, "Are you out of your fucking mind? You went to him instead of confiding in the man you SLEEP WITH? You're stupid. I can't stand you. I hate you!" I regretted that immediately.

"I'm so sorry" I apologize in my head.

"Hyunjin stop yelling. Do you want everyone else to know?" Bangchan says, walking towards me in efforts to quiet me.

He's right. I do need to calm down before everyone else finds out. A thought pops into my brain. Why does it matter if everyone else knows? Han and Chan now know, what's a few more people? That would help with me marking my territory. That would help with people knowing he belongs to me.

I lower my head and whisper "no". I can't let people know just yet. It wouldn't be fair to either of us. It'll cause problems bigger than the two of us. We have to keep the group in mind before dropping a bombshell on everyone.

"So what's really happening, Hyunjin? I have Felix's side of the story, tell me from your point of view" Chan asks.

I take a second to gather my thoughts.

"I'm jealous. I can't believe how jealous I've become. I'm not like this. I've never even been attracted to men before. I was the heartthrob in high school, I was the one all of the girls wanted. The guys hated me for it. They were all envious. Felix came into my life by chance. I fell in love by chance-" I stop my self and look Felix in the eyes for a quick second before carrying on "I think I fell in love. I'm not sure. If me being in love makes me crazy, I don't want it to happen. Chan, I don't know what to do" I lower my head to the ground. I feel my eyes swelling up. I know that I'm about to cry. My emotions have gotten the best of me. I don't want to look weak in front of anyone. I'm stronger than this. I won't become a weak, love stricken person.

"Hyunjin" I hear Felix say softly.

My eyes raise to him.

"Being in love is beautiful. I feel the same way. I'm crazy about you. Your smile brings me happiness, your laugh makes me brighten up. If you're falling in love with me, tell me. We can work on this" he declares.

I look at him with the tears running down my cheeks. The warm feeling of them has relieved me. He's such a kind, gentle soul. He brings more joy to me than anger. I can't help but feel more in love with him at this moment.

Chan breaks the silence of our stares "see, you didn't need me Lix, you could do it on your own!" He snickers. Chan turns and leaves the room.

It's just now Felix and I, alone. Again.