If I Could Tell You- Reddie

7: Baby Steps are for the Weak

Richie stared down at the note. A small lump formed in his thought as the pit in his stomach grew. Richie sucked his lips in, smacking them before crumpling the note and tossing it into the wastebasket. 

"So who's E," Jay said hand on his hips and eyebrows up to the sky. Richie shrugged his shoulders.

"I don't know what you're talking about." He said, flopping on his bed to start reading the book. 

"Uh-huh sure." Jay rolled his eyes. "Im sure you have no idea who write that note," He said smirking.

"Shut up." Richie looked up from his book, throwing a piece of balled-up paper at him.

"Dumbass."

"Idiot." They broke down laughing. Richie wiped the tear forming in his eye. "Well, I got to go." 

"Have fun with your boyfriend," Jay said making fake kissy faces 

"Sure." Richie waved him off as he walked down the hall. suddenly a loud chirp came from behind him. "Danm speck, you sacred me," Richie said allowing the bird to rest on his shoulder. Although he couldn't talk to animals it always felt like speckles listened to him when nobody else did or he couldn't talk to Eddie. Mostly  Richie would talk about how he wished Eddie liked him. Speckles would always tilt his head, bring a smile to Richie's face. He stopped dead in his tracks when he spotted the small boy, sitting on the planter's edge next to his dog, Rocket. He took a steady breath before continuing his trek to Eddie. "Hey, Ed's" Richie could feel the lump form in the back of his throat. 

"Hi, Rich." Richie sat next to him. He could see Eddie was shaking. "I-I-I j-just wanted to say I w-was sorry." He mumbled. "Easy Ed's." Richie pulled the boy close. oh how badly he wanted to hold him, cradle him in his arms and tell him everything would be alright. But he knew it wouldn't."Stuttering is Bill's job." A small laugh came from Eddie, he pulled away gazing into Richie's eyes, tears rolling down his cheeks. Richie cupped Eddie's face, trying to steady his own breathing. Eddie could feel Richie's hot breathing against his face. Richie then lunged at him, attacking his lips. He crazed the feeling of his lips against Eddie's. He pulled away, looking quite embarrassed."I hope that was okay." 

"Oh, Richie it was more than okay." He answered pulling him back into a kiss. "But let's not move too fast."

"Baby steps are for the weak," Richie replied.

"RICHIE FUCKING TOZIER!" Alarms sounded in his brain. He looked to his side to find Hailey staring at him. "WHAT THE FUCING HELL!" She screamed just loud enough for Richie to hear her. Hailey walked up to him, Eddie quickly scrambled away, leaving the two of them. Everything on Richie's face read help me but Eddie just mouthed sorry before walking off. "Why am I not surprised every guy I like is either gay or thinks I'm ugly."

"Wait for what, why would guys think your ugly." She sighed. 

"Buckle up. Every other year of my life I've been the fat ugly kid who everyone ignores. It wasn't until last summer that I decided to change that. It wouldn't be too hard I told myself. After I tried every diet imaginable. Nothing was working. That's when I decided to start starving myself, telling myself I deserved every little bit of pain I was getting. I would lock myself in my room working out for hours on end. When I started getting what guys refer to as hot it only motivated me more. My parents didn't realize since my mom was on the couch holding the neck of a beer bottle or passed out and my dad worked his ass off so that we could survive. When it got really bad I looked at myself in the mirror. I wanted to live but I wanted to be skinny. I continued to do everything in my power to get skinny. It worked. It still works." 

"Oh, Hailey.Im sorry." 

"Did you ever love me," she asked.

"I don't think I ever really knew what love was. The only person who cared about me were my friends, the losers, and my mom. My dad has never been in the picture. For as long as I can remember my dad's drunk ass has been in and out of rehab. I always felt something for Eddie. I pushed it off as Derry was is small-minded homophobic town. So to answer your question, I don't know. I think I always saw you as a friend."

"Look Im not going to pretend that I'm not pissed. I am. But I'm also not going to be that asshole. I get it. It's not me. Hell, it's not any girl. You just don't like girls. Do I understand why, no but I'm not going to be some shitty person who tries to ruin your life because you don't love me?" 

"Thank you," Richie whispered. "Thank you so much." He pulled her close. "I love you, platonically."

"I love you too, platonically." However, Richie didn't know what lied ahead for him and Eddie. It was going to be pure and utter hell. 

Sorry, this is short (Im getting a longer chapter out tomorrow). It's 11:00 pm where I live and I got freaking school tomorrow. Anyways have a good day/night. Hopefully, you like the next chapter. Also, I didn't proofread sorry if it sucks.