Horses

Him again

Now I think that everything is a joke from Matt not meaning that he likes me and John and Cody pretending to like me. I just think it's a joke all of it.
I don't know if they are kidding or not.
I don't know weather to care or not.m

It's not a joke! Matt called me yesterday, Wednesday, and he told me everything from homework help, to other stuff that I don't want to talk about because some of my friends may read this.

Matt and I agreed to keep it a secret
But anyway here it is
Iz if you read this don't tell anyone at psoli

When Matt and I went to geo and get pizza he told me that he likes me and how he told his parents and they won't let him date

Ok fine now what

I want to date. So I sent him a few notes and what he said surprised me

He said I'm sorry but I'm grounded. I forgot to wash the dishes in the afternoon, and my mother got really angry about that.

While we were getting the pizza he wanted to hug me

I kindly backed away. I was nervous and didn't know what to do. I want to get to know him before letting him put his hand around my waist.

Even though he says he likes me
He doesn't show it
Doesn't sit next to me
Doesn't pair up with me for science labs and projects
He tells me he's shy

Do I talk to him or let him start the conversation.. I don't want to burden him with my complaining.
I stare at him a lot
Yesterday when we were at dismissal I was complaining to Bradley and every so often I was looking at him to see if there was anything.

I don't know weather it was jealously or lovingly..

Today I thought that Matt and are are going to continue but it doesn't look like it. It started with a crush and then a call then now nothing, I want something to happen . I don't know what to look for, it's great that he's friendly but when I sit next to him I want him to talk to me or do something not ignore me and move to a different table.
.

I want him to sit next to me. I want him to acknowledge my presence and not just move to over to some other table. He told me over the phone that he wants to keep the stuff secret. But when We are alone he talks but when we are in public he acts....... I have to start the conversation. Always.

He smiles and I stare he laughs and I stare.. I don't want to be the one who does everything. The one who calls first, the one who sits next to him. Behind my back zak asked who is more important to you char or Ben. Matt chose Ben, of course he did. He knows Ben better. I'm just a girl who told her friend that she has a crush on Matt and that it got out throughout the 25 people Who is the middle school.Just some reassurance would be nice, a nudge or something.
I want him to sit next to me, he was talking about how he thinks that I'm an addition, I want him to not be an addition I want him to be part of me.
When I look at him now I really don't see any thing bad, but when I see him laugh and I want to laugh with him.
I can't believe that he told zak that Ben is..

He read one of the six chapters I wrote about him. And while he was reading I was staring to see if there was any emotion, no just reading and analyzing.

I want to see his reaction when I sit next to him in quiet time and say good morning. I want to see something, anything. A smile at least.

We talked yesterday, and I'm glad we did, but of course Ben, Cody and Dante had to interrupt. First Cody sat next to Matt, then Dante came over with a mat and started to push the mat towards us, surprisingly Matt got up took the mat and started to pick up the mat and almost started to hit Dante. Then mr. Luo said Matt put the Mat down. We all started cracking up.

Then here comes Ben. He sat between us. And started talking, to Matt, me being surprised I just watched and smiled.

When Cody started reading my watt pad to the 8th graders I got really embarrassed, I didn't want anyone to read it. Then Matt started smiling so I kept on writing

I watched videos on what boys like and they show said smiles, and laughter and junk, so I try to smile a lot.

When I wear jeans I'm really uncomfortable, I dislike them.they are tight, and they don't stretch. They are stiff and eww... But I keep thinking that Matt is going to compliment me or something of the sort. But no. I'm going to keep on trying next week but after that I'm wearing my sweat pants, I can't take it. When I sit down my ass shows and I don't like that, but with iz it's cute. I keep on telling her to pull up her pants and she's like noooooo, soo, I did it for her a few times, she really needs to wear a belt.