Horses

Him

I don't know what I did
I don't know what happened
He's not talking to me anymore
I'm defeated
I don't
I can't
I'm shit
I stopped talking to my parents
School
Grade are still up
Just him
It's bothering me to no end, last time I slept was 3 days ago I used a lot of make up to cover the bags up

I need to release the bad crap
I need
I need to talk to a horse
It's been 3 weeks
I need it

My life needs him, I need the love, I need the support.

And he's not there
I need someone to talk to him for me because I don't have the courage the self moral to do it.

I had my period today so that made it worse.

I need the love, I need someone to hold my hand.

I need Matt.
Sometimes I get so angry....
I need that person to hold my hand, to ask if I'm okay every day.

My chapters are short I know
But this is my life .
Matt and I skied for 2 and 1/2 hours yesterday and we cleared things up, it was finally me talking most of the time. I'm glad we talked and he didn't decline the Skype call.

I asked if we were comfortable with the affection rate we are at he said yes I said no he frowned and looked at me in confusion.
I can't really tell his emotions he's masked everything better than I do. but. This time I could tell. he wasn't happy. Oh well matt. We needed to talk about this we did and like always he won the fights. it looks like we are both happy with the amount of affection wh share with each other.

This is it guys

That is all
Sorry I have to leave now I have to go

I'm at school, I only write this stuff on the bus on the way to school.

This is another short part to a shorter chapter.
I went horseback riding today and I jumped a little but mostly focused on my position and my balance. I'm glad I wasted 85$ on that lesson!.

I had a little more money leftover, and I spent that 30$ on a trail ride at the Bronx equestrian center. it was really fun and all the review were pretty much right. most of the horses spooked, but if your a beginner this is not a place for you advanced riders, are welcome. the people are nice, but the horses are really skinny. I mean ribs showing, and they were also really scared and the ears were perked up the whole time.

I'm really glad I got to ride. now working on jumping 3 ft and I've been riding for 3 plus years now.
I'm so lucky to be an equestrian. that's all I have to say. for now.