Horses

Part 2 of horses

Look at the description for the first part of the book.

I go to karate. I take out my anger there, on the bag, while grappling. My Joshu says I'm more vicious then black belts. I see that because almost every time I go there I hurt my friends. I don't know how they call me their friend. Then I have dinner, homework and then like every normal day, yelling. That's an easy day.

When I ride horses I forget about all that. John, dad, School it just doesn't matter. Nothing matters when I ride horses or rather then ride them when I tack them up or groom them I just feel secure next to them. I can't... I don't know how to say it, but horses are just majestic creatures they heal you and support you even if you can't speak their language you still understand them I can't explain it but I feel... I feel happy and thankful and great and I just feel like I want to keep on doing it, nothings going to Stop me.

I'm right at many stables but I never actually like any of them. I wrote a New York equestrian center I Road at old Bethpage equestrian center I also Road at Millville a.k.a. sweet hill stables. All of the stables are great but there's just something missing there's no love, no passion. The managers are just trying to make money.

My dad says that no one can live without money. He is a drug addict, OCD and a psycho. When he gets angry he threatens to kill you, fuck you and hurt you. But on the other side of him he is caring but also always talking about how he doesn't have enough money .

John was raised in the 60's. He was taught that hitting and abuse was okay. He then had kids, became a millionaire, and then got divorced. He then later met my mom Silvia and became a couple. John taught mom how to be an abuser and he started using it on me. Now I see that dad is turning into an abuser too.

I've considered horse therapy for myself, but it's just way to expensive. Mom won't pay it, I'm afraid to ask John and dad, he doesn't care about anything but his pills, soccer and of course money.

I've thought about calling child protective services but I'm afraid that if they call my parents, they will just hit me even more than they already do. Which can't be that much more.

I only horseback ride about every other month because I need to find the money or according to my parents high standards "be good" as they always say. I miss it a lot. I don't have time to watch videos, movies, I barley have enough time to not fail school.

I've considered boarding school but my mom said she won't pay for it she also said that she would rather have me here then at some school where I sleep.

Horses think in pictures, when your trying to communicate you need to think in pictures. First you need to clear your mind aka go in to a coma tic state where your vibrations is slim to none. Then you have to listen and let the horses vibrations hit you so then you can vibrate on the same level. Just like being on the same page.

My dad says I'm not in-touch with reality. What is reality. I listen to bashar and Daryl anka talking about how when we dream we go to reality and see the Angels and reconsider contracts that we made with Angels. So that means that when we are as we call it in reality, awake and being a couch potato, to bashar that means that our souls are dreaming.
Update. ..............
I have so many dreams, most don't come true because they include my parents in.
I am part Bulgarian, turkish and Italian. My mother is Bulgarian, father Turkish, step father Italian. Strange mix.

In school my friends have boyfriends and my other friends have girlfriends. John and Mia, izzy and owen. jade and Dante. And then who's left me and the smart guy.
I told iz I liked him, iz told Cody and Cody asked Matt to ask me out on a date. Instead Matt comes up to me and says "I'm glad you appreciate me as I am" the rest of the day he left me hanging in a cloud of embarrassment. At the end of the day I was writing in my journal and Matt came up to me and said "I like you too but can we keep it a secret" what does that mean,? Why does he want to keep it a secret, why do I want to make it public? I have no clue.