My life started to go downhill when i was very young but it got really bad when i was five years old. mom got a new boyfriend and promised he would be the best thing that stuff would get easyer because now someone was here to help where dad could not or mom wouldnt let him. the guy was nice enough in the beggining but as the years went by he started to get a little bit of a habbit of controlling the family,my mom and me that is. well i was five when he showed up and it took almost ten years to get him out once he was rooted in he was there to stay. people say that kids learn from their parents the actions they portray later in life so i guess he taught me alot of my natural habbits that im trying to break, i grew up around a abusive step-dad and a controlling one at that so i learned how to manipulate and controll people at a vary young age not such a good thing when you get to be older, sure when your a kid you can get more candy or a better present for christmas but when i turned 12 stuff started to seriously malfunction in my life with my mom. steve had lost his job and was sitting on the computer 24/7 playing games and telling mom and i what to do. shortly after he would say ''if you respect me ill respect you'' that line never quite rang true with me and it never did happen like that. i fact it happened almost the opposite way than what he said. it only took a few months to a year at most before mo realized what was going on and told him to get out, by that time he had done all his damage and in my mind got to walk away from it without any consiquences without a second thougt because it was what he did and has always done. anyway he got home the day he got laid off at the mill and decided to have a fun night at home pissing all of us off and then when i had finally had enough and tryed to do something about it being my moms self-appointed protector, all i got for trying to keep him away from mom was getting him to focus on me instead. he started yelling at me and mom pleaded with himto stop but he just didnt hear or didnt care or maybe it was both he was yelling mom was yelling for him to stop it and i was yelling and half-crying because i was scared about what he could do to me and mom now and later. i yelled and cryed and then tryed to push him out of the kitchen but he was alot stronger than me and i could do nothing but let him drag me by my hair through the kitchen through the dining room and up the flight of stairs to my room. when he got me to my room i got thrown into the wall and told if i ever tryed that shit again i would not like the results. so i curled up in the darkes cornner of my room and cryed and peeked out from between my knees and saw him yelling and arguing with mom but i couldnt hear anything they were saying even tough they were only a few feet away. i tryed to tell mom to let it go that i was fine but she wouldnt and for that he hit her and continued to hit her until she was crying too and i couldnt watch anymore. at that point i got up and decided to do something even if it was the last thing i was ever going to try so i got up and grabbed my metal broom handel and swung.......... he made good on his promise that i would not like the results of my actions and he grabbed it out of my hands and threw it across the house and hit me and i fell down and he picked me up by my hair and threw me on the bed and told me that the next time i tryed i better eat my wheaties because i was not even close to what he could do and would do to mom and me if we ever tryed to do anything other than what he said to do. that night i went to bed sore and worried about what would happen to mom after i went to sleep. the next day at school was alot of explaining and only a little bit of work. everybody wanted to know what happened because i was so sore and i was terrified to get on the bus to go home my teacher Mr.Andrews told me that if i ever needed to talk to someone he was there for me. i eventually got on the bus and rode home to a empty house and was instantly scared he did something with moma nd i was the only one left. i later found out that he was at the police station no he didnt get arrested he was doing his JOB!!! he was a cop for the local PD now i started to understand that even if i called the cops he would not get in trouble cause he was one of them!! mom got home and told me not to worry she would protect me no matter what.i had a hard time beleaving this i mean how can she protect me if she cant even protect herself most of the time? i wished there was something i could do to help or even slow down the stuff that happened at home behind closed doors. he was a master of deception whenever someone of any importance would come to the house he would act like we were one big happy family and nothing was wrong at all, but all you had to do was look into his eyes and you could read the message clear as day '' dont cross me and follow my lead or its gonna get a whole hell of alot worse after they leave''. my bio-dad would come around once in a great while usually aroud christmas or my birthday he always asked how stuff was going and i always said that it was fine but i always remembered what steve had said ''if you ever tell a word of what happens you are gonna have problems remember im a cop i can get away with whatever i want to''. i remember one time i wanted a little bit of the christmas sugar cookie dough and mom said no i need ot for the cookies for santa so i didnt touch any of it, but steve took a handful and blamed me and when i confronted him he insisted on matching my prints to the ones in the dough so i got scared and backed down it was the small stuff that pissed him off and made him get angry with mom and me and the small stuff that really messed me up as a kid.
