Black Rose • Mikaelson

20. I'm fine

WAKING UP IN NIKLAUS' ARMS AFTER months of sleeping alone, or if at all feels strange. It should be comforting, but I'm still learning not to flinch from his touch as if it sears my skin. I'm getting good at it, hiding my reluctance to his touch. He barely even notices, or he's become good at hiding it. However, his arms wrapped around my waist tightly reminds me that my emotions are there. I pull myself slowly from his arms, not wanting to wake him from his peaceful sleep. However, the lack of my weight next to him wakes him anyway.

"You okay?" Niklaus frowns.

It's a question he's come to ask often. I smile at him to reassure him that I am. Even if deep down I know it's a lie, but if I don't answer verbally I'm not lying to him.

"Come here." I grab Niklaus by his shirt.

I slam my lips against his. I have missed nothing more than feeling the love I have for Niklaus. Even if my body physically can't take his touch. I wonder if the guilt of almost letting other men take me to bed has finally caught up to my body as it sits in the back of my mind. Niklaus' lips move eagerly against mine, this kiss so much different from when I had no emotions. I notice the way he looks at me differently than before. As if I'm a fragile China doll and not a powerful woman that could dominate the world. Maybe it's because I look at myself the same way in the mirror.

I pull away from Nik's embrace with a smile, even if my mind is frowning. I take a deep breath and turn on my heels, if I start my day maybe I won't hide so much in my own mind. Ivonna meets me as soon as I step out of the room. She smiles at me and I return it. My sister's presence washes a wave of calm over me. So much so, that the smile I return is a genuine one. Her facial expression changes when Niklaus walks out behind me. Whatever she had planned to say to me, she changes her mind. Niklaus caused her to change her mind. I don't put any more thought into it.

"I think I'll take a walk through the French quarter." I smile.

I have no real desire to walk through the French quarter. I have no real desire to do anything. However, it beats lying in bed with Niklaus and pretending I'm not dying inside. Walking through the quarter actually calms me down and I'm happy I made the decision to do so. I find a quiet table at a cafe and take a seat. Ivonna finds me before I have the chance to take in the slight breeze. She smiles at me apologetically and I know what question is coming next.

"Are you okay?" Ivonna asks.

"I'm fine. I wish you would stop asking." I frown.

"As soon as I stop, the answer might change."

My twin sister was completely right. As soon as she stopped asking, I wouldn't be fine anymore. I'm only fine because the answer makes her worry less. Niklaus wants me to be okay so bad, he believes me when I say I am. Ivonna can see right through my lies. I take a deep breath, and reassure her again.

"I am fine. It might take some time getting back to normal, but I am fine."

I watch her shoulders relax just a little at my words. I reach across the table and squeeze her hand. I knew she still felt the guilt of pushing me to my breaking point. However, I wasn't lying, I am fine. Normal was a different story.

"How do you know when it's time to walk away?" I frown.

"What?" The question catches Ivonna off guard.

"Niklaus' touch feels foreign."

Ivonna reaches across the table and places her hand over mine. I wish I could find some comfort in it, but I still feel uneasy. Ivonna stands from her seat, still holding my hand. I follow her as she walks through the French quarter. We end back up at the Mikaelson mansion. My ears perk up at the mention of the white oak stake. However, no one seems to have noticed the two of us yet. If Esther wants to rid the world of vampires, she'd have to fix more than just her kids. I think Kol trying to give his mother the stake is stupid, but who am I to voice my opinion.

"Your mother is the wrong hands." Ivonna frowns.

Everyone turns to look at us. My sister and I share the same displeased frown. If Esther wants to completely rid the world of vampires, she'll have to kill Ivonna and I as well. This should at least be a group discussion. Niklaus walks up behind Cami as Marcel shuts down Kol. Ivonna gives me an incredulous look. I'm certain I sure the same expression. Niklaus took the day to ingest hardcore narcotics while I was gone. I could think of no other explanation for what he just said.

"You're going to give it to him?" Ivonna gapes.

"You can't be serious, Niklaus." I frown.

"What she meant, you can't be that stupid."

"He gave his word. He'll honor it." Niklaus says more to me than Ivonna.

"As if I give a damn about Kol's word. As far as your mother knows, that stake can kill us. And if Esther Mikaelson tries to kill Nadia or I, I will rip out her heart myself."

"What do you care, Ivonna? The two of you can't be killed by the stake. This doesn't affect you." Kol frowns.

Wrong move. Ivonna is already pissed at Niklaus' decision to give up the stake, Kol is making it worse. Everyone else in the room that is not of Mikaelson blood is caught off guard. Ivonna stares daggers into Kol next to me, as I keep my eyes on Nik. I don't know what I'm looking for or silently begging for. Maybe it's for him not to do something so risky. Something that would ensure I lost him. The thought is unbearable, but before my mind can deep dive down that road, I hear Ivonna speaking beside me.

"Do you feel that, Kol?" Ivonna hisses.

My eyes shoot to Kol, who's clutching his chest.

"That searing pain in your chest. It's like your heart is being ripped out and impaled by a burning fire poker all at the same time. And suddenly you can't breathe because you're choking on your own blood."

Davina jumps from her seat to save Kol, but there's nothing she can do. Davina Claire is a nobody compared to the Petrovich witch standing before her. Niklaus doesn't make any move to save his older brother. He knows better, and if he suddenly lost the memory of how much my twin sister hates him, she has no qualms about reminding him. I snake my hand around my sister's forearm and Ivonna's facial expression changes, as if she hadn't just committed a cruel act. Kol gasps for air, his lungs begging for salvation. I wonder if Kol's current person made Ivonna show him some mercy. He doesn't wear the same face he did a thousand years ago — or even the last time we saw him in Mystic falls.

"Well, that's what it feels like having that stake shoved into our chest. Even if it won't kill us."

Ivonna walks away, taking her anger with her. I follow after Niklaus. This was preposterous. Esther got her hands on that white oak stake, and would not allow her children back into their immortal bodies. Nik keeps his back to me, most likely to avoid the same conversation that was just had downstairs. I can feel fear clenching my throat.

"Are you sure?" I frown.

"I trust Kol will honor his word." Nik admits.

"And I love that you trust him, but he isn't Elijah. His word doesn't mean much."

Niklaus doesn't turn around to meet my eyes, for whatever reasons.

"I'm scared, Niklaus." I admit.

This causes him to turn around and meet my gaze. Worry creases his brow.

"I can't lose you, I won't survive. A few months ago, I almost did and I thought the world had ended."

Niklaus looks at me as if I hold my heart in my hands. If this was anyone else, the expression would be considered pity.

"I-I won't survive." I whisper again.

Not a single part of me is lying. I am fine, but the reality hits me that it's the fragile kind. I wouldn't survive another heartbreak or loss. The smallest flick and I'd be broken glass. Maybe I am holding my heart in my hands, ready to give it away. Ready to be rid of it for good. Niklaus steps towards me, and I fight the urge to step back. Part of me wants him to comfort me, and the other knows a few sweet words and I would forgot what I was worried about to begin with. Nik wraps his arms around me tightly, laying his chin on-top my head. I inhale his scent, shutting my eyes closed. I had to trust Niklaus knew what he was doing.