» Time In A Bottle «

» NIGHTMARES «

Belle And Siddiq Have A Late Night Chat (pre-1001, canon)

"You...you."

I gasped myself awake, my fingers clutching at my chest where my heart thudded painfully. I gulped down harsh breaths, my lungs never quite feeling full despite the heaviness. A pair of warm hands were instantly brushing my cheeks, wiping fallen tears away and shushing me comfortingly.

Siddiq held my face close to his, scanning my eyes until they eventually relaxed from their widened state. I was here, I was safe.

"Sorry if I woke you up." I finally stuttered out, my teeth still chattering from fear.

He gave me a brief smile, shaking his head. "No, I was already awake." He said, his words causing a frown on my lips. That's when I noticed the sweat along his hairline, the way his fingers were still shaking slightly.

"Bad dream?" I wondered, although there was a tinge of amusement in my tone. Nightmares were a regular occurrence for the both of us, and this wasn't the first time we caught each other in a panic. Just two nights ago I had to shake him out of his sleep as he whimpered indecipherable words.

"Yeah, it was..." Siddiq answered, trailing off as he rubbed a hand across his eyebrows. I leaned back with him as he slumped against the headrest, his arm tight around my shoulder. I could hear the erratic beating of his heart as I lay my head on his chest.

I didn't need to ask what his dream was about. Sometimes he would scream himself awake, specific names spurting from his lips before he could stop them. He had been there, that night in the barn when Alpha brutally murdered our family and friends.

My dreams were different every time, other than the occasional reoccurring one that repeated itself for days on end. Sometimes it was the line up when Negan killed Glenn, except he never stopped there. It was always Carl next, then Daryl and Michonne and Rick. He would go along the line until there was nothing but brain matter and blood remaining, my hands buried in the substance as I sobbed in fear. Most times I woke up when the bat swung down on my own head.

Then there was the farm. All those years ago when Sophia, a reanimated shell of who she used to be, emerged from the barn doors. The blankness in her eyes, the stumble in her step. She would come out first, followed by Maggie and Beth and Hershel as they reached towards my shuddering figure. Bites covered every inch of their bodies, deep red crescents along their arms and legs. I could almost feel the tugging sensation as they ripped me apart.

Every dream was different, but one thing always stayed the same. The people I loved most were dead and there was nothing I could do to stop it.

"What about you?" Siddiq snapped me out of my thoughts, his thumb lightly brushing my arm. "What was yours about?"

I bit my tongue on instinct, my mind racing with the memories. He already knew the worst about me, it's not like this could do much harm.

"A while ago, when we first got here, the walls broke down and it got overrun." I started uncertainly, avoiding his eyes. "We got trapped in a house, and we covered ourselves in walker guts so we could get through the herd. It was me, Rick and Michonne, Carl and Judith and Gabriel...and the Andersons."

I winced at the name, swallowing thickly as I tried to continue. "I didn't know Jessie or Sam that well, but they were good people. Pete, Jessie's husband, beat her and his kids so Rick killed him. I always thought he deserved what he got, but the rest of his family didn't. They-It was horrible. I don't know what happened, I think Sam got scared and he started crying. And then they were on him, the walkers. He was a little kid, he just didn't understand."

I spoke quietly now, barely above a whisper, but Siddiq still listened. His tight grasp became softer, more comforting, as I went on. "I can't imagine the pain of watching your kid die in front of you. I never want to. Jessie completely froze, she-she wouldn't move. So they got her, too. She didn't even notice when they started ripping her apart. She didn't even care."

My fingers curled around Siddiq's shirt, my breaths becoming shallow as I struggled. But talking about it made it better, apparently. "Ron was messed up. He always had it out for Rick, since he killed his dad. He tried to hurt Carl, but before that he was my friend. I wanted to help him, I felt like I had to. He had a gun, and I guess he just saw his family die, so he wasn't thinking straight. He was gonna shoot Rick, I had to-"

My lips trembled suddenly, scratchy sobs escaping my throat as my whole body shook. "Hey, it's okay. You don't have to tell me if you can't." Siddiq mumbled, his fingers brushing the hair from my face. He could see the horror in my eyes, the memories that haunted me.

It had been a long time since I even thought about it, but there must've been some sort of domino effect in play. One nightmare led to another, and another and another until they spiralled out of control. They dragged up so many old feelings and fears, things I tried so hard to put behind me.

"I killed him. I killed Ron because he was going to kill Rick." My words were thick, my eyes wet with tears. "But he shot Carl anyway, and I started to feel like I did the right thing. That's what scared me. I killed my friend and I didn't even hesitate, and then I realised it felt right. It felt like I was changing, like killing people didn't matter anymore. So yeah, that's what my dream was about."

I couldn't blame Siddiq for being practically speechless, I wasn't quite sure what to say myself. This was something I had put behind me, that I accepted and moved on from.

'Stupid nightmares.'

"Belle, what happened was...I'm sorry you had to do that. But you did what anyone would do. It sounded like Ron couldn't be saved, not after going through something like that." He insisted softly, his words sinking into my mind. Siddiq must've been right, he seemed so sure of himself. I trusted him, I lov-

"I know. These stupid nightmares just keep bringing up old stuff that I'd rather forget." I shrugged weakly, my voice muffling into his shirt. The spike in my heart rate was starting to calm down, my breathing almost back to normal and the heaviness returning to my eyelids.

Siddiq didn't reply, the same thought bouncing around his mind. He wished he could forget, pretend like it never happened. But it was like the images were seared behind his eyes. The smell of blood and dust would never disappear, the grazes on his knees would leave permanent scars.

I yawned widely, my arms winding around him as my eyes fluttered shut. "I guess we should try to sleep."

He sunk down by my side, his grasp around me never loosening as his mind continued to race. He wasn't sure if he would be able to sleep tonight.

"Night, Siddiq." I mumbled sleepily, ignoring the emotional lump in my throat.

"Night, Belle."

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I don't care what anyone says, I love Belle and Siddiq (I'm kidding, I do care. Tell me what you think)

I've officially started writing season ten now, and I'm honestly so so excited

Btw a lot would've happened in this time jump (grieving, for one) and I'm not about to skip all that out