ただの友達 | y. okkotsu

twelve

"Miss [y/n], you have a wound. Let's take you to the hospital then get you back to school, shall we?" Ichiji, the manager you knew from Jujutsu High, tried to calm your crying, pushing you upwards from your seat on the concrete to stand up and start walking.

You stood up and started walking a few steps, but you fell to your knees, the hot tears of sorrow and pain that built up in your eyes finally overflowing from your tired eyes. You kneeled— kneeled like you were begging for something you wanted so desperately.

"I should have died a long time ago. So if you plan to be generous right now, please kill me already." You told Ichiji as you stared at him with your swollen eyes, your [e/c] orbs shining like clear glass from non-stop tears. They've never heard you utter a word so sincerely from the short time they knew you from afar, yet the genuine words you spoke were enough to make their eyes watery as well.

"Miss [y/n], we'll take you back after treating your wounds. I'm sure Ms. Shoko is waiting for our arrival as well just to heal the two of you." He replied hesitantly, not sure what words were right to say. He was never one for words in the first place, no matter how simple they were.

Crestfallen, you stood up and limped to the ambulance together with the two managers, passing out from exhaustion as soon as you entered the car and took a seat.

~

After what seemed like hours staying at the hospital and watching busy medical staff rush in and out of the rooms and through the corridors, you and the now conscious Yuta made your way back to Jujutsu High.

Silently walking as the two of you crossed the pathways to get to the campus, you arrived at the middle of the lonely fields where you train. You stopped, and Yuta followed suit, confused but did so nonetheless.

"[y/n]-"

"It was my fault, of course. Don't try to tell me otherwise." you started, taking a deep and shaky breath. Your eyes did not shine anymore. Not even with tears.

"[y/n], stop blaming yourself. It was my fault... I felt so useless during the mission, but I know you gave it your all just to make sure they were protected."

"So what, Yuta? Are you going to falsely blame yourself again for something that's not your fault, just how you blamed Rika's death on yourself despite knowing you weren't guilty? Don't make me laugh!" You raised your voice. It's shaking with so much disbelief it seemed like you were crazy.

"Since when was it your fault?" Yuta said, eyes widening as he slowly witnessed you crumble apart.

"She pushed me that day, sacrificed he life. Just so someone like me could live."

"That incident had nothing to do with you. Besides, you and I know she would never regret saving you."

"Do you hear yourself? How on earth did I have nothing to do with her death? Yuta, she was my best friend. You were my best friend. If you only knew what thoughts I had right before she died for me, I'm sure you'd curse me forever."

"Stop blaming yourself! Even in this mission, you were never the one to be blamed for their deaths!" Yuta shouted desperately, trying to reach you. But you had already built a wall right in front of you, refusing to let any of his words through your heart.

"You don't understand! No one ever does! Don't you see? From the moment we heard the gunshot before we boarded the cable cars, I had already messed the mission up. I was holding Emiko, and I activated my cursed energy in response. If I didn't do that, Emiko would have been able to warn us with her cursed technique. She could have sensed danger for us and in turn prevented everything from happening." you shouted as you explained, tears tiredly flowing from your eyes to the point that your face doesn't feel it.

"Don't you think that's making too farfetched of a conclusion-"

"That reason isn't enough for you? Then are you missing to see the bigger mistake? The moment I failed my swordsmanship and hit you with my blade, everything went even worse. With your cursed energy, we would have almost been guaranteed to keep them safe."

"[y/n], we both carry the burdens of the incidents and there's nothing we can do to go back in time. Right now we have to keep moving forward-"

"I'm tired!" you cried out so loud, even you were a little shocked with the volume of your voice. Quieter, you continued, "I'm sick and tired of having people die for me when they deserve to live more than I. I'm sick and tired of living in constant misery, pain, and guilt because of the things I've done and let happen. I'm tired, and I want to rest."

You clenched your chest, clawing it as if trying to ease your heart, but failing to do so. Hours ago you had failed the people who had brought you hope and short happiness. And now, the sun has fully risen and the birds chirp and sing along with the crickets.

The morning was so beautiful and peaceful, yet you were filled with everything but peace. You realized: the world stops for no one and it does not mourn for anyone. Or maybe, the world was just not in your favor, that it always contrasted things you wished would go the way you wanted it.

"I want to rest." You pleaded, eyes empty and broken, and though the sun shined bright, hitting your face, your eyes were dark and had forbidden the sun to enter.

footsteps.

Gojo and your classmates run towards the scene— the scene of a crying boy watching as a flower wilted right in front of him.

"Yuta, [y/n]... You were given almost 2 weeks of break, both as rest from your mission and because December 24's nearing. Let's talk about the mission some other time. The two of you should get needed rest."

But that was never the kind of rest you needed.

a/n:    :)  <3

so this chapter was a little shorter than usual since the previous chapter was hella long but anyways, imma do my explanations here

so first i wondered why y/n confessed during that one chapter, and to answer it as well, i just thought of it as a way to depict how fast emiko was able to change her, as well as the confidence and happiness she was able to bring to y/n in a short period of time.

second, i wanted to include this part (the mission) even though it's almost exactly like hidden inventory, because i was struggling to find where to possibly insert y/n joining geto, and this was honestly the easiest way i saw that opening so sorry for overusing it, my brain is not good with plot huhu

that's honestly all the explaining i have for you  :D kekeke

but on a different note, thank you for the support i've been receiving so far, it really is motivating me to write more (❁'◡'❁)

OH AND, i just realized that i subconsciously made emiko like odasaku and y/n like dazai... ISTG IT WASNT INTENDED I JUST REALIZED IT AFTER YOU GUYS COMMENTED BUT DAMN... champagne is pain served fancily 🥂