Before You Go • VHOPE [On Hold]

Chapter 27: Personal Conflict

Mr. Jung took him to the canteen where they were having some sandwiches and juice. Both seated side-by-side.

"Hoseok's birthday is approaching... Only a week away." Taehyung said, almost as if taunting the cruelty. "Birthday in a hospital... Not so much of a jolly environment, is it?"

"The stem-transplant is just the day after his birthday."

"The doctor said that?"

Hoseok's father nodded. "Yes. They've found a donor, and in a day or two, the radiation and another cycle of chemo will begin to prepare his immune system for it."

"Thank goodness. I hope it all goes well."

"That's not all I wanted to talk about, though."

Mr. Jung sipped from the can before turning a bit towards Taehyung, "Hoseok has always been the shy type ever since he started middle school. He was really frivolous before that though."

"Really? Why the change?"

He nodded, "I think it was around the time his mother passed away. He didn't take it very well, none of us did, actually. It was like a thunderstorm over our lives. I was heartbroken and depressed for a long time, and," He hesitated, "as much as I would like to hide the fact, I neglected him for a long time. I was blinded by my own melancholy that I forgot the boy had lost his mother too."

"He was having a hard time as well. His school grades went down, he couldn't focus much and his timid demeanor caused more mischievous kids to pick at him. Yoongi was his only friend throughout all those times. Even when I wasn't there, that boy was."

There it was. Another pang of serious jealously this time, engulfing Taehyung which he had to try and shove off. He took a quick deep breathe, bracing himself to hear more compliments about the boy.

"And now when he's having the most difficult time of his life, you're by his side all the time." Mr. Jung said, resting his hand on Taehyung's shoulder, patting it a bit. Taehyung smiled a little, feeling better to be recognised.

"But I'm afraid your attachment is only going to bring you immense pain, and it may even derail you from the reality. You haven't really been living much of your life in the past month, Taehyung."

"I'm fine, really. It isn't a problem..."

"No, it is." He emphasised again, "Taehyung, as a parent, I'm doomed to be heartbroken once again if I lose my son. But nothing would be more heartbreaking than watching another soul succumb to the void from heartbreak."

Taehyung scoffed, sighing, "What are you suggesting... Sir? I can't just leave him like that. I- I care for him. Immensely."

"I know that. And I'm not asking you to leave, but to live." Mr. Jung passed another sandwich to him, "Help yourself be grounded. And now that Hoseok has to be in the hospital, and with visiting hours so short, you need to spend the rest of the time living your life, not passing it away."

"I'll... I'll try..." Taehyung shuffled in his seat with discomfort. His heart wanted to scream and make Hoseok's father aware that he cannot live without Hoseok, that he wants to see him all the time and he loves him crazily. However, he stopped himself, realising his overwhelming emotions and behaviour might just prove Mr. Jung right. That he doesn't have a life of his own anymore.

And to realize that perhaps it was true, that maybe whatever he has been so manically doing and chasing, was all unhealthy and dangerous. That he was deliberately leading his own self towards the cliff to self-destruct into a pile of despair soon enough, to be pathetic and lead a meaningless life again, blaming himself.