Before You Go • VHOPE [On Hold]

Chapter 18: In Love

There he was, standing infront of Hoseok, his eyes staring back softly at him while his head slowly leaned in.

Hoseok waited for something in anticipation, his heart hammering in his chest for reasons unknown. But in that moment, his worked up nerves were feeling positively excited for what was to come.

But, Hoseok almost felt his heart beat flatten for a second, a gravity heavy upon his heartㅡ when Taehyung's face brushed past his cheek, and he rested his chin down on his shoulder. His hands slowly reaching to overlap and hold Hoseok into a hug.

Hoseok gasped a little at that, and instantly cursed at himself in his mind. He was surprised, "Taehyung?"

"Hm?" He hummed back.

"Are you okay?"

"I just feel like holding you close."

Hoseok's heart thumped. His cheeks flushed. Are friendships supposed to be like this? Why does my heartㅡ

"Okay, but.." Hoseok murmured, trying to shove his confusion away as his hands attempted to hold Taehyung's arm to pull him away.

But Taehyung's grip only tightened and his embrace became more intimate and strong. He hid his face in the crook of his neck. Hoseok almost felt the unintentional brush of his lips against his neck, and it kinda tickled in an arousing way that he never wants to acknowledge again.

"Just for a little while.. let me be like this." Taehyung mumbled. There wasn't any way Hoseok could see his face. Hoseok hummed in approval and hesitantly yet slowly placed his hands on his back, hugging him back.

His warmth felt satisfying and he liked the hug, but the way Taehyung breathed onto his chestㅡ the way Hoseok remembered their kissㅡ it made Hoseok gulp and pray Taehyung didn't realise the ramming in his chest. His heart pounded crazily.

He wanted to distract and calm himself. "So.. where did your mom go..?" He started in a pitchy voice which he soon tamed to avoid raising suspicion.

"Why does it matter?" Taehyung raised his head a little, his breathe hitting his neck again and his lips slightly brushing.

Hoseok gulped, "I was just asking.." He stated mindlessly.

"Yeah..?" Taehyung chuckled softly and rested his head on his chest again, he thought to himself for a while before he spoke again.

"She said there's this important business trip so she won't be home. She doesn't even remember my birthday.. and I didn't remind her. Just let her leave. It doesn't make a difference anyway.. she's gone almost every year. And when she does stay in.. she talks about work."

"I'm sorry-" Hoseok murmured, not knowing what to say anymore. It clearly wasn't helping the situation rather he felt he made it more awkward.

"It's okay.. my life has already always been full with ridicules of people, the way they frown like I'm some low-life that's not supposed to exist. So compared to all that, this ain't much." He said awfully calmly, his eyes closed and his body motionless.

"Th-That's not true.. I don't think that way." Hoseok said awkwardly, begging to differ.

"Hm.." Taehyung approved tiredly, his voice seeming understanding. His voice more slow as he mumbled softly, "But with you.. it's different."

Hoseok was clueless and speechless so he justㅡ didn't ask any more personal questions. This was enough for him. He didn't want to make him feel uncomfortable or feel it himself so he just calmly stayed there in the hug, patiently awaiting Taehyung's response.

So much patience, that he didn't realize Taehyung's muscles had relaxed and he was starting to fall asleep. When he did feel the weight of him becoming heavier, he whispered, "Taehyung? Are you okay?"

That pulled Taehyung back to semi-conscience and he whispered softly and sleepily with his eyes still closed, "Yes.. I'm sorry.. I feel tired-"

"It's okay, come here, you can sleep-" Hoseok said alertly and lead Taehyung onto the bed, helping him lay down.

"Thanks." Taehyung murmured almost half-asleep. The other guy reckoned the birthday boy must have worked himself out too much. He chuckled to himself when he thought Taehyung must have had fun.

Hoseok stopped the soft music that was playing and moved over hesitantly to his side of the bed. He quietly sat down, a bit awkward to pull his bare feet up and lay down on the bed beside him.

He felt uneasy, so he just sat there with his feet up and gazed at Taehyung sleeping beside him.

He smiled softly as he looked at his beautiful featuresㅡ smooth skin, long eyelashes casting shadows underneath, and his rosy lips.

Hoseok suddenly remembered something and scavenged his medicines from his bag-pack, swallowing with water. And in that moment, guilt washed over him, drenching him in a sad hopelessness as he glanced at Taehyung.

He had kept his own condition hidden from him, he had decided from the start to not tell anyone. But now, as responsibility awakened in his mind, he was just clueless how to break it to Taehyung.

He possibly couldn't do thatㅡ not now when Taehyung has turned out to be so close to him, like a sort of sunshine that provided warmth before black clouds would surround him forever.

It was a selfish choice, but any other choice apart from thisㅡ he knewㅡ would bring only pain.

But Taehyung had this power within himself to lessen Hoseok's pain. And as Hoseok's eyes fell upon his face once again, he felt gratitudeㅡ along with another feeling that only gained more and more clarity as time went by.

Hoseok licked his lips, held his breathe and sighed. His eyes staring softly and adorably at Taehyung's cute face. He wanted to do thisㅡ just this once. To maybe ascertain his feelings and emotions.

He leaned in, and every second that he closed in on him, his heavily beating heart made the emotion more and more sharper and stronger.

He softly placed his lips on his, and then kissed him, slowly closing his eyes while Taehyung's were already closed. And in that moment, Hoseok was overwhelmed with realisation. He had just kissed him, and that made him all hot immediately.

And the emotion he felt, he couldn't help but completely admit and accept it to himself in that moment. It was hard to not be swayed by his emotions. He wanted to cry out loudly in his sadness and joy. His heart and mind had just finally aligned.

There was no way out, he had already drowned himself in this beautifully painful abyss and there was no denying it anymore.

He was in love with Taehyung.

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I personally love this chapter so far, hence I never deleted it because then I'd have been all empty & clueless uwu

A/N: By the way, I wanted to thank you guys for the supportive responses. I did feel very discouraged last month because I wasn't sure if me writing fanfictions was the one of the biggest reasons of my problems. I had a lot of thinking and staying alone to do but that helped me put things into perspective and accept my boundaries, and maybe now I've reached a positive conclusion. I love writing and I wouldn't want to stop doing so ^-^