In My Dreams

Chapter Thirteen

The rambunctious blaring of my phone alarm jarred me out of a sleep. Reaching over I swipe the snooze button for five more minutes. My eyes flicker open adjusting to the morning light creeping through the blinds. Stretching my body all the way down from head to my toes, I lay staring up at the ceiling until the final alarm calls forcing me out of bed.
Squeezing toothpaste onto my toothbrush, I stare at my reflection in the mirror. I look okay, normal even considering everything, but inside the ache for him niggles me at the very heart that still beats endlessly for him.
Then I remember to wake him so I pull on my dressing gown and quickly brush my hair appearing a little presentable.
I'm stalking down the corridor to the spare room, and pressing my ear up against the door only to hear silence. The silence hung in the air like the suspended moment before glass shatters on the ground. Giving the door a gentle knock, I pull the handle quietly and I'm confronted by an empty room. Pushing the door wide open, I see the bed is made, there are no clothes folded up on the chair, there is no trace of him ever being here. He left without saying goodbye.
The pain I carry in my chest as I shuffle back to my bedroom is inexplicable. Jaxon not being here hurts a lot. I am lost and the way for me to be found is if I see him again, forgive him and forget the mistake was ever made.
Finding my eighty denier tights, I roll the thick material up my cold legs in an unladylike manor, jumping around to force them over my hips. Buttoning up my baby pink shirt and tucking it into my black pencil skirt. I look myself over in the mirror and apply some light makeup to finish.
The time is coming up to eight o'clock in the morning and I'm already in my kitchen, fully dressed and ready to go.
Picking up my keys and pulling out my patent Prada shoes from the shoe rack, I slide my feet into them while admiring how gorgeous they are. While I lock the door behind me, my phone pings in my bag.
The pavement is wet with the night's rain and made slippery by the winter temperatures, these heals were not the greatest idea. Digging through my bag and pulling out my phone, I swipe the screen to read the message Jaxon sent. My stomach flips seeing his name.

'Have a good day at work today. If there are any problems let me know. I take it we're not seeing each other later?'

Of course, I want to see him. I need to see him. I can't punish him over something that technically has nothing to do with me. I cannot live another moment without him.

'Of course, I want to see you tonight. I love you, you moron."

Approaching the steps of the station, I catch a glimpse of a young woman standing at the bottom, searching for something or someone, scanning the crowd in a silent panic. Her eyes darting more widely with each passing second.

'You don't know how happy you have just made me. I know how upset you are and I will forever be making it up to you I promise. Can I meet you at the station later? P.s I love you.'

Honestly, I want to be mad at him. I want to make him to feel as miserable as I was yesterday but I don't think I have the energy to play games. This Jess will always be a part of his life and I'm certainly not someone that will make him choose. It's impossible not to feel jealous knowing when he is at his studio, she is there too. Is she there with him now?
As I reach the bottom of the stairs, a hand grabs my arm, yanking me into a corner. Snapping my head up to see that it's the same distressed girl who was waiting at the bottom of stairs.
Has she been waiting for me?
Her skin is porcelain and her hair red as fire, her eyes are blood shot and there are bruises covering her face.
"Excuse me what are you doing, get off my arm you are hurting me!" I screech, pulling my arm away from her strong grip.
"Shh please. No one can know I'm here. Please keep it down Ada." She whispers abruptly but with all the different loud noises coming from the tube station, I find it difficult to hear her.
How does she know my name?
"Helen?" I guessed.
"Alex. He scares me. You need to watch yourself, Ada. It's only the beginning. He blames me for you leaving him and I can't get away." She says touching her swollen chin. "You rejected him. No one rejects Alex and gets away with it he says. I must go before he finds out I'm here. He has eyes everywhere. He's watching you and your boyfriend too."
She pushes past my shoulder and scurries off. I have so many questions I want to ask but she's vanishes into thin air. "What the fuck." I say under my breath. A phrase that is said too often recently and this is definitely a time to say it. All it takes is the mention of Alex's name to make me feel so tiny in this big world. Taking a deep breath and straightening my skirt I walk to my platform. While I wait for the train to arrive I squeeze the bandages on my finger. I will forever have a scar as a constant reminder of him. It was his intention all along to leave a mark on me forever.
Replaying everything she told me in my mind as I board a packed carriage clinging to a hand rail that a kind man gave up for me.
'You need to watch yourself' to me that sounds like something is coming? She looked like the kind of girl that women love to hate. Beautiful, flawless even. She is an adult, I suppose, but so young that she should be enjoying her life not being hit by the hands of a psychotic middle-aged man. Being so deep in thought, I almost miss my stop. I call out for someone to hold the door and force my way off the train, rushing out of the station. Welcoming the cold air on my face, I shakily take the fresh air into my lungs, breathing in and out before pulling out my phone from my pocket dialling Jaxon.
"What's wrong!?" He panicked.
The only times I call him is if I'm in trouble, probably giving him anxiety when he sees my name flash across his phone. "You wouldn't believe who I was stopped by this morning... Helen! She was waiting for me at the station." Helen said he has eyes everywhere, so I look in every direction for anyone suspicious.
"Who's Helen?" Surely, he should know who she is by now.
"The eighteen-year-old girl that Alex shagged Christmas Eve. You know the whole reason why all this shit is happening? She stopped me to warn me about Alex," I say hiding myself in a closed shop door way. "She looked awful Jax, she was so scared, constantly looking over her shoulder. She's has bruises all over her face where he beats her."
"What did she say to you?"
"That I need to watch myself and that he has eyes everywhere, that he's watching us." The hairs on the back of my neck stand on end as the thought of him watching us sends shivers down my spine, just like he did the other day.
"Babe, you know when I said you need a fresh start. I think its time now. That doesn't sound too good. Do you have to go into work today? Can't you come to the studio?" Oh god no. I'm not going back to that place for a while.
"Is that a joke?" I say. "I have to go. I don't want to be late on my first day back."
"Okay. I will meet you at the station. Text me when you leave work. I'd say have a good day but it seems like you are already off to a cracking one already." He says, trying to lighten the mood.
I laugh through my nose "Okay. Talk to you later."
Looking at my watch I don't have much time to buy coffees so I head straight to the office.
Showing my work pass to the security guard at the door, I rush over to the lifts, patiently waiting, watching the floor levels counting down as the elevator passes each floor.
"Good morning Ada." Snapping my head out of thought, Richard my boss is staring at me with a smile.
"Good morning Richard. Sorry I was in a world of my own there." I say nervously looking down at my watch to see if I'm on time.
"How is the hand?" He asks.
"It's much better now thank you. A little sore but it's okay."
"That's good. I'm glad to hear that."
The lift doors burst open, Richard being the gentleman he is signals for me to go in first. "I was going to talk to you later about some changes occurring in the office. We have a new CFO joining us in a couple months' time. I'm stepping down from my role to spend some time with my family. You have been personally requested to become his Executive Assistant and there will be a pay incentive for you." He says stepping back and forth on his heels then onto his tiptoes.
"Oh... okay," I stutter "What's his name?"
"Christopher Hayes is his name." He reveals, stepping out of the lift. He holds open the lift doors and we walk along the corridor together to our office. Approaching my desk, I flop my bag on top and wiggle my mouse allowing the screen to come to life.
"We will chat some more about this later. Put some time in my diary today please?" Patting the back of my chair then sauntering off to his office, closing the door behind him.
While I'm typing my password word I hear a familiar voice echoing the corridor. Gemma. "Knock knock" she laughs entering the room beaming her incredible bright smile.
"Gem!" I squeal in excitement "You've coloured your hair! It's brown! Why did you change it!?"
"It's time I grow up. No one takes me seriously with pink hair in this place. Dom the Gom suggested I should do it to "appear more professional to your peers' He said."
"What! You should have told him to get stuffed. You know if I were senior management I would make having pink hair mandatory just for you." She smiles, passing me a cup of coffee from Costa as she takes a sip from hers.
"How is your hand babe?"
"Oh, it's fine. A little sore buts its fine." Repeating myself for the second time already this morning.
"Can I see?"
"See what?" I ask.
"Your stitches."
I haven't taken off the bandages yet. I haven't been able to face what I'll be left with for the rest of my life. "Okay. I'll try." Unpicking the knot around my wrist, dread has my stomach locked up tight as I start to unravel the bandages. Peeling the last layer of my finger that is stuck to my skin carefully and slowly, I close my eyes while the dread is in full throttle.
"Oh my god Ade! That is immense. Look how deep that is." Bringing her head closer to inspect.
"I know. I didn't even feel it. I thought it was a paper cut at first but the razor was that sharp I hardly felt a thing." I've said too much.
She looks at her watch and starts to panic. "Oh god, I'm late for a meeting! We will speak later!" She gives me a quick kiss on the cheek and rushes out the room.
Looking down at my finger, the sudden relief I feel not having the bandages wrapped tightly around my finger. Throwing the bandages in the bin, I decide not to wrap it up again. Life feels so much easier without it on. I can type with both hands now. Richard's next available slot in his diary is in twenty minutes time, that's all I could find at short notice.
Quickly reading through my emails before the meeting, I reply to those that require a response. Just as I take the last sip of my coffee, a five-minute reminder popped up from my calendar. Sending an email to Gemma just to waste a couple of minutes, asking what her plans are for New Years, then the door to his office opens and Richard's head pokes through the crack of the door. "Ready?"
Locking my computer, I head into his office and sit on a chair in front of his desk. He grabs some paper off his printer then sits himself down. "Christopher will be taking over from where I left off so your usual daily tasks should stay the same but are subject to change by your new manager in the near future. I will still be around after the initial handover so any teething issues you wish to address, you can discuss with us both. This is your new contract." He leans across his desk, handing me over an A4 envelope. "We are offering you a ten thousand pound pay raise as a thank you for all your hard efforts which will take your salary up to sixty-five thousand per annum. Read through your contract, if you are happy with it, sign it then pass it to Human Resources."
From nowhere came the sound of an old-fashioned telephone. Richard pulled out his phone from his suit pocket checking the caller I.D. He stands firmly to his feet. "I have to take this." He says rushing out his office to answer in private.
While he's gone, I smile to myself when I think about my ten-thousand-pound pay rise, I feel so over the moon, I feel like dancing. I could do so much with the extra money, I could even buy a house, who knows. Jaxon is right, I do need to look for somewhere else to live and with this extra money I will be able to do so.
"Sorry about that." Richard says walking back to his desk. "I've been given tickets to see West Ham United Versus West Brom but I'm a Tottenham fan, I don't want to go. Now I have to find someone who wants to watch that rubbish."
"I'll have them if you don't want them?" I ask.
"Yeah ok. That saves me a job finding someone else. The tickets will be at reception in ten minutes. I'm not busy today, I would like to get out of here soon so if you want to leave you can. Go and enjoy your evening." Standing from his chair, he holds his hand out to shake my hand.
"Christ Ada!" He retreats his hand not taking his eyes away from my finger.
"Oh sorry. I forgot. I took my bandages off earlier." Hiding my hand behind my back.
"That looks nasty. I'm so sorry." Rubbing the back of his neck, with a guilty look on his face.
"Sorry? Why are you sorry? It's not your fault. I'm the clumsy one."
Sitting tense on his chair as he stares at me for a while, there was an awkward silence that I can't explain.
"Anyway, thank you for everything. It's been a pleasure working with you. I hope you have a good evening and I'll see you in two-thousand-and-nineteen." I say with a smile but all he can muster is half of one. Just as I go to leave his office Richard calls out to me.
"I won't be in till next Thursday, I don't expect you to be here either."
"Really? Are you sure? That's awfully kind of you Richard." Raising my eyebrows surprised by his generosity.
"It's the least I can do Ada. Have a break and I'll see you next Thursday. I need to make a phone call now. Have a good one."
Strolling out his office, I turn off my computer and grab my bag. Wandering down the corridor to Gemma's desk but she's not here and neither are her belongings. Just as I was about to turn back and leave, Dominic spots me through the window of his office and signals for me to come in. I can't help but wince as If tasting something awful.
"Are you looking for Gemma?"
"I was yes. Has she left?" I ask.
"She has, yes. Did she not tell you that I let her go early?"
"No, I've been in a meeting." I reply already feeling annoyed by him.
"Well seeing that you are here, do you fancy going for a drink with me?" he blurts out.
"Oh... erm... thanks for the offer," I stutter, completely taken back. "but my boyfriend is meeting me. Anyway, have a good evening." I say, leaving quickly putting as much distance between him as I can. I make one last stop at reception to pick up the West Ham tickets then I skip out the building.
As I exit the building, I call Gemma but she doesn't answer. This is really out of character, usually she answers her calls on the first ring. She would always swing past the room to say goodbye.
Pulling my phone from my coat pocket, I call Jaxon.
"Hey gorgeous, have you left work yet?"
"Yeah I've just left. I'm walking to the station now." Finding it hard to hide my despondency over the phone.
"You sound down. What's happened? It's me isn't it?"
"No, it's not you." Giggling down the phone. "It's just been a weird morning. First Helen, then I get a pay rise and now I'm being ghosted by my best mate. I'll be glad when this year is over."
"I've just left to come meet you. Quickly jump on the train and you can tell me all about it when you get here."
"Ok. I am just walking down now. See you in about five minutes." I say looking down at my phone. Its only 10.30am and already so much has happened. Waiting impatiently for my train to arrive, all I can think about is seeing Jaxon.
Hearing the train rattling in the tunnel as it approaches the platform, a warm breeze hits my face as the train bursts through the tunnel as it slows. When the train approaches the platform I press the open-door button continuously until they do. I know it doesn't do anything, it doesn't make them open faster. It's like when pressing for an elevator that doesn't come fast enough, so you continuously press the button just to make yourself feel better. Rush hour is over so the carriages are clear and I'm spoilt for choice of chair but I decide I don't want to sit down. I want to be ready to jump off the train.