In My Dreams

Chapter Thirty-Four

"Are you ready to go in?" Jaxon says.
There was an encouragement in his eyes, they were warm and soft. When I am around him I feel more capable, more able, a better human than I otherwise could have been. I nod my head and open the car. I take a look up at the building and my misery instantly sets in. This doesn't feel like my home anymore, the sooner I move out of this place the better. Jaxon pulls out our bags from the boot and takes my hand. "Come on. You can do this. You will feel better once your in." He tells me.
I follow him up the flights of stairs, all the way to the top floor, watching with anticipation as Jaxon unlocks the door to the flat. I take a few small steps inside and fix my eyes on a speck of dried blood on the floor. "What's wrong?" Jaxon asks.
"Blood." I say pointing to the floor.
"Shit. I missed a bit. Go to the bedroom and unpack your stuff and I'll clean it up." He panics, gently pushing me away from the blood leading me to the bedroom. Instead I walk over to the kitchen and pull out some antibacterial wipes from under the sink and wiping clean the last remaining speck of Alex's blood off the floor. Jaxon watches on, proudly smiling at me and placing his arm across my shoulders. "I'm afraid of him Jaxon" I tell him.
"I know babe. But I think you're being brave considering what you've been through. I'm here though so try to relax."
Being brave means being afraid, or at least it does for me. The two go hand in hand. I will not be ruled by it. Being here in this flat is good for me. It's a step forward to conquering because if I don't, how will I progress in life? "Where would we even begin with all this stuff." I say, looking around at all my things, all the furniture, all my pots and pans hanging from the kitchen wall.
"We don't have to start it now." He answered.
"But I want to." I demanded. "I am working all week. I don't want to stay here longer than I have to."
Jaxon goes down to his car and brings up twenty flat packed boxes my dad gave us. While I wait for Jaxon building the boxes, I pull out my drawers and start sorting through all old post and throwing away out dated letters. Pulling out my clothes from the wardrobe and boxing them up neatly, I look around the bedroom taking in the emptiness of the room.
We spend most of night boxing all the easy little things we won't need for the next couple of days, pulling off pictures and clocks from the walls and wrapping them up in bubble wrap. Surprisingly, it hasn't been a daunting task as what I thought it would be. "I can't believe how much we have done." I say feeling pleased with our efforts.
Jaxon looks around the flat and agrees "It certainly looks different. When do you want me to sort out the furniture?"
"As soon as possible really. I have no reason to stay here." I tell him. He uses google for the nearest removal companies and notes down the numbers for him to call tomorrow.
"Hungry?" He asks.
"Yeah I could eat."
He waves the menus in the air that have been left on the side for the bin. I was hoping he wouldn't suggest a take out. I don't think I could face hearing the sound of buzzing intercom again.
"No Chinese and please no delivery. Can we collect something instead?" I ask, bending my finger nails nervously. There is a kindness to his smile, an understanding. He doesn't tell me I'm being stupid or silly, he pulls on his coat and takes out his car keys from his pocket. "Shall we get a McDonalds? Or would you like to go out for dinner?" He suggests.
"I don't really fancy eating in a restaurant. I am far too tired for anything like that.
"I'm fine with McDonalds if you are?"
He takes my new Ugg's from off the shoe rack and places them next to me. "Let's go then." He says.

I rip the McDonalds bag open on the dining table and hand over Jaxon his box of twenty nuggets. I pull out my box of twenty nuggets and a Big Mac. All those days of not eating properly are finally catching up to me as my hunger rages on.
"If you eat all of that, I'll let you choose all the paint colours for the flat." He challenges me, scoffing down his own nugget.
"Challenge accepted." I say, sinking my teeth into the burger.
Jaxon watches me eat my final chicken nugget as I dunk the last bite in BBQ sauce and shove it into my mouth. He shakes his head out of disbelief. "I don't think I have ever seen you eat so much before." He claims, taking the rubbish from the table and shoving the empty boxes down into the bin.
"I guess that means I get to decorate the flat then." I joke, winking my eye at him. He holds his hand up in defeat and moves over to the sofa to chill for the rest of the night. I rest my head on his lap while he plays with my hair just the way I like. I can't help but close my eyes and let the relaxation take over.
"Babe?"
I feel my body being nudged.
"Ada?"
I yawn and I stretch my rested body as I see Jaxon's eyes twinkling at me. I take a deep breath and I give his handsome face a smile. "Hey." I whisper.
"Babe, it's ten past seven. Do you need to get ready for work?" He reminds me, kissing the top of my hand.
I shoot up from the bed and reach for my phone to check the date and time. "I must have been so tired last night". I say as I swing my legs off the bed and dart across to the bathroom.
Jaxon shouts out to me while I clean my teeth. "I work it out that you've had eighteen hours sleep yesterday!"
"Eighteen!? Wow. I do have an excuse though. I haven't slept properly for almost three weeks because I've had so much nervous energy. I'm guessing now that things are settling and getting back to normal with us, I feel more relaxed."
I give myself a quick wash over and I change into my work clothes. I look myself over in the mirror and quickly straighten my hair. I catch a glimpse of Jaxon eyeballing me over whilst leaning against the door frame sipping on a cup of tea.
"I hired a removal van last night, they will be here soon." He tells me. "Kinder don't want the removal men to see you." he laughs.
I smile back at him through the mirror while I finish applying the last of my makeup. I walk over to him and wrap my arms around his neck. "I'll leave soon, don't worry." I replied giving him a kiss on the lips "I love you."
"I love you so much more" he added. "Do you want me to walk you to the station?"
"No, it's ok." I give him a kiss on the cheek and grab my bag. "Text me and let me know how you get on today?" I squeeze his bum and stroll into the living room dodging the boxes on the floor. I pull on my boots and then make my way over to the door.
"Have a good day and be careful." Jaxon warns "any problems, call me."
I sit at my desk with my coffee reading through my emails, not really paying them much attention as I constantly wonder how Jaxon is getting on with the moving. I knock at Richards office door waiting for him to call me in but I don't hear anything. I knock once more but still no response. I worriedly open his office door and slowly peak in and that's when I see Richard slumped over his desk. I tip toe closer to him only to be confronted by a strong smell of whisky and there in the bin is the evidence, a large empty bottle of Jack Daniels.
What do I do?
"Richard?" I say nudging him on the shoulder. "Richard?" Still nothing. Standing there with my hands on my hips, there is only one way to wake him. "Richard!" I yell out.
His eyes shoot open and rolls back on his chair knocking into his filing cabinet behind him from the shock. He wipes the drool from around his mouth with his shirt sleeve and fixes his tie.
"Ada! I...I... Err" He stutters, sitting flustered in his chair smoothing out his hair.
I look out the office door to see if there were anyone close by and shut it. "Are you ok?" I ask.
"I'm fine, better than what I deserve." He states as he looks down at his watch.
"Do you want to talk about it?" I offer while I straighten up his room.
He peers over at me with his tired eyes and goes to say something but he stutters and stares back at the floor.
"I've done some terrible things," He confesses, spinning his chair around, looking out the window. "And now it's fucking up my life." He continues.
I fix my eyes at his reflection in the window. I don't see a powerful man right now, all I see is a scared broken man. "Is there anything I can do to help?" I ask, knowing there is absolutely nothing I can do.
He shakes his head slowly, gazing out the window and mumbles "There is no way of escaping this." He turns his head to look over at me as if I should know what he means.
"Is there anything I can get for you? Water. Coffee maybe. Something to eat?" I ask him.
He stands slowly from his chair and takes a deep breath, combing his messy hair with his fingers. "Ada, I need to tell you something..."  he is interrupted by his phone ringing, he watches on as the phone dances about the table on vibrate. "I should take this, it's my wife. Probably wondering why I never visited last night." He accepts the call and sits back down on the chair.
I walk out his office closing the door quietly behind me giving him some privacy and I sit down at my desk, pulling out my phone from my bag.

'Good afternoon my beautiful bride. The flat is now empty and we've Just brought the last of your stuff up. Your car is still in the car park and I can't find your spare key so you will have to meet me back at the flat. Love you'

So, it's official. I've moved out of my first ever flat. The flat that contributed into making me an independent woman. The flat that I never really got to live in until Jaxon came on the scene. The flat that witnessed mine and Jaxon's first sexual encounter. The flat that made me feel lonely when I never really realised it. The flat that brought literal demons to my door. The flat that I'm overjoyed to be rid of.

'Wow! I can't believe you moved all that in one day. Tonight, we will be staying in our new flat. It feels weird but in such a good way. I will try and leave early but will let you know. I love you with all my heart.'

Just as I drop my phone back into my bag, Richard opens the door to his office and puts his Amex on my desk. "Get yourself some lunch on me," He stands with an uneasy embarrassment shifting his weight on each foot. "I appreciate how professional you can be in awkward situations. Thank you." He added.
I give him an appreciative smile as I take the Amex and slot it in my coat pocket. "Is that an engagement ring?" Richard blurts out.
I flash my hand around and I parade my hand in front of my face. "Yes, It it. It all happened very quickly but I am incredibly happy." I tell him. "We've officially moved in together today. We have a new flat so it's all very exciting stuff." I announce.
He gives me a forced half smile and starts to run his fingers through his hair and sighs loudly. "Congratulations." He muttered. "Do you need to take some time out to get settled in your new place?" He asks.
"No, it's ok. I can work around it." I tell him as I stand to put on my coat.
He runs his hand down his tie and continues to act uneasy. "Take tomorrow out. I insist." He ordered, turning back to his office and closing the door behind him.
I stand for a moment wondering to myself what the hell that was all about. Why does he make things so weird? For someone extremely successful as he is, he is seriously socially inept.
Holding on to a pole in the middle of the aisle of the tube, a surge of excitement rushes over me when I realise I never have to lay eyes on this tube ever again. Knowing my Jaxon is waiting for me at the other end is making this journey seem longer. We are starting a new chapter of our lives together and it gives me butterflies or is that the tuna and sweet corn jacket potato somersaulting in my stomach from lunch. I grimace at the thought.
I rush off the train and race up the stairs to the entrance. I see Jaxon leaning up against the wall watching people in their suits passing by when he picks me from the crowd. His smile and dimples are on full display as I approach knowing how happy he is to see me. "Hello beautiful." He says wrapping his arms around my waste bringing me in closer to his body and kissing me for everyone to see. "Let's get you home."
I nod in agreement as he takes my hand in his and we amble along the high street.  I tell him I found my boss passed out on his desk and an empty bottle of whiskey in the bin. "He noticed my ring and started acting really strange. It had him all flustered for some reason and then insisted I take tomorrow off. Sometimes I just don't know how to take him." I explain, glancing over at my car as we approach the security gates of the flats.
"He's weird. Maybe he finds it awkward being compassionate? Not all men are like me." He jokes winking at me. "Do you want to go up? Give the place a once over before we leave?" He added.
I run my eyes over the building as I start to feel dread. "Na. I don't want to go back up there." I admit. "Let's just go." I throw Jaxon the car keys and slide into the passenger side.
Jaxon bows his head and gives me a knowing smile. He doesn't bother arguing with me, he just starts the car engine as it purrs into action as we make our move to start our new life together.

"It's a bit of a mess." He announces, approaching the top of the stairs displaying boxes upon boxes scattered across the entire flat.
"It's ok we can sort it out tomorrow." I disregard the boxes with a wave of my hand and sprawl myself out on the sofa.
Jaxon stands over me looking concerned, seeing me spread out the way I am which I would never normally do. "Are you feeling alright?" he worries, lifting my legs up from the sofa and squeezing himself in next to me.
"Yeah I'm fine. I'm just very tired recently." I reply with a smile.
He checks the time on his phone. "Babe it's only 6 o'clock." He says in surprise. "The first thing I did when I got here was make the bed up, so if you want to go to sleep you can."
"I'm hungry." I say while yawning. "I fancy chip shop chips."
Jaxon laughs through his nose and kisses my knee of all places. He pushes my legs off his lap and walks over to the window. "Lucky for you we live opposite a chip shop." He checks his pockets for his wallet and puts his shoes back on. "What do you want? Just chips?"
I go to get up "I'll come." I say, forcing myself up from the sofa.
"No, you stay here. Keep warm." He orders.
How can I argue with that? I don't even have the energy to walk back up those stairs again.