anxiety. the only prominent feeling clay has felt this entire week. clay felt like he had been pulled away from the only place he had ever felt comfortable in. almost as though he was pulled out of his body and put into a new and entirely different life. it was anxiety inducing to say the least.
he felt like he was sick and had nothing to heal him. like he was dying with nothing to revive him. like he was heartbroken with no one to love.
all because he was multiple states away from juliana, his lifelong best friend. the one he counted on for everything, the one that counts on him for everything.
he didn't know why he felt so anxious and uncomfortable with such familiar people. but it was because he was so unfamiliar with the distance.
he felt so timid, fragile, and vulnerable without her. but when he was with her he felt like he could take in the world together, as twobestfriends.
he just wanted to go back home and be with her. i mean he grew up with her, why wouldn't he want to be with her? from being babies to neighbors to bestfriends to roommates, it was hard to be away from her.
he would walk a million miles if that meant he could stop this feeling and be with her. she was just with him a week ago and now it feels like they're in different timelines.
he just wanted to be strong again. not that he wasn't at all, he just wasn't right now, without her. all he needed was to be in the same room as her. they didn't even have to be hugging, just knowing she was there could be enough for him. but she wasn't there, and he hated it.
facetiming and messaging wasn't enough for him. especially because he wanted as much time with her as he could get because he was busy going places with family, but she was busy with jack.
juli and jack liking eachother isn't what hurt clay. the fact that he couldn't tell her how he felt because she was happy and he didn't want to ruin that, is what hurt him. he wanted juli's attention.
he just wished the world would have paused when he left and then resumed once he got back, so he can keep juli's attention. instead, every call he is on with juli is all about jack. not about how clay feels this overwhelming emotion of detachment from juli.
clay thought he only had separation anxiety from his family, not juli. by then he realized, every time he was away from his family and felt these emotions, he was away from juli too.
little did he know, juli felt the exact same way. but she only thought it was because clay and nick were gone. she was totally oblivious.
liv's note lets gooo two chapters in a row, i'm on a roll i have a 2nd acc if u wanna check that out :p
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