Sometimes I think that no matter what I do to try and spend some time with my siblings, I keep messing things up or I just don't know them well enough. Whenever I'm by myself I feel that it may be better than being with them. Most of the time what happens is that we get into an argument and they don't want to admit their mistake. They then think that they can boss me around and tell me what to do and when to do it. But whenever I'm by myself I feel free, I feel that no matter what I do I can do it without being judged. Sometimes I really want to be with them but then whenever I try to spend some time with them it's mostly through a device, and whenever it's through a device its mostly on a game, a game in which they mostly rage whenever they don't win the game or whenever they can't get things to go their way. But whenever you don't want to play the game with them, or don't want to be with them they start telling you every time the same word 'fake'.
Then whenever they are starting an argument with you but since you don't want to argue with them and you have other things to do and you start walking away from them, they will also tell you the same thing 'yea, run away from your problems, it's the only thing your good at'. I just don't think that they realize how much their words can hurt. I would always try to convince myself that those words meant nothing and that I was good at other things as well. Even with those tries I still couldn't help but think to myself that maybe, just maybe those words are quite the harsh truth. When I had first started to learn how to cook in the kitchen those words were quite accurate, but now after years of learning and tying my best to improve, I can say that it is safe to think that I am able to do at least something right.
Right now, as I'm here typing this all down, I can't help but to think back in the past years, of all the events that have happened in my life. Sometimes it's like even I don't know who I am yet I don't try to find out for myself as I'm afraid of what will follow with that...
