Saving Kai

1

Chapter 1

Kai's POV:

It's been 3 years since I've lost him; the boy who's smile would bring joy to my life and make the world seem so alive. The boy who masked his pain with that beautiful smile, and those precious dimples that would leave you admiring him. Who would've though that boy would be the reason as to why I feel so lost, unsure of who I'm supposed to be or what my purpose really is. I still feel his presence around me and I truly long for him.

Cairo.. the who ended his own life

Sometimes I question myself, did I fail him? Why didn't I notice anything or try to do anything that would prevent him from committing? It's as if a burden has been placed upon me and it's weighing me down to a point where it's difficult to breathe.

I loved Cairo, he meant the world to me and he still does despite him being gone. He always knew what to say and supported me through my worst times, pushing me to become a better and stronger version of myself. Maybe that's the reason I didn't notice...

I was so stuck in my own problems that I didn't see that he was suffering.. how selfish

These thoughts linger in my head. Maybe I should've been the one because I would do anything to bring him back even if that meant I would be here. Cairo could've been alive if I had given him more, maybe I wasn't enough. My thoughts are always clogged with the idea of how he must've felt in his last moments.

alone. all alone.

Despite three years have passed, the wound still feels fresh and painful. There's this emptiness in my heart which feels so overwhelming some days, even words tend to fall short when describing it. I'm starting to forget how he felt, his laughter, his voice; things like this feed my guilt and pain. How could I forget him?

I met Cairo for the first time when I moved to France with my family when I was 14. This was when he and I really started talking and it just hit off, he just knew how to make a girl feel special and loved. Cairo knew something and helped me deal with it despite anyone else knowing for a long time, which was my eating disorder.

Cairo kept an eye out for me all the time, it was only when my health started to get worse and my family found out. He explained to my family and how they should work through everything, his maturity was beyond me. I would have never believed that he would be gone before me. I should've been the one.

Who would've thought that being 16 would be the worst year of my life, the year where everything spiraled and everything came crashing down. The year that Cairo decided he wanted to leave, he didn't want to be with us anymore. I wish I knew what was going on in that fragile head of his which held his thoughts and emotions.

It was extremely difficult for me to eat after Cairo passed away, I just gave up. Going to school or anywhere in general just killed me, it was the type of torture that slowly killed you. Everywhere I would look, Cairo would be there. Him smiling at me, but the thing that hurt the most was that I couldn't return the same smile because he wasn't really there.

He's gone. Let him be. He needed to go..

I felt as if everyone blamed me, even though they hadn't said anything. I could feel it due to the way that they looked at me. Maybe I was the problem. He decided that I was too much, someone with too many problems to deal with so maybe that's why he ended it. If you can't get rid of the problem, just remove yourself from the problem.

After spending 3 more years in France after Cairo's death, I decided that I needed to leave. I decided to move to Italy since I'm currently 19, I've finished school and I plan on attending a university. I've received a scholarship due to my artwork which I'm truly proud of. I also decided on Italy due to my best friend, Esme Flores. We've known each other since we were younger and she's been through everything with me, she's the one who pushed me forward after Cairo passed.

Both of us plan on staying together since Esme is also attending the same university, but we decided to rent an apartment rather than housing. I was planning on majoring in art, while Esme was majoring in business. Which brings us to now, I'm currently on a plane to Italy and I can't help but feel the panic and anxiety setting in. Would I be able to do it without Cairo?

Would Cairo be upset for me leaving him?