Saving Kai

6

Chapter 6

Kai's POV:

Struggling to keep my sobs in and my breathing becoming constricted and blocked. All of the memories and pain just building up and killing physically and mentally. My mind playing constant games with me and becoming my worst enemy; one that kills you with words and ideas.

Why are you crying? You're the one who killed him..

Everyone is in pain because of you; his parents, friends, and family members because of you. Your sister was right.. YOU ARE A MURDERER AND DONT DESERVE HAPPINESS

Just end it like Cairo did; it will bring joy to everyone because you are a burden in this world..

Why won't anyone just leave me alone? Why can't I be like everyone? A girl with a normal life who can enjoy being out with her friends?

I truly am a burden. I deserve things that are worse than this. Maybe I should end it. At least I would be at peace and with Cairo. I would see his beautiful smile once again, the one that brought me joy.

I'm so miserable and alone.

I need someone.

I want someone to hold.

I want to be okay.

Why me?

My whole vision is blurry and I've lost understanding of my surrounding. My body hurts due to how much internal pain I'm in. The sobs won't stop and neither are my tears.

I feel a hand being placed on my shoulder that's slowly rubbing small circles on the area. I turn towards the person and see Esme looking at me with sympathy and I can see her heart being broken.

Due to how I am, she is losing her best friend. I feel bad that I can't be the way that I used to. Going through therapy, having a disorder, having small attacks at sudden moments, urges of self-harm; these things have destroyed me.

When I looked at her, my eyes filled with tears once again and I hugged her really tightly. I could feel her tears falling onto my shoulder which made me sob even harder. I just couldn't do it anymore. She was running her hands through my hair and rubbing my back.

"I can't do it anymore Esme," I sobbed.

"Kai, you can do it. I believe in you because you've come so far," Esme responded with her voice trembling. Struggling to diffuse the situation.

"I'm so tired and it hurts," I pulled away while looking at her with tears streaming down my face.

Esme held my hands and made me look at her. She was hurting too and I felt awful.

See. You only hurt those around you..

I pulled my hands away due to how much hurt I was facing. I understood how my problems were affecting those around me and how those problems were causing me to push them away. They probably had to carry my problems as well which stole their happiness and source of peace.

I brought my trembling hands to my face and wiped my tears. I already knew that my eyes were puffed up and red, my mascara probably running.