Regret | YoongixMalereader | ✔

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When I was a kid I heard of how you only appreciate the good things when they're gone. I never believed it, not until I lost the one I thought never would leave me. I loved the one person so much I forgot who I was before I made the mistakes. But the mistakes are done, and now it's too late. The only person who truly loved me was the one who's now gone from my life, where is something I don't know -  I just hope my loved one is happy and safe or is getting better... I just hope I one day will see my loved one again...

When I tell my friends that my loved one is gone they often ask me: "Why and where did he go?" Every time I'll break down in tears, remembering what happened. How he suffered for months and months just because of me. I can never tell them the full story, but every time I tell people the part where I made the mistake and got caught is when they look at me with pity. 

I can't tell anyone the full story, but one day I'll have to - people who hate me need to know how sorry I'm for hurting him until the point where he left me or us, the people he loved and loves to death. I still cry every day in what used to be our bed, holding his stuffed toy that he left behind... 

But I feel like I deserve to be punished, I made the mistake and hurt him so deeply that he was the one who held my pillow when I wasn't there to hug him or tell him that I love him so much. I sadly never got to tell him that, but if I'm honest at this very moment - I think he would've started to cry, either because of happiness or sadness I don't know. And maybe I don't want to know...

We were everything our souls ever wanted. But not everything lasts forever, not when you fuck up over and over again... But I've decided to tell someone the story of how he and I met, how we lived our life together for years, how I was the one who ruined everything and how I regret everything... How sorry I'm for making him leave me and us. 

How did we meet? Well, I was visiting my friends' tattoo shop, talking about how I wanted to get another tattoo. And as cliché, as it sounds, he walked in with his helmet under his arm and a warm smile on his lips. He looked like the devil's prince as he wore a full-on black outfit, white hair and a handsome smile, he was the handsome and nice version of the devil's prince. He was a dream to look at. My friend Jung Hoseok knew him it was his little brother Jung M/N. Such a beautiful name that suited M/N, the man I fell in love with over time.

At first, we were just friends, I had a girlfriend at the time who I never really saw - I suspected her of cheating behind my back, and sure she did cheat a few times but we never talked about it, it was easier to move on and not look back at her mistake. M/N and I would hang out every weekend if we could - if work or school wasn't a problem then they would've spent the whole weekend at each other's places.
And one day they found a place near M/N's university to live, it was easy to take the motorcycle back and forth. As for himself, it made his life no difference - his work as a bartender and owner of the bar was just near the new place. Everything was fine, even after M/N told me that he was in love with me. It made me happy to find out that my crush liked me back, it lasted for months even a few years after we moved in together. Everything was just fine, or just perfect for nothing to ruin it. 

Sadly, this was when things started to go downhill... Not only for me but for us, at first when I made the mistake M/N never caught me - but more and more time passed and soon words went around M/N university that I was seen with some girl around town. At first, M/N saw it as me helping a girl out because she was drunk, and she was. Too much, so much that her friend turned up - my ex-girlfriend Suran. The girl who hated me, but made me believe it was okay to sleep around.

Dear how I regret helping that girl out, if it wasn't for her then Suran wouldn't have shown up at the bar that night. Fuck that girl and Suran...

I'm so sorry M/N... I really am.