Regret | YoongixMalereader | ✔

| 4 |

I remember how I called out after him, no one answered. I came to our bedroom he wasn't there, I thought he went out to smoke, but he also wasn't there. He was in the bathroom, at first I thought he had fallen asleep in the tub because he was tired. But even he doesn't move in his sleep it still worried me, so when I opened the door I fell to my knees. He was underwater and he wasn't moving. I remember how broken and scared I was when I pulled him up from the tub, what if he was dead? What if... What if this was the last time I would get to hold him in my arms. I remember how I checked his breathing, heartbeat everything. Nothing, I remember how I cried as I gave him first aid, but even after 10 minutes, nothing came up. He was gone, and it was my fault... I called the ambulance and when they came they knew he was dead, I told them to try and see if they could do anything. But no, he was gone forever. 

It was so hard for me to call Hoseok and tell him that M/N had killed himself... Hoseok beat me up the same day M/N died, I said nothing - I felt that I deserved it. When Hoseok was about to leave me on the floor I told him: "I know that it's my fault, I know it's too late to do anything - but Hoseok I'm so sorry, I tried as much as I could... It just wasn't enough" He just looked at me before he left with his boyfriend, who looked at me with pity and then I was alone. I had cut off almost everyone but Hoseok and M/N. And when M/N was gone, I knew Hoseok wouldn't stay for long. I was alone. I got a call from the security that they were sorry for my loss, but they had something to show me. It was the clip from the day Suran came by for the last time. From the footage, you could hear what she said to M/N.

"Where is M/N?", "Work", "Ugh, he's never here when I'm here - idiot. Anyway, have you thought about what I said last time? Just to die and leave Yoongi alone? M/N, he never loved you - he's straight and will forever be straight. He never wanted you by his side, he despises you and your soul..." And so on, it shook me how Suran could be so ugly against M/N. She made him believe that I never loved him. She made him believe that he needed to die to make me happy. That she was everything I wanted, not him - how could she do that? I cried the moment I heard it.

I remember how I called Suran to meet up, and when she saw me at the park I started to yell at her. How ugly her persona was, that M/N had died because of her words, that she should be ashamed of herself, that I hoped she would rot in hell for driven the love of my life to death. But she only looked at me as I yelled and cried. People around us just looked at us, a few even recorded it and uploaded it on the internet. I just walked away with tears down my face. But that couldn't bring M/N back at all. He was still gone, forever and ever. 

I remember how the funeral was, M/N's friends and family were there. I sat at the front of the ceremony all alone by myself. Hoseok had told me not to sit with M/N's friends and family. They all hated me. I was told that I could see him one last time before they burned him. I opened the coffin and saw his tired and cold face, he looked so tired yet so beautiful. I cried for minutes and minutes until Hoseok told me that M/N had to go. I kisses him for the last time and tried not to break down again. When everyone saw how Hoseok pulled his small coffin on the glass shelf, I stood outside not wanting to see everyone's hated face when they looked at me. I couldn't take it, I stayed for hours after almost everyone was gone. The last one was who was left other than me, was Hoseok's boyfriend. He came up to me and said: "I know you regret and wanted to fix him, but now he's somewhere where he won't feel pain again... Hoseok knows how sorry you are for not saving him, and I know that he knows - that you regret and truly loved M/N" I felt how some sort weight fell off my shoulders, Hoseok knew that I was sorry and regretted everything.