Upside Down Mirror: A Grim Tale (Harry Potter Fanfic)

Black Madness

Guilt racked his brain.

Sirius didn't hear about the attempt on Regulus life right away, an attempt made right in the secure Azkaban cells.

For the second time in a year, Sirius almost lost Regulus; Regulus almost died. The joke he made regarding being the Grimm felt so cruel thinking back on it, yet Sirius also knew at the time he made the joke out of spite from Regulus becoming a Death Eater yet being so flippant when he turned himself in, he didn't know what else to do regarding the matter.

He felt torn, even as James and Lily married and other happy things happened in his life, including a year later becoming a godfather to their son. All of that felt too good to be true, particularly with the rumor of a traitor in The Order of the Phoenix floating about, what with how information regarding Regulus leaked so easily.

Somehow the papers learned that Regulus turned up that morning in the ministry, but someone knew he'd defected, not simply, as the newspapers and the people around him liked to say, "just wanting to be the youngest Death Eater ever". In the back of his mind, there were only a few people who knew the situation regarding Regulus, that he willingly turned himself in, yet he remembered how Regulus greeted him.

"Aren't you proud of me Sirius?"

Sirius found himself tempted to visit Regulus again, yet hearing of the attempt from James only made him feel even more guilty, if not realize that just how proud of Regulus he was, yet he couldn't face Regulus, not after having spat in his younger brother's face practically both times he attempted talking to him, yet there was the fear that the whole thing wouldn't go well.

After all, he remembered his parting words when he visited Regulus. "Fine! Be that way Regulus! See if I care! I see this was the biggest mistake I've ever made, coming to see you, trying too—I honestly don't know what I was doing."

"What I was doing was making the actual biggest mistake I ever made, but I felt the Dementors around us, wanting to take away the good memories even though that room held them at bay. I might have, just might have, unlike what I told father, being able to do something, even been there for Regulus to turn to when he went rogue, but he ended up—I don't know what he was trying to do, but I've left him to those Dementors."

Every day Sirius wracked his mind for who the traitor was, become even moodier with the passing time.

People also stared, whispering about how his younger brother was a Death Eater in Azkaban, the youngest one there. He hated how so many claimed Regulus was deserving of everything, being that he carried the Dark Mark, yet nobody even himself could list a single crime that Regulus committed, his only wrong being accepting the mark.

He hated, even more, the pity. "He's the one with the brother who didn't graduate because he was tossed into Azkaban, isn't he."

"Isn't he just like the rest of the Black family? I mean, didn't you hear that Sirius Black has a temper to rival that of Walburga Black?"

"True."

What shocked him though was one day when someone turned to him and said, "You know, it should have been you?"

"What?"

"The wrong Black brother ended up in Azkaban."

Sirius threw a punch at the newest Auror in training who honestly but that punch was the last straw before they kicked him from the training program. "I knew what he meant James."

"Sirius, calm down."

"Calm down?" Sirus ran his hands through his hair. "God, I know that I'm just like the rest of my family, that I have my mother's temper, that I can be cruel when I want to be. Regulus thought was never like any of us, but he's the last person anybody would have thought would become a Death Eater, running around killing and hurting people."

"Except he didn't hurt and kill people."

"How would you know? Has he told you in one of those meet-ups of yours?" Sirius pointed his finger at James. "I let him down, you know. I should have stayed, and he wouldn't have become a Death Eater. The old man was right when he said that. It's just as much my fault as theirs, but don't tell them I ever said that, that I admitted that."

"Sirius, calm down."

"I can't!" Sirius continued pacing. "I don't know who the traitor is, whose leaking information from the order, but I bet they're the ones who leaked information regarding the fact Regulus was there turning himself that morning to the papers and they were the one who made it clear that he defected rather than this whole being the youngest Death Eater."

Worse, there was this paranoia that it was something he let slip to the traitor, but the only two he'd talked to regarding Regulus were James and Remus. In his mind, he knew James would never, which only left Remus, who might have said something so he could fit in with the werewolves, which felt so cruel when they all supported him back in Hogwarts so he wasn't lonely.

Sirius didn't ask Remus to leave their shared apartment, knowing that he had nowhere to go, but when it came time for a secret keeper to be found. "Switch to Peter, but don't tell Dumbledore."

"You don't trust Dumbledore."

"That..." Sirius tilted his head. "I don't trust anybody, most particularly myself. I feel like I've caught the Black family madness, from letting one of my brothers down, but I won't let another down. Nobody would ever think of Peter. Nobody, James. Nobody would think of him, so he's the one who would be, should be the secret keeper instead of me. As such, you'll be safe. I'll be able to keep you safe like I can't keep Regulus safe."

If only he knew.