The light within -Snupin-

Chapter 1

Severus just made the biggest mistake ever. He lost his only and best friend by simply saying one word, one word had ruined it all. The one person who truly cared for Severus was ignoring him for the past week and she even refused to make eye contact with him. Lily Evans.

He tried to talk to her about it and he apologized a million times but she wouldn't forgive him. her exact last words Lily said to Severus were: 'Sev, I can't just forgive you for this. I'm sorry.'

Severus was alone now that he lost her. On top of the wound, James started dating Lily while he knew that Severus was head to toe over her. He never dared to say it out loud to her but it was very obvious to everyone, especially to the 'Marauders'. He hated that name and thought it was childish and they even had nicknames for each other.

How pathetic he snorted. James didn't deserve Lily's love and Black and Lupin didn't deserve her friendship either.

Don't even get him started about that moron named Pettigrew. They have never been nice to Severus so how could Lily do this to him?!

The cold breeze made Severus shiver but he still managed to hold his head up and embrace the cold. It was peaceful, it always was. He came here, up the Astronomy Tower, almost every day after curfew after the incident with Lily. Severus would just stare at the stars and the moon. Sometimes when it was full moon, he heard the werewolf and secretly deep down he hoped Lupin was going to be okay. It must be hard on him to be like that, Severus must admit. No, he shouldn't think about Lupin right now! He was his enemy even though mostly, Lupin didn't do anything but that was the problem: that he didn't do anything.

He didn't bully Severus like Potter and Black would but he did watch, watch him being humiliated in front of the whole bloody school.

Severus looked at the clear, black sky and it was beautiful like this. He always adored nighttime and even preferred it over daytime. It felt like all his worries disappeared into thin air and every single one of his responsibilities vanished with it as well. The pressure to keep his status and grades high. Severus needed to get the best grades he could possibly get even though it meant having no free time. Of course, he did enjoy it but it wasn't the way he wanted to study.

He wanted to prove his father wrong about being worthless and useless. That's why his father did the things he did to him, because the words Severus had been called were true. No matter how hard Severus tried to convince himself his father was wrong, the more he started to believe that it was true.

Nobody was here to rescue Severus now. Dumbledore may have been the closest thing to a father figure and he didn't want to let him down, but Severus was exhausted and drained. Dumbledore was the one who saved him last time when he tried to drown himself in the black lake.

Severus saw the hurt in Dumbledore's eyes when he was pulled out of the freezing lake and regretted his actions immediately. He had let him down and now, Dumbledore will see him as weak and that was the last thing Severus wanted: Pity. That's why he hid his secrets from everybody else. Severus didn't need a person to 'fix' him because he wasn't broken.

His hands leaned on the railing, supporting his body that was hanging half over it. Severus' eyes glanced down to see how high it exactly was because he didn't want to survive the fall. He could already imagine it:

Severus laying in a twisted position on the ground and unable to move. Waiting for someone to find him and when he was found, they just laughed at him. Laughing because he was a coward and even failed to commit suicide. Severus would lay still on the cold surface and incapable of protecting himself and getting out of the situation.

There was a small change for him to actually survive and Severus was hopeless right now. This had to do. Even if he did survive, he would just try to kill himself after he would be released out of the hospital wing. It didn't matter anymore. Nothing mattered.

Remus-

He was tossing and turning in his Gryffindor bed, trying to find a good position to fall asleep in. He groaned in frustration after about half an hour endlessly staring at the ceiling, now mesmerizing every single stripe the paint had made.

Remus had trouble sleeping for as long as he could remember. There were so many things in his mind the second his eyes closed. They were all hecticly running around in his head, digging up the smallest awkward conversations he had in his life. Some were actually a bit funny but not something Remus wanted to relive.

He peeked his head up, gazing at his best friends. Even though they were a bloody pain in the ass sometimes, he still loved them like family. Remus and Sirius were the closest with each other and that was something that didn't go unnoticed by the group. James teased them occasionally about what a great couple they would make. Remus wanted to punch James in his face when he crossed the line with teasing. Sirius rolled his eyes at him and ignored it, knowing they would and could never be more than best friends.

Sirius was straight and made that very pronounced. He couldn't even be bi-curious. Remus on the other hand, has struggled with his feelings towards people that weren't girls. Did he feel guilty about it? Yes he did.

Remus knew that his friends would approve it and it was more that he had problems with it himself. He always assumed that he would get married and have children, with his wife.

Peter snoring loudly was definitely not helping Remus get to sleep. His eyes landed on the Marauders map next to him. Remus' curiosity took over to see if anyone would still wander around the school at this time and he opened the map.

His eyebrows furrowed when he saw someone at the Astronomy tower. Remus wasn't really surprised to see Severus there. The map was placed on the nightstand next to him again but he couldn't stop wondering what Severus would do there at this hour.

He sighed and stressed about his enemy. It wasn't like he hated him. It was more that James, Sirius and Peter didn't like him and started bullying in their first year already. Naturally, Remus just went with it because after all they were his friends and it would be weird to do something about it even though he always felt guilty after they pulled another prank on the poor Severus. He must admit, Severus certainly wasn't the most handsome guy of the school and he may not have the rich life he had, but he didn't deserve this.

Everybody knew about Severus' home life. Well, not that Severus himself had spoken about it but there were thousands of rumours. Some people have seen his back or other parts of his body that sometimes slipped out of his robes.

They say he has an awful amount of scars everywhere. Some were consistent while others were all over the place. One of the bigger rumours was that he was doing himself harm but nobody bothered enough to actually ask if he was okay.

Remus was growing more tempted through the years to get to know Snape more. He was an interested and special human with his obsession for Dark Arts. He also had a lot of questions about why Severus acted the way he did, always sarcastic and sneering when someone tried to talk to him. Maybe it was a defense mechanism and something to keep people away from him.

Severus was positively not a social person. In fact, you could say he detested people and any sort of affection. He hated being the centre of attention, whether it would be good or bad attention didn't even matter.

Remus grabbed the map for the second time this night. His eyes found the Astronomy Tower and Severus was still standing there. Bloody hell, Remus worries increased by the second. He had to go there, now.

He slipped in a pair of warmer clothes and pulled his cloak over his shoulders, heading to the tower.