The light within -Snupin-

Chapter 13

A few hours spent in the library flew by and soon it was time for dinner already. Severus didn't actually study much and his mind kept drifting to Christmas. He was spending it in Hogwarts like every year which was quite nice. There weren't a lot of Slytherins left and the room would always be just for himself just like the library on most days. He saw it as a break from all the bullying and torture because of course, the Marauders would go home every year to spend Christmas with family. The people who did stay in the Hogwarts castle weren't that bad and didn't give Severus any unwanted attention. He secretly hoped that Remus would be spending it here but there was a 1% change for that to happen and maybe even less than that.

He gathered his books and stuffed it in his bag before making the trip to the Great Hall which he decided not to skip for one time. Severus usually didn't eat or sneaked something out of the kitchen but didn't have the energy to sneak it out which was probably because of the lack of food. While coming closer to the doors, the laughter and chatting became louder which he hated. He hated loud sounds in general and it didn't matter from whom they came, they were obnoxious and unpleasant.

Loud voices reminded him of his father and made him flinch when they would suddenly appear by someone. That's why he loved quietness so much.

He sat down next to Avery who was chatting with someone he didn't really properly know. Severus scanned the Gryffindor table when he felt eyes burning on his back and saw Remus directly staring at him before quickly turning his head to the food in front of him. He scooped some potatoes on his plate and some other random stuff that were in arm reach. He didn't exactly care what he put on his plate and started to pick at the with a fork, letting out a sigh.

Severus looked over at Avery still chatting to the same boy and wondered whether Avery already joined the Death Eaters. It was no secret to him that Mulciber and Avery wanted to join but didn't know if they already made their mind up. They were the closest people Severus could call 'friends' apart from Remus. He did regard Remus as a sort of friend now but wasn't sure what they were at the moment. Maybe Remus had a very different view over their friendship which he couldn't blame him for. Nobody wanted to willingly be friends with the greasy git.

Severus took out his pocket watch and decided to head to the Astronomy Tower early. He needed to escape this noise.

After being out of breath while climbing the stairs, he finally made it up the tower and looked at the sun already setting. It was winter so it was darker quicker than normal and it was another thing that he loved about winter. There were no stars in sight because they were covered by the thick, large clouds.

Severus sighed and sat down on the ground with his back against the cold, hard wall while shivering when it came in contact with his body. He took out the two cigarettes he slipped in his pockets when nobody was looking. It was hard to get it, especially here in Hogwarts but he got his connections with people. He placed the cigarette above his ear to save it for later and didn't want to forget about it while the other one was held between his lips. The muggle lighter came in contact with the tip before a flame came out and lit the cigarette. It was a nasty habit but it wasn't like he was addicted, it was something Severus sometimes did to calm down.

He inhaled the smoke and felt it burning in his lungs. The first time he did this was when he was a child and found some half used ones on the ground in the park. Severus had just escaped his father after he almost drowned him in the bath and his mother who told him to run as fast as he could. He knew when he got home, his mother would be in terrible condition and it pained him knowing he failed to protect her. Was he really such a coward to literally run away from his problems? Apparently he was. He didn't cough when inhaling the first puff he ever did. It wasn't as bad as people said it would be the first time.