The light within -Snupin-

Chapter 20

The days flew by rather quick and it was only one day before Yule Ball and Christmas break. Everyone was excited and the Christmas spirit was already there. There were tons of people who made a big gesture to ask their crush to the Ball except for Severus. He could not fool himself into believing that Remus would actually accept and he wouldn't just humiliate himself in front of the school.

Lupin was nice, attractive, his smile was the prettiest sight he ever saw, his eyes sparkled every time he talked about something he liked and he made Severus' heart skip a beat. It was weird to feel this way. It was not like him to want someone in that way and it was definitely against his fathers rules. Father did not approve of most things but the hate towards people liking the same gender was one of the biggest. Severus had nothing to worry about until now. He always kept his life private and never told his father anything but one time he caught him singing along with a song from Taylor Swift when he was at home and he was not pleased to hear him knowing the lyrics of that song, better said: he detested that his own son was even listening to that crap.
The result that evening were several marks on his back and silent sobs throughout the night in his room. His father kept repeating the same sentence over and over again: I did not raise a fag. You're a disgrace to the family!

Oh how glad Severus was when summer break would be over and it would be the first day back to Hogwarts. Of course, he constantly worried about his mother but not for long after she passed away. It broke Severus. Neither did it help when his father started blaming him for her death and the worst part was that he started to believe the words.

Holidays like there were never something to celebrate. It was a pathetic excuse to be lazy and take things for granted. When Remus admitted that he absolutely loved Christmas was confusing Severus. Why would anyone willingly want to spend more time with their family? No, Christmas just wasn't something for him. It wasn't made for people that grew up like him: Poor.

He shook his head and continued pushing his food around on his plate. This was the final day before classes would officially be over for another week or so and tomorrow evening would be the Yule Ball. The Great Hall was as joyful it could be. Somehow it made him feel more alone to see all those happy people around him. It made him wonder why he wasn't acting like them and why he couldn't seem to be happy like the humans around him. He sighed and supported his head on his left elbow, staring at nothing in particular. Severus had seen Remus walk in fifteen minutes ago with Lily, James, Sirius and Peter. Just the normal club and nothing special. He thought back about the gift the old woman gave him that day and was pondering whether to give it but decided that if there was a good moment, he would do it. He had to stop with the self loathing and pity. He may be a Slytherin but the Gryffindor courage wasn't something he was lacking, in most cases that is. There were some situations he cowered out and was too afraid but that was mostly with his father. There was likely a change to give Remus the present but it didn't matter because time would tell. There was no need to rush things. It still made him wonder why he cared for the Gryffindor boy so much. Was it simply because Remus showed the tiniest signs of affection that Severus craved or was it just because he was slowly losing his mind. There was no way this 'thing' going on between them was more than a joke to Remus right? Even though he stated clearly it wasn't, he had his doubts. Luckily he didn't have classes today except for Defence Against the Dark Arts and Herbology as yesterday. Of course, he did not forget he had skipped it and was not looking forward to the consequences.

Remus saw Severus stare at the blank void and wondered what was wrong. Probably nothing but he was not acting like his normal self even though he rarely behaved like those nights when they were alone. It was weird seeing him switch personality so fast, as if he did this his entire life. Remus couldn't deny that he did not adjust his own personality around his friends but never as extreme as Severus. He guessed it was to keep him safe, the same reason he did it. He wiped off his sweaty hands on his robes when his train of thought drifted off to the Yule Ball. His friends knew he hadn't found a date to go with yet and constantly kept nagging about it while Remus rolled his eyes at them, telling them to stop. He wanted to ask Severus but he clearly showed no interest in the holidays. Even though he knew Severus would reject him, he would try to get to know him more and make him trust Remus for his mission.
That was the only reason Remus wanted to go to the Yule Ball with Severus right? He wanted to prove himself to Dumbledore and show what he was capable of and that was the only reason why he enjoyed the Slytherins company. The present he bought him for Christmas was nothing more than something to earn his trust with.

Double potions were exhausting already. Especially when you just woke up and it's too early in the morning to even function properly. Sirius kept making jokes instead of focussing on the potion itself and it really hit something in Remus that almost made himself snap multiple times at Sirius' reckless behaviour around such dangerous ingredients.

He wished he was partnered with Lily. She learned a lot in the past few years after watching and listening to Severus so long. It made his stomach feel twisted when he thought about Severus and Lily being best friends with each other. He couldn't be jealous though. He refused to be jealous, he stated to himself.

'Sirius! Can you sit still for more than one bloody second,' Remus sneered after trying to concentrate on the chopping while Sirius almost knocked his knife on the floor.

'Ah! Sorry moons.' He rolled his eyes and started grinding the Occamy eggshell for Felix Felicis. It's a rather hard potion and needs constant attention but with Sirius next to him was making it quite a challenge. Remus added the eggshells and slowly stirred around in the cauldron. Maybe he could ask Severus as a tutor. He knew much easier ways to make potions because he saw his potions book. Almost every recipe had comments next to it and things that were angrily crossed out. Until now, the potion was looking decent and he mentally complimented himself for not fucking it up.

'It looks good mate.' Sirius smirked and gave a pat on Remus' back before winking at the staring girls almost across the classroom. Their giggles after the wink was hearable even at their side and Slughorn silenced them. Remus wiped his hands off of a towel and turned to face Sirius.

'Can you add the final ingredient? A sprinkle of powdered common rue,' he read from the advanced potions book. He nodded and Remus walked over to Slughorn to announce they were done. It wasn't until he hardly took two steps and Slughorn who was yelling at someone that he added too much to the potion until a loud explosion took place. Remus had little to no time to turn around to see what had happened but saw a glimpse of Sirius' shocked face. Everyone took cover, mostly under the tables and Remus pulled Sirius away from the danger just in time. The loud bang followed and they heard people screaming and some were even on the verge of crying.