Stray Kids Oneshot - Suffering

2

⚠️ANOREXIA⚠️

"Y/N! Food's ready!" Minho yelled from the other side of the door. I panicked, trying to clean up the mess.

Me: "Okay, I'll be down in a minute!"

I answered back, trying to hide the panic in my voice. I heard as he walked back to the kitchen. The floor was drenched in my blood. I picked up the bloody napkins and threw them into the trash can. I grabbed some fresh napkins and started wiping down the hardwood floor.

My thighs has stopped bleeding although some parts were still leaking a bit of blood. I got up and walked to my drawer. I searched around my shirts, looking for the bandage. I quickly found it, putting ointment on my wounds, then started wrapping my thigh.

Once it seemed like I covered every wound, I put my sweatpants back on and made my way downstairs. Their eyes fell on me, making me feel a bit embarrassed, but i noticed that Changbin looked...off. It was as if something was bothering him.

Me: "What?"

They all shook their head and went back to eating. I sat down in-between Seungmin and Felix. Bang Chan gave me my plate, staring at me. I gave him a weird look and looked down at my food. I was about to take a bite when I remembered something.

"Don't eat you fat pig. They'll hate you even more. Can't you see how fat you already are? You're going to get uglier than you already are. Imagine how much they'll judge you for being a fatass. You're already disgusting, just starve yourself."

I put down the spoon and pushed the plate away. They all turned their heads towards me, I just kept my head down, not wanting to make eye contact with anyone.

Me: "I'm not hungry."

I stood up and made my way towards my room, only to be pulled back by Bang Chan. He stopped for a second, looking at my wrist.

Bang Chan: "Can you please eat? You haven't eaten with us in so long and I haven't seen you eat in months. You've gone so skinny and so frail. Even your wrist is small."

Me: "I've been eating out lately, that's why I haven't been eating with you guys. I promise I'm doing fine."

Bang Chan: "Then why are you losing weight instead of gaining weight? You look so thin Y/N.."

Me: "I have a fast metabolism, theres nothing else I can tell you Chan. I'm fine."

I made him let go of me and I made my way to my bedroom, successfully making it to my destination this time. I wish I could break down and tell them everything that I've been going through for the past 6 years. I want to tell them how I feel and how many things I've been through but I'm too scared. I'm scared they'll see me as a freak and kick me out. I have no one other than them, I don't want to lose them.

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"Y/N?"

I heard a gentle voice say from my bedroom door. I quickly got up and opened the door to see Changbin standing there with puffy eyes. He immediately hugged me, I didn't hesitate to hug him back. I let him sob in my arms for a while, not moving from our spot. I know I'm his comfort person, and I'm proud of it. I'm glad I get to save him whenever I can.

"I can't take it anymore Y/N. Please help me before I do something I'll regret." Changbin choked out through his sobs. My heart broke, imagining what he would've done if I wasn't here. He hugged me tighter, making me feel so bad for him. I pulled away from the hug and pulled him inside my room, closing the door behind him. I held his hand, making my way to my bed again and sitting on it, Changbin following my steps.

Me: "Changbin-ah, I know things are hard right now, but I know you can make it through. I know you are strong. I'll be with you every step of the way. There's no need it be scared when I'm here. I believe that you can make it through because you are strong. You're one of the strongest people I've ever met. You're so amazing in so many different type of ways. I understand that you feel like you can't help it anymore, but I'm still here next to you. You're never alone. You still have the others. We are going to be here with you the whole time. You can hug me as tight as you want, as long as you feel safe in my embrace. We all go through things like this but one thing I can assure you about is that it will get better no matter what."

Changbin: "But what if it doesn-"

Me: "It will, as long as I'm here, everything will be okay. I will be here until the day I die. I won't ever leave you for anyone else. Just trust me, everything will get better, whether you like it or not. Things always get better. I'm proud of you for being here today, not many people make it this far. I'm proud of you for the simplest things that you do. We learn from our past. One day in the future, you're going to look back at yourself and be proud of the person you are because only you know what you've truly been through. Don't ever feel disappointed in yourself because others are proud of you. Please understand that Changbin."

Changbin: "Thank you so much, you're always helping me through everything."

He hugged me with a bruising grip but I didn't care, all I cared was about Changbin being okay. I hugged him back instantly, trying to comfort him in the best way I can.

Me: "I am so so proud of you for being here today and being who you truly are. Not everyone is as strong as you, some of them gave up easily, but you are still holding on, which is very pleasing to me. I'm never ever going to leave you, the others won't either. No one is leaving you, do you understand?"

He nodded, which made me smile a bit. He suddenly noticed a drop of blood on the floor, maybe I didn't clean all of it..

Changbin: "What's that?"

Me: "Oh, my nose was bleeding earlier.." I tried to hide the shakiness of my voice. He looked at me weirdly but nodded anyways.

Changbin: "Let's sleep, I'm tired." He suggested, which I happily agreed to. We laid down on my bed, cuddling like close friends. We've done this before, but we stopped because I was really insecure about my body and he was sleeping early. He suddenly felt the bandage through my sweatpants...

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Again, please do not feel like you are not worthy. The advice that Y/N gave is my advice, please take it. You are not alone. I love you guys ❤