Right Where You Left Me | s.r

12.

One week later and I still haven't returned Spencer's book because well he's been avoiding me.

And you know maybe he's just busy, he's back at work, but no I went to his apartment and saw him get into an elevator, I chased after him like an idiot saying, " hold the elevator." But he pretended like he didn't see me.

I've left calls and texts and I even waited for him at the library, which I'm aware is a literal stalker move.

So I'm doing the only logical thing left to do. I'm going to sit outside his apartment he gets home.

It was 5 pm, so I still had a couple of hours till he got home. In the meantime, I spent my time thinking about what I was going to say.

While I was in the middle of my very long speech that I'd prepared, I saw Spencer pull into his usual parking spot. I ducked at the sight of him getting out of his car, hoping he didn't notice my car.

I wait a couple of minutes until he's in his apartment, so he can't flee through the elevator like last time.

I grab the book and make my way into his building, I  take the stairs rather than the elevator, need to get my cardio in for the day.

Once I get to his door, I immediately regret doing this. I could mail it to him, right?

Fuck it.

I knock on the door aggressively, and patiently wait for him to open up.

He visually tenses at the sight of me, "Y/n what are you doing here?" I push past him and enter his apartment dropping his book on his coffee table.

"Yes come right in," he says sarcastically.

"You have been avoiding me for a week," I say crossing my arms.

"Well some of us have jobs y/n" he takes a step back from me.

"What's that supposed to mean?"

"It means that we just don't quit when things get tough"

"When things get tough? I was abducted and tortured, so forgive me if I don't want to be an agent" I mock, pulling up my shirt to expose the scars that ran down my stomach, causing him to grimace and look away.

"So tell me, what's the real reason, to why you've been avoiding me. Is it because of the kiss because if it is-"

"Have you ever considered that the reason I've been avoiding you is because I just don't want to talk to you?" He interrupted me.

I paused, my shoulders tensing up as my face flushes in embarrassment.

I actually never did consider that.

"Well news fucking flash Spencer, you tried to kiss me, so if you didn't want to kiss me, then you shouldn't have tried to"

"Of course I wanted to kiss you! But you pulled away not me!" He yelled, voice breaking.

"Well, what did you expect me to do, huh?!" I exclaimed. "From the moment I walked into the BAU, you've hated me and I don't even know why, I tried so  hard for you to like me, I even read that stupid fucking book, just so you could look in my direction!" I shot back.

"So if you think that taking care of me suddenly erases all the shitty things you've done to me, well I've got news for you buddy, IT DOESN'T"

"I didn't do it on purpose" Spencer protests, clenching his fists.

"Oh and that makes it better?!" I throw my hands wildly, "You need to seek help Spencer because something is not right up there!" I harshly tap my index finger against my temple.

"I need help?! You really are one to talk Y/n"

"What!?" My voice squeaks.

"You do things on a whim, you don't think Y/n. You're reckless and it's gonna get you killed one day"

"So let it," I say flatly, as I reach for the doorknob.

"Y/n wait-"

I drew a sharp breath, shaking my head"No, Reid I figured things would be different, that we could be friends, but I don't want to be your friend, I don't want to be your acquaintance, and since I no longer work at the BAU, it shouldn't be an issue for us to stay away from each other because obviously, we weren't good for each other."

"You shouldn't have come here Y/n," He says flatly.

"Yeah, I shouldn't have" I throw open the door and walk down the hallway towards the elevator.

"Yeah, just run away, like you always do!" He yells as peaks his head out of his apartment.

I blink my tears away, the walk to the elevator seemed endless.

My biggest mistake was thinking things would be different. This morning we were fine and now... well we're far from it.
-
When I get home I slam my door closed and start looking at it. I open every drawer, spilling out all the contents on the floor. Papers covering the floors. I rush upstairs and rummage through my dresser throwing all the clothes onto the bed in search of that little bottle.

After trashing my entire home, I find it in a little box. When I look at the bottles, a sob escapes from the back of my throat. My stomach tenses as I let out a guttural scream, my vision impaired from the tears that welled in my eyes, now flowing down my face.

Where did my life go so wrong that I got this point? I promised him that I would never take another pill in my life and I've kept my promise for 12 years.

Sure there've been times where I've had urges, but with everything that has happened recently, I think about it every day.

As much pain as that bottle has caused me, it's relieved me of so much more.

My hands were trembling, and the tears streaming down my face had blurred my vision. I unscrew the cap and two little pills with the letter "A," fall into my hand.

And for a moment I felt relief.

No more nightmares. No more Spencer. No more anything.