South Park Oneshots

Tired (Kyle Broflovski)

This fic includes subjects like r/pe, ab/se, toxic relationships, and su!c!de. Please be weary as you go. A second version of this is posted next, so read that for a sadder version I guess.

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Why do I love him?

That's a question I've been asking for a very, very long time. Years, even.

I shouldn't, yet I do. Maybe I don't, and loving him is just what he has led me to believe. I can't tell anymore. It's all a blur at this point, it's all numb.

As much as I'd love to get away from him, I can't. He always finds me, and then he gets even more aggressive and unruly than usual. I don't know what my punishment would be each time- it's always different- but it all hurts the same.

He could rape me for hours and listen to me cry, or he could scream and yell till I'm having a panic attack. And even when he sees my tears, he continues.

I think he likes it when I'm hurting.

At this point, I think he's abusing me, but I can't tell. Cartman is the only person I've ever been with, so how can I be sure this isn't how every relationship is? I mean, they tell me it isn't but who am I to believe them? I'm just a stupid Jew, right? I have no room to argue or fight back. If Cartman ever catches me out of line, he makes sure that I pay for it.

I'm tired.

I know if I close my eyes though, I'll be asleep, and cartman will get mad. It's always like this. I haven't slept in days. It feels like the only naps that I've gotten in are for ten or twenty minutes, and then I'm rudely awakened by being smacked in the back of the head.

My nose is broken and my lip is split. My eye is black and I'm littered with scars and bruises.

I only wanted to go hang out with Kenny and Stan, but I didn't ask permission, and he got mad.

I wanted to be with my best friends. Why was that a big deal?

"I'm sorry! I'm sorry!" I would plead to him, but he didn't listen. He would get mad whenever I said sorry for my actions.

I was a bad boy, and so I deserved what I got that night. 

It still hurts, bad. He didn't go easy on me whatsoever. I kept screaming for him to stop, or slow down, or anything really to stop the excruciating pain he was putting me through.

My jaw is sore.

My wrists hurt.

My back feels like it has been broken in half, and not in a good way either.

It hurts so much.

And I can't take it anymore.

Cartman has been gone for hours, to the bar I think. I couldn't really hear him over my crying.

He always thought I was annoying when I cried, haha. He told me to shut up, and threw a shoe at my head before leaving.

Ouch.

I had been laying in bed for hours and hours, trying to sleep while my love was gone. Trying to get in the sleep that I desperately needed, but I couldn't seem to.

Angry years stung at the corners of my eyes as I sat up, and moved quickly around the house.

I don't even remember what I was doing, exactly. It was all a huge blur to me. Maybe my brain wants to forget it, or maybe I really was asleep in bed, and that I was awake then trying to hear what Cartman was screaming at me.

I don't know any of the events that took place up to this moment, but now all I know is that I lay in a white room, an annoying beeping noise in my ears. Arms were wrapped around my thin, cold body, keeping me warm. I could feel the tickle of Kenny's parka on my neck. I could feel Stan squeezing my hand every now and again to make sure I didn't drift too far into my thoughts.

My best friends.

I could hear the screaming of Cartman in the waiting room outside of my hospital room. I heard the handcuffs click, and a voice faded into the distance.

I was free.

My chest didn't feel so tight anymore as I could feel the sweet relief knowing that cartman was gone, and I was with my best friends.

With the people who cared for me.

With the people who did actually love me.

With the people I truly loved.

I didn't love Cartman, it was all a part of his sick game to hurt me.

It felt like a punch to the face, after I realized it. Sitting there in that hospital bed with my friends and knowing that Cartman was gone for good, it was almost like I was brought from a horrible trance that I was stuck in for years.

Now though, I had Kenny and Stan. I know they love me, because they keep whispering it.

Finally, my emotions broke free, and I was sobbing into Kenny and Stan's arms. It was this rush of relief and it felt so nice.

Arms tightened around me, and I cried more. I hugged my friends with as much strength as I could muster with my weak arms from not eating properly in years.

I was finally free.

And with my best friends.