When All Fails

Chapter 9

I've been depressed for days now not knowing how to continue on. Now I just lay in bed alone. Kyla has gotten up to make what we call breakfast but I refuse to eat. I don't know if I will ever feel the same. He was like a life line and now he's dead. The main issue is my mom I don't know how she's gotten out of bed and carried on with "life". Her husband was killed right in front of her. Taken right from her arms and now he's dead.
"I just can't continue with my life" I've just kept thinking and thinking through my head for the last few day. How is this even a posable way of "life". It's been 3 days since he's died and every day that has gone by I've considered more and more killing myself. All I want is for him to come back.
Is been four days now and all kayla wants is to make me feel better so I found some condoms at the store and we did it again but it just wasn't the same. I just couldn't stop thinking about him. So I just laid in Kyla's arms and cried. I laid there for about 2 more days with kayla coming in frequently then I finally got out of bed. Walked right out the door and screamed. One robot saw me and came towards me and I just stood there it grabbed me and I tackled it and just kept punching it until my knuckles were painted red with blood. I grabbed some water and poured it on the the robot until it fizzled out and died.
I've thought about it for days now. But I just don't know how to make it clean fast and simple. Gunshot to the head, no ammo. Hanging my self, no rope. Tho only real way would be to stab my self or let the robots have me. I'm just not sure if I have enough courage to do it. Probably not.
I just lay in the shower floor with the door locked and cry with hopes that the rain from the shower will fall and this is all just a dream.
It's been 5 days I finally fell back asleep tonight hoping that I'll wake up with everything back to they way it was before but with kayla still at my side.