In These Arms [mxm]

Chapter 15 - Beauty in Misery

The wind and rain pelted heavily against windows until the overcast, but still light grey sky turned into a dark and ominous blue. Our position in his apartment overlooked hundreds of buildings and the lights that glowed through the settling mist. It was a solemn reminder about the time that had passed since there had only been a wall here, with three small windows to offer us very limited view. As long as I looked out this window and focused on the pellets of rain, then I didn't have to think of all the tradesmen coming in and out to repair the damages left behind.

There was an eventual break in the weather with a reported six hours before a storm ensued, so Chanyeol received a phone call for the window repairers to make use of this time. I stood out of the way but within view of the windows, watching men appear outside the windows in a strange industrial looking lift. They dried the windows and used a strange device to suction the first damaged window, while I also watched workers on the inside use an unfamiliar gel to fill the small chips on a different one.

Only a few gentle raindrops fell inside, but within a couple of hours, the windows were looking brand new once more. Chanyeol tended to the workers, and I resumed my place in front of them. It was amazing that in just a short frame of time, this place was able to return to its top condition like nothing had ever happened. It was a testament to the years that had passed. All that remained was the coffee table still upturned against the kitchen counter.

It was late noon when the removalists arrived. Chanyeol opened it and welcomed four men dressed in khaki overalls inside. One man stood back and observed while three others squatted and gripped three out of the four sides. The fourth corner was leaning against the kitchen counter, which was where we suspected there would be additional damage we could not yet see.

"Four, three, two, hah––" They each strained their arms, neck, and face muscles; gritting their teeth as they struggled to lift the table. As they pulled it away from the counter, the fourth side overpowered their strength and tipped back downwards, causing a drawer to open and its contents to spill onto the floor. The fourth man apologized profusely before picking up the fourth corner and helping them to guide it onto a flat trolley.

After Chanyeol saw the removalists out the door, he turned back to watch me approaching the familiar albums and trinkets that, I realized as my eyes fixed on them, looked untouched by time.

"Haneul, I..." His voice sent a rush of adrenaline and panic through me.

I bent down and scooped them up, clutching them tightly against my chest. "Don't do anything," I said, looking up to meet his eyes. "Even if you don't need these, I can just take care of them."

"Are you a cat?" Chanyeol asked, frowning, and clearly flustered by my territorial act. But I was so surprised to see that he had kept them after he'd made it so clear that barely anything remained. Already our mugs, the sweater I bought him, and now our photographs and other physical fragments of memories. Was he really as over me and our relationship as he tried to express?

"If you touch these then I will scratch," I said, picking them off the ground.

Chanyeol sighed and followed me to the couch as I sat down and opened them onto my lap. The first images were of us as small children, sitting on each of our mother's laps. Our fathers were in the shot, sitting down in the background drinking soju. An unfamiliar memory bubbled its way to the surface, causing discomfort in my chest as I felt my heartrate begin to quicken.

I closed my eyes and recalled the image of my estranged father looking down at me. He had aged to the point of being almost unrecognizable, but I could not mistake the man who looked at me with such glacial contempt. I didn't know where I was or how I got to be there, but I knew that I was away from the camp and my group. We had just spent three weeks setting up our camps and accustoming ourselves to the new environment, and it was only that short time frame since I'd last seen Chanyeol back at the base in Korea. I was confused. Why had I seen my father?