In These Arms [mxm]

Chapter 18 - Keep me warm

A/N: R18+ 

My friends, I have no skill nor experience w/ writing sexy time so pls forgive the potential tragedy that is to ensue. And thnx

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Maybe I reached a point of delirium as I sat on the floor in the dark, leaning against the window with my head rolled back to see the clouds. The more my head swayed, the more it felt like I was falling upwards into them. The world rocked gently beneath me, as if cradling a wee infant to help it sleep. But sleep was something that would not come easily.

Part of me wanted to leave. To walk out that door in front of me, to seek refuge with Jaemin and Jung-ho, or with dead itself, and to never look back. To put the past behind me just as it had put me far behind it. But it was my own choice to fight for Chanyeol. If I could not handle this heartache then how could I hope to win him back? How could I find the strength to fight for his love if I could not stick around for this much? It was so easy to think these thoughts and to believe myself as somebody strong, but the execution was something much different.

With a heavy heart, I sighed and closed my eyes, defeated.

Time passed so slowly, but eventually, the door clicked open and light from the corridor shone into the apartment. Chanyeol walked through the door, rubbing his forehead. Shadow was cast over his face where the light behind him could not reach, so I had no way to tell of his expression. Was he aggrieved? Was he satisfied? Would he climb into his bed without a care in the world?

He turned the lights on and appeared startled when he noticed me sitting here. I might have been all dried up by now, I could not readily tell.

"Haneul," he said, glancing around the living room with confusion. "What are you doing down there?"

"Falling," I answered, rolling my head back again. Falling into the deepest pits of despair. "Where were you?"

I watched through my peripheral as he clenched his jaw and avoided my eyes, but he said nothing. He closed the door and passed me towards his bedroom.

"Okay then," I muttered to myself.

A cold chill ran deep into my skin, which I did not feel was a result of being drenched with rain. I cuddled into myself and saw some of the red cardigan showing through, reminding me that this part of Chanyeol and our history enveloped me in warmth, reminding me of his deep-rooted love. The dark red material rekindled my desire for acceptance and set my heart on fire.

Taking a deep breath, I picked myself up and followed him to the bedroom. With only his bedside lamp on, Chanyeol stood in front of his mirror, dimly lit by a warm orange glow while he removed his tie. Closing the door which had let the living room cast light on his face, he was now cast in deep shadow. He looked down at me. Or rather, not at me but... my neck. His brows furrowed as his eyes set there, and he looked angry, which I could not tell whether it was aimed at me or himself. Self-consciously, I touched my neck and peered at him, waiting to meet his eyes again.

"What is on your mind?" I asked, touching his arm. His eyes slowly trailed back to mine and looked studiously at me, filling me with hope that he might share with me his thoughts.

"Forget it," he said, after a moment's hesitation.

It would do me no good to overthink things, so I moved his hands aside and proceeded to finish unbuttoning his shirt for him. He stared off to the side, still not meeting my eyes.

I pulled his shirt around his shoulders and admired the outline of his body through his thin white undershirt. The shadows from him lamp only seemed to accentuate each contour and feature. When he finished freeing his arms from the shirt, he tossed it on the floor while still avoiding my gaze. It was when I brought my arms to his chest and gently stroked on the tight thin material left remaining that he finally met my eye.