MIN LEELA// Stray Kids 9th Member

* Pain *

   (This was supposed to be Monday's post but oh well. Before we proceed, this scenario will have a trigger warning for suicidal thoughts, self harm, and abuse. If that triggers any of you, you can skip this scenario. This scenario was requested by Ninja_Akira I hope you will enjoy this! And I hope you all will too!)

   Torture. That's what Leela was going through. Pure torture. It was late at night and all the boys were asleep. Leela was sitting in the bathroom, muffling her cries and sobs with her hands and arms. This feeling that Leela was going through was so bad. She wouldn't wish this on anyone. Even on her worst enemy.

   Leela was diagnosed with depression and PTSD around "Awkward Silence" era. She never told her members until January 2019. It was hard on her mentally but she managed. However, she has never felt this horrible throughout the years she's been diagnosed. Leela sat on the closed toilet, crying. She hated this.

   While she sat there, she felt something coming. She stopped crying for a bit and opened her eyes, since they were closed before. She was still in the bathroom, only it was different. The bathroom looked an awful lot like the bathroom in her childhood home in Australia. Leela stood up and looked at the mirror. She was 10-years-old. She was having a PTSD flashback.

   10-year-old Leela had been sitting in the bathroom, crying after a beating she sustained from her abusive, alcoholic father. She desperately needed to get away. But she didn't know where. Leela stood up from the toilet and gazed at her bruises on her face in the mirror. Then, she heard someone banging on the door. Leela gasped and looked over. "OPEN THIS FUCKING DOOR LEELA!!!" Her dad screamed.

   "Oh no." Leela thought to herself. "I MEAN IT LEELA! OPEN THIS DOOR YOU FUCKING BITCH!" He screamed again. Leela didn't want to. She knew another beating would happen. Hojin, her father, had enough of waiting around for Leela to open the door. He quickly kicked open the door and rushed towards Leela.

   Leela fell to the floor and quickly covered her face with her arms and put her knees to her chest, cowering away from him. "FUCKING OPEN THE DOOR WHEN I TELL YOU!!! YOU FUCKING BITCH!" Hojin screamed as he shook Leela. He slapped her in the face. Leela couldn't scream anymore. All she could do was whimper.

   Leela opened her eyes quickly as the flashback subsided. She breathed heavily as more tears fell. She felt so grateful that this wasn't a flashback with screaming. She didn't want the boys waking up. She tucked her head in her knees and tried to calm down. She hated her PTSD so much. She hated her father for doing this to her. She hated herself for not being the perfect idol for her fans. She was way too damaged and couldn't be perfect like how people want her to be.

   "I can't fucking do this anymore. I'm fucking done!" Leela thought to herself. She opened the bathroom mirror and took out a razor blade that she had hidden from her members. She rolled up her sleeves. She had scars from before. She had them since 2017. She stopped after she debuted but unfortunately relapsed only a few months prior. Her members knew she used to self harm but didn't know she relapsed.

   She closed the mirror and took a deep breath and started slicing away. It hurt a lot but what choice did she have? She would rather deal with this unhealthy coping mechanism than dealing with the pain of her deteriorating mental health. Her eyes brimmed with tears as she stared at her wrists after she stopped cutting. She felt so bad for doing this. If her members found out what she was doing, they would never trust her again.

   Then, she heard a knock on the door. "FUCK!" She thought. "I'm in here!" Leela yelled, trying to make her voice sound normal. "Leela? Are you ok?" The voice on the other side of the door asked. Chan. "Uh, yeah! Yeah I'm fine!" Leela lied. Chan immediately knew something was wrong by the tone of Leela's voice. He knew she was trying to change her voice so he wouldn't know that she was crying. Chan turned the door knob, but found that it was locked.

   "Leela. Open the door." Chan said, growing nervous by the second. Leela was panicking. She couldn't let him see her like this. "No. I can't." Leela said, trying not to panic. She was pacing back and forth, thinking of what to do. "Leela please. Open the door." Chan said. This began reminding Leela of that flashback she had earlier. She was about to have a panic attack but didn't want to go through it alone. She quickly unlocked the door as she knelt down, trying to breathe.

   Chan immediately took action and closed the door, locking it before bending down to comfort her. He whispered encouraging words to Leela as the attack was subsiding. "It's ok little one. You got this." Chan whispered. Eventually, the attack subsided and Chan helped Leela stand, seating her on the edge of the tub. He noticed the blood in the sink and on the floor. "Baby, what did you do?" Chan asked, bending down in front of her. Leela cried, knowing she disappointed him. "I'm so sorry. I know you're disappointed." Leela cried. Chan gave her a small smile and wiped her tears with his thumb, putting her hair behind her ear.

   "Leela, you didn't disappoint me. It's ok. I'm here for you. Talk to me. What's wrong?" Chan asked. Leela began explaining everything from how bad her depression and PTSD were to the flashback she had and what lead her to relapse. Chan nodded as he listened. Once she was finished, Chan grabbed the first aid kit and helped her with her wrists. "Leela, please don't let this build up inside of you. If you need to talk about anything on your mind, I'll be right here. It doesn't matter if I'm busy or not. I will gladly stop whatever I'm doing to talk to you. I love you Leela. I always will." Chan said.

   Leela teared up after hearing those words. Chan was definitely one of the most amazing people in her life. He was the father that she wished she had. Someone who was loving and understanding. Chan was everything that she wanted in a father. "I love you too Papa. Thank you." Leela said. Chan looked up and smiled. "You haven't called me that in awhile." He said. Leela giggled a bit. Leela helped Chan clean the blood in the sink and on the floor. Once they were done, they left the bathroom.

   Chan hugged Leela and rubbed her back. He never wanted his maknae to suffer. "Remember, if you ever need to talk, I'm here." Chan whispered. Leela nodded against his chest. "I will." Leela said. Chan kissed the top of Leela's head. "Get some sleep ok love? Wake me if you feel anything." Chan said. Leela nodded. They eventually went to their respective rooms. Leela fell asleep that night, feeling extremely grateful that Chan was Stray Kids' leader. She wouldn't be able to survive without him.

   (So that was it guys! I hope you guys enjoyed that! This scenario was requested by Ninja_Akira I hope you liked it! Sorry if this scenario was triggering guys. Request things you'd like to see! See you on Monday)!