IXUS

Chapter 5

Chapter 5

It’s been a week now since we lost Anya and Rye and the others. I castigate myself almost all the time and its driving Sonja crazy. She keeps saying it won’t help and if I continue this, she’ll castigate me herself.

I honestly won’t mind but she’s a Halfling. She might kill me head on if she did and I don’t want to be dead that quick. I have to avenge the others first.

Sonja’s fast asleep beside me. I haven’t been able to get any sleep these past few days. I keep dreaming about Rye and it makes me sick with guilt. I’d rather stay awake and face reality rather than reliving that awful scene in my head where I keep failing him and everybody else over and over again.

I’m not really sure where we are but with the constant driving I’ve been doing, I think we’re near Portland. I’m still taking my advice up to know. Keep a low profile. We drive outside the roads.

We’ve ditched the jeep and I’m now driving a busted old pick up truck whose engine I had to revive back at Lake Oswego. Sonja’s not really doing any good to me. Every time I see her, she reminds me of Rye.

I filled the pick up truck with gas at least three hours ago. I’m pretty sure I have to refill it again in a few moments.

Sonja stirs then blinks her eyes open. She rubs her face and eyes and sits up straight. She looks at me then at the road ahead.

“Where’re we?” she asks sleepily. I frown at her. She looks like a mess. She looks like Vera more this way and I don’t want to go to another guilt trip session with myself. Her hair is sticking out in all the weird places and her eyes are bloodshot but still pale gray.

“I think we’re near Portland,” I answer her. She nods and I hear something rumbling. I turn to look at her and she looks paler than usual. I realize that she’s probably starving. “When was the last time you ate?”

She shrugs. “Answer me!” I hiss and she looks down at her knotted fingers.

“Back atLake Oswego,” she murmurs and I roll my eyes at her. No wonder she’s hungry. I park the car to the side and got out. I grab the bags full of food in the backseat and throw it at her. Then I went to the back of the truck and picked up cans full of gas to fill the truck.

I see from the outside that Sonja’s eating some canned sardines and I sigh. When I finish filling up the tank of the truck, I get back in and she looks better. I give her a tight smile that looks forced. Well, it is.

We drove for one more hour in silence until Sonja decides to break it. She clears her throat and turns to look at me.

“So, can you tell me about Vera?” she asks. I still at the mere mention of her name coming out of her mouth. She must have sensed my discomfort because she continues. “Only because I’ve heard everybody else’s point of view towards her and I just want yours. Rye said you knew her better than anyone.”

I smile a little bit knowing that Rye said that to Sonja. I take a deep breath before replying to her.

“Vera’s the most wonderful person in the whole world. Heck, any world to be honest,” I say. “She’s really beautiful, smart and creative. I love her gift of hyperbole a lot too. I learned to be sarcastic because of her. Her smartmouth never ceases to amaze me. Or anybody for that matter. When she enters a room, everybody stops what they’re doing and just focus on her…”

I stop. I can’t continue on. If I do, I might cry and I don’t cry. The last time I cried was years ago. I have to man up now.

“She’s really special to you, isn’t she?” Sonja says quietly and softly. I close my eyes briefly and nod. “Does it bother you that much that I look like her?” I nod again. She sighs. “I’m really sorry about everything.”