Random Thoughts

May 3,2021-OS

GRAMMATICAL ERRORS AHEAD

I pushed myself away because I knew I was falling for you and I was scared of getting hurt

I pushed myself away because I know that you like someone else.

I played some music while I roam around the village. Trying my best to forget about you and to keep entertained on other things.

Did we both fell in love

Before we were ready?

Or did we both give up

I don't know, I don't know, all I know

Is that now I'm alone

Were we both too scared?

Or were we well- prepared?

For the future and all

The mistakes that it bears

I don't know, I don't know, all I know

Is that now I'm alone

Yeah, these are questions in my head

Answers I won't get

Thoughts I never said

That I kinda wish I did

But sadly, I think my playlist is literally playing with me and played this one and only song that I wished I never knew. I can really relate to this song which makes it sometimes frustrating especially these times.

I guess sometimes you find the one

But the timing's off

The place is wrong

Maybe we would be closer

If we were a couple years older

I guess sometimes you fall in love

Then one day feels life you wake up

And everything's over

Without any closure

Did we both think that this

Was the best that we found?

Or were we too afraid

To have no one around?

I don't know, I don't know-

I groaned. I had enough of that song.

I stopped by on a park and sat at one of the benches

A few minutes later a girl approaches me

"Hey! You okay man? You look like you're so deep in your thoughts to the point I can dive into it HAHHAHA" she said. She seems to be the jolly type of person.

"Kidding. Anyways, mind sharing your thoughts to me?" she asked

My faces crumpled and I looked at her. I didn't realized that she sat next to me with a small smile in her face. In this angle I can really have a closer look on her. She has a blond colored hair, fair skin, and beautiful ash gray eyes.

"Hey?" she looked at me confused. I think I looked at her too long.

I fake coughed. "A-amm why would I? I don't even know you." I said looking away embarrassed.

"I actually don't even know" she said with a forced laughter. "but don't you think it will be better to say it to me than to no one? Atlis you were able to share the pain with someone"

"That's the point. I don't want to share the pain with someone. I would rather let it kill me than to share it with someone else. I don't want to be a problem to them." I said. Again, flashbacks started flashing through my mind.

"But wouldn't it also be a problem to them if you didn't tell them about your problem? Think about it, they will be worried to you AF and they might also start questioning your friendship." She said. I returned my gaze to her I saw her looking straight from afar. There is a small smile on her face. A smile full of sadness.

"What? No way!" I laughed. But I think that laugh sounded so bitterly.

"Oh yea? How sure are you?" she asked.

"100% sure." I answer with a fake smile.

You know what? I think I can't handle this shit anymore. Maybe sharing it to her would do? But what if... nahh who cares. Stop overthinking self.

"She was my best friend and practically my only friend... we were friends since we were in kindergarten. Then in grade school, having crushes is really popular. So every time somebody would ask who my crush is? I would always answer her name as a joke because of that, people would always ship us. Then when we were in highschool... damn I think it's not a joke anymore. Starting from that day, my feeling for her got deeper...and deeper... to the point that I can't just ignore those feelings." I told her. My vision became a blurr as tears started running.

She remained silent.

"A few days after we graduated highschool, I confessed. She think that our feelings were mutual. But you know what hurts the most? She also said that she need to study abroad for college. So 'that' feelings should be forgotten because it will only lead us to nothing." I smiled bitterly.

"So yea, I am pretty sure that no one will be worried to me or even 'overthink' our friendship" I forced laughed

I looked at her. I was kinda surprised that there was a tear on her face. She looks like she is trying not to cry. I laughed, this time not it's not a forced or even a fake laugh. It was genuine. Her face was really funny.

"Hey! Your story was sad okay! Don't laugh at me like that!" she said and pouted.

Cute.

Wait what- I mean- not that- wtf self.

"What about you? When you said those lines, it's as if that happened to you." I asked her. It's my turn to question her now.

"Amm... yea haha" she laughed. But just like mine a while ago when I was telling her about my past, it turned out forced.

"Just like your's, they were my friends. That time, my parents was about to get divorced. And just like you, I don't want to share that pain with other people to. I don't like it when people are worried about me. They have their own problems, I don't want to add up. So I kept my problem. Weeks have passed and they just started questioning our friendship. Why? Well, I think I just don't really have much time to spend for them. I mostly waste my time breaking down. There are times that I tried to go with them at the mall but ended up ditching them because of my mom and dad. Again, a few weeks passed. This time, they noticed that I have a problem. So they asked is or are my problem or problems. And I just answered what you answered when I asked you that. They asked what are our friendship for if I cant open up my problems to them. I just don't want to. Our argument lasted for almost an hour and it ended when I asked them to end our friendship. I don't want to add up to their problem so this is my one and only choice. And then boom. Here I am." she's crying now.

I felt sad for her. For us. We are both alone. With no one to lean on because we were to afraid to be a burden to others, the reason why they left us.

Names and events are all work of fiction. Walang totoo sa lahat ng toh.