a book of thoughts

Falling

I was always on my own
In my own corner
In a world of books and fantasy
Floating from group to group
Using the phrase best friend
But I never knew the meaning

Until I met you
Until you came in my life like a hurricane
Overnight you shook my whole world apart

We spent our days together
Laughing and smiling
Your amazing smile
And beautiful lips
Pulled me in
Your eyes sparkling
Those honey pools
Shining bright

I thought I finally knew
What 'best friends' meant
I tried to convince myself

Your love for music
And the way you danced
Fantasized me

The way you lit up my world
The way you hung on me
Your hugs warmed my heart
Not only sending butterflies in my stomach
But sending them through my whole being

I loved your touch
Your voice
Your "don't give a fuck" attitude
And your laid back skater style
I love everything about you

I tried to convince myself
That you were just my friend
Nothing more nothing less

But I failed miserably
I fell for you

You stole my heart
And trapped it in a cage
Without even trying
Without even knowing

I fell hard and fast
Your whole being pulled me in

I wish I could tell you how I feel
But I can't
I'm scared you'll throw me away

My insides curl up
When you tell me about your crushes

The person a few months ago
And now the person you barely know
And lots of others in between
I nod, give advice and smile
And pretend that I'm happy
As I die inside

I know I should give up
I know I should stop falling for you

But I can't
I wish I could

I fell for you completely and utterly
You tear me apart every time

I wish I could hold you
I wish I could kiss you
I wish I could tell you

But it's only wishes
It's only hope
It's only a fantasy

So I nod
I smile
I tell myself we're just friends
You're. just. my. friend

I tell myself that every day
As my heart tears apart
As I fall
And fall
And fall
Even more everyday

But I fall for you gladly
Though you tear me apart
You have opened up a world to me
To which I never could've imagined

I've been falling for you from the beginning