I Need Someone to Save Me

Chapter 4

After a while of sitting with Barry's arms wrapped around his torso, Oliver was playing with the other mans hair when he heard a small sigh. He looked down to see Barry frowning at the ground. Oliver decided he should probably say something, " Hey Bear." Nothing. Silence. Barry didn't even move, he just lay there arms clutching Oliver and frowning.

Suddenly Barry spoke up, "Hey Ollie..." He took a moment to readjust so that he was sitting facing Oliver. But out of reach, knees pulled to his chest, arms wrapped around them. "I know what you're thinking..." He trailed off quietly.

"And what am I thinking bear?"

"I know you're thinking something along the lines of 'is Barry suicidal or something' or worse you're just pitying me... but I'm not." Barry's arms visibly tightened around his legs. Oliver wanted to reach out to him and hold him, but he knew he didn't want to be touched. "Ollie I'm not suicidal."

"Then what's happening Barry, I- I don't understand"

"How do I explain this?" Barry mumbles under his breath. "It's like... I know that you and everyone else care for me—don't get me wrong, I know you guys do— I try so hard to feel anything in return, and I did. I felt all the love and joy for you guys when I first got my powers and saving people. But since the singularity Oliver. It's like, it's like the void is taken over again. I can only care enough to hide the pain and emptiness behind smiles. I can only keep those smiles, because I cut. Cutting let's me think, it lets me breathe. It lets me feel something!"
Curling further in on himself, Barry takes a deep breath. "I was fine before the team got back together. I was rebuilding the city at night and that took my mind off everything. Before I knew what was happening the city was rebuilt and the team was forcing me let them help to save the city again. I couldn't ruin their happiness at being back together again, so I hid behind the smile and that very night I went home and sliced my arm up."

Oliver stared at Barry, tears streaming down his face. Is this really how Barry felt? Oliver scooted a bit closer to Barry. "Hey bear?"

"Yea?"

Oliver took a deep breath, "I'm not going to pretend I understand what you're going through, but Barry, you've gotta let people in. It's not healthy to go home every night and hurt yourself. How do you think everyone would feel if they knew you were hurting yourself." When he looked to Barry and saw him looking at him through his fingers, Oliver decided something, "Barry I wanna help you get better. Let me help you? Please?"

"Oliver—" Barry started, before he flung himself back into Oliver's arms. Engulfed in Oliver's embrace, Barry sobbed. "Ollie please help me. I don't want to feel like this anymore. I don't, I can't, please Ollie, I just, I just want to feel something other than pain and nothing." Barry sobbed broken lily into Oliver's chest.

Oliver tightened his hold on the speedster in his arms and whispered into his ear, "Don't worry bear, I got you."