kalon l.s

4

                           HARRY' POV

i walk in my living room over to the white table topped surface in the hallway to set down the five letters she had sent me.

i went to the mail box before coming up to my flat, and she sent three of them in one day. she does this all the time. when she needs money or her guilt eats her alive.

moving from the table and hallway into the living room i sit on the coach laying my head against the wall to calm myself down before i force myself to check the home phone sitting beside me.

it's been three years and she still won't leave me alone. it's not like she cares about me, it's all about her self and her conscience. i would've already forgiven her if i knew it was about me not the other way around.

but i knew it would never be like that. it never has. now, naturally i avoid her. i have the right. but this is getting to the point where its border line harassment.

i don't want to get a restraining order because i feel like that feeding into her. she's love the attention. thats what she lives for.

i will get one if it gets too far though. it hasn't yet but it is bound to happen. i know it is a bad idea to wait and all but i just want to avoid my problems. it's always worked.

she is the reason i went to nialls yesterday. i desperately needed a break. she has my home number and address. i would change the number but she always finds it. and i don't have enough money to move.

thank god she doesn't have my mobile number anymore. surprised she hasn't gotten that yet. her friends help her get my number some how. she never comes to my house anymore. the last time i called the cops and she was in there for a few days.

finally i work up the courage to check my missed calls and maybe even voice mails. i turn my head to right to see the white home phone sitting there peacefully.

moving my hand to the phone and turning it on i see i have ten missed calls. usually around twenty. and three voicemails.

i delete them immediately i don't want to hear her voice again.

i stare at the phone for what feels like forever. a sense of guilt and dread runs through my blood.

maybe i should call her back? what if she's changed ? could i finally go back? we could be perfect and happy like we always wanted.

shaking that out of my head quickly. that could never happen. as much as i wish and pray it will never be unicorns and rainbows.

but she's trying.

for herself.

i push all the reluctance out of my head and move to go to the kitchen. seeing the letters from last week she sent. they said she missed me and would love to see me again. liar.

pushing those thoughts out of my head i grab a bag of chips and head back to the front table again to grab the bills i saw.

opening up my first one - rent - it's the regular 500 pounds. fuck.

the next one is my water bill. i have been taking a lot of showers lately and this one is making me really anxious.

300.