kalon l.s

17

LOUIS' POV
ily.
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VOTE !

TRIGGER WARNING !! TALK OF ALCOHOL ABUSE ! MILD DEPRESSIVE THOUGHTS!

IF YOU EVER NEED SOMEONE TO TALK TO MY DMS ARE OPENED !
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the last few hours have been ... dreadful. my heart has been in my stomach since last night.

i know we aren't dating, we aren't committed, but it still stings none the less. watching him kiss someone like he kissed me. in my own home. ouch.

i knew i had to protect myself. so, i'll continue to do so even though, i want it just a little bit of his heart. i have to be strong, and protect myself.

i cant mope around and feel bad about myself, there is no point. he doesn't care about me, he doesn't give a shit what i do. so i won't give a shot what he does.

my only problem is the endless pit of a sad pain in my chest to my stomach. an emptiness to some extent.

i didn't know i could become this attached after only two, almost three months. although that's how it always is. it was like that with him, now with harry. they also both ended in heartbreak.

so fuck harry.

i don't blame diana at all, i don't even blame harry. diana didn't know we fucked, she didn't do anything wrong. it just hurts, especially that i liked her too.

i cant even say anything to either of them. i cant be mad at harry, i said nasty things to him. hell he should be sleeping with other people, should be forgetting about me.

so i'll forget about him, i'll act like i don't care about him. i'll grow up, i'll get over it. i've lived without him before, i've lived with hating him before. i can do it again.

so getting out of bed to take a shower, is sort of hard.

that hurts even more, knowing he is effecting me this much is beyond frustrating.

he effects me so much, when i get in the shower i just sit and stare at the water droplets and moisture on the walls falls back into the tub to pull themselves in a puddle.

i cant even cry. it's just, a dreadful feeling.

he effects me so much, i tip my head back and let the water run down my face and body for far to long. until my neck aches and my skin is red and irritated.

he effects me so much, when i make my tea i don't hear the kettle go off causing niall to slap me in the head saying, "hey, dick head it's finished."

he effects me so much, that when niall starts to talk to me i can't even listen properly. i sit there and stare off, mind wondering to him and her. to him next to me. to never feeling him again, resulting in niall snapping his fingers saying, "what's with you, mate?" i just shrugged him off and went to my bed room.

the hollow feelings throughout my body, its starting to slowly disappear and form into anger.

from being mad at myself. i knew this would happen. i knew this wouldn't be a fairy tale with a happy ending. i knew if i slept with him it would not end well.