Glitch of the Heart

Chapter Four - Pent-Up

I woke up on Rimmer's bunk later that day, wondering what had happened.

My head was pounding, and my throat was dry. I noticed someone rush over, and a moment later, Rimmer knelt next to me, smiling softly. "I'm sorry... I think I took too much blood..." he explained sheepishly. "I was worried you'd swayed when you stood up, and you just looked so pale, and I didn't think I could help it. I'm sorry!"

"It's fine." I told him, smiling. "I passed out then?" I chuckled, pushing myself up slowly. I could tell he wanted to help, but couldn't.
He nodded a little, looking guilty and angry about something.
"What's wrong...?" I asked softly, placing my hand where his would be if I could touch him, feeling the usual pins and needles feeling.

He shook his head softly, refusing to look me in the eyes. "I couldn't catch you. When you fell, I tried, but I couldn't catch you. Because I'm a hologram..." he stood up, turning away and clenching his fists, he sounded so dejected, so angry at himself...
I didn't know what to say, he hardly ever talked about how he felt, being unable to touch anything being a hologram.

"I'm so sorry, Rimmer." I told him, reaching out my hand again, but he ignored it and turned to leave the room. I stared after him, confused. "Arnold... Please..." I called out.
He stopped walking, staying in the doorway for a moment.
I pushed on. "It's not your fault, ok? You got me help and brought me here to rest, you did what you could-"

"I should be able to do more!" He suddenly turned, I swear I could see tears in his eyes. I didn't know holograms could cry... "I could only call out, hope someone heard me... I didn't... I didn't want to leave you..." He admitted softly. "I couldn't DO ANYTHING!" he turned, throwing his chair across the room. It smashed into several pieces, the empty frame rolling into the corner.
"It's OK." I told him, trying to make him feel better. I'd never seen him so angry before.
We watched each other for a moment, neither of us sure what to say as he broke eye contact every other second.

Lister wandered into the room a moment later, looking at the smashed up chair and looking at Rimmer, who was staring a hole into the floor, still clenching and unclenching his hands. "What happened?"
"Rimmer, why didn't you want to tell us?" I stood up, walking over to him.

He turned, staring at me for a long moment. "I didn't want to seem weak..." he whispered softly, before shaking his head and walking out of the room, the door closing behind him.
Me and Lister exchanged a look. "What was that about?" He asked me, confused.
"I didn't know he found it so difficult, being a hologram..." I shook my head, looking at the door he'd just left through.

"He's just being Rimmer." Lister shrugged. I frowned at him, seeing him so unawares as to how Rimmer actually felt about the whole reality of his existence.
We both shook our heads, and left the room, heading to the kitchen to discuss what to do to entertain ourselves next. We were constantly coming up with new ways to find fun on the Dwarf, it helped keep us sane.