you are not that different

I wrote at the beginning of the book that I would try to explain what a diaper fetish is. And the answer is very simple: it is sexuality. It's not just sex, it's all sexuality. I am attracted to diapers, I want to spend time with them, I want to look at them because I find them unspeakably beautiful. Not every one, there are many different ones, just as there are different tastes. I think about them a lot and daydream about them. I want to feel them, touch them, caress them gently or hold them tightly. I love to photograph them and read stories about them. And when I've had them around for quite a while, it feels good to do without them sometimes. But the longer I have to do without them, the more intense I feel the affection, which can then build up to lust. And yes, of course I also want to have sex with them.

It's all very much like my love for women I'm attracted to, who I like to look at, not every one, there are different tastes after all. I like to think about them and love high quality nude photographs. I like to touch them, I like to feel them and, yes, I also like to have sex with them.

If you want to understand how it feels to love diapers, ask yourself how it feels to desire another human being. And how many shades there are there alone. And again, I don't just mean the different positions and preferences in bed. But the relationship with other people in general. Some people just want to do a quick number, a one-night stand, without a deeper relationship. But for others, the relationship is so important that they can't imagine having sex without it. And sometimes, maybe even most of the time, it changes with time and one and the same person wants sometimes this and sometimes that.

And then it's not so hard to resolve the difference between a person and an object as the target of the sex drive, because I, for one, long to be able to love not just the diapers, I'm not fixated on the object alone, but long to be able to share those feelings with someone. With someone I can communicate with. This is probably how most people feel. Are there people who are exclusively fixated on diapers or another object? Of course there are. There are also people who are addicted to sex, so much so that the person they have sex with becomes so unimportant to them that they turn him into a mere sexual object.

Doesn't it sound quite logical, once you think about it, that before we can ask questions about specific deviations from a norm, we should first understand the norm itself? In looking for answers to questions for a diaper fetishist, are we perhaps looking at the very wrong place?

If we want to understand what a fetishist feels for his fetish, then we have to leave the visible level of externals, then we have to ask in general what sexual feelings are and accept that they can be directed to different things. Then diapers, leather, latex, feet, vaginas, breasts and penises are simply a list of different things, but for which we can all have the same feelings, which can all be at the center of our sexuality. Then the commonalities come back into focus rather than the external differences.

Then we realize that the so-called normality, in which people press their lips together and put their tongues in each other's mouths, in which, objectively speaking, rather ugly-looking body parts like a penis and a vagina are desired by us, in which we consider it pleasurable and desirable to lick the body parts we normally use when we go to the toilet, is already decidedly weird and we have no idea at all where these quite wonderful feelings actually come from.

And this is exactly how sexuality should be lived: Unquestioned, mindless, but peaceful and with heart and soul.

My answer is thus perhaps unsatisfactory, because I can offer you nothing more than a mirror in which every question is thrown back at you:

Why do diapers excite you? Why does a penis or a vagina excite you?
How did you get that way? How did you get that way?
How does that feel to you, exactly? How exactly does it feel to you?
What exactly do you do with diapers? What exactly do you do?

I'm fifty years old now, and for as long as I can remember, I've loved diapers just like I love women. I didn't choose either one, and I can't do without either one. But my affection for diapers, and with it all that lies behind this seemingly insignificant word, I have suppressed to this day and only allow myself to live a little of it in controlled very small doses. It is very exhausting and probably even unhealthy.

It has at least enabled me to question sexuality and not take it for granted. What trick does nature use to make us hot for each other and why can this mechanism get lost now and then in the search for a target? Because biologically it is completely nonsensical that there are other combinations than the one between man and woman. And nevertheless they exist. And they are all quite wonderful.

I love diapers and you are not so different from me.