Be There Still [ ON-GOING ]

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D E M I E L L E

“THANK God that you are completely fine.” Napahilamos si Miss Cruz malapit sa bintanang kinatatayuan niya. Agad naman niyang binuksan ang mga kurtina, kinailangan ‘ata ng preskong hangin. It was our session again to her this day of the month at kasama ko si Mama na nasa tabi ko, nakaupo. “Grabe ang pag-aalala namin sa’yo.” I have no choice but to smile awkwardly. Ganito pala mag-alala ang isang Miss Cruz.

“Mabuti na nga lang ho at may pumunta para sa kanya dito,” singit ni Mama. Hanggang ngayon ay hindi niya pa rin alam ang tungkol kay Levi.

“How were you feeling these past weeks? Was it good?” The therapist asked. I nodded.

“I had attacks pero less than the usual naman po.” I continued to utter na ikinawala naman ng mga lukot sa noo niya, a sign of relief kumbaga.

“Okay. We had a seminar last week, from therapists all over the region. We were educated by some professionals in the medical field from Canada, but that wasn’t enough to…” she stopped for a while. “…know the cause of your illness, I’m sorry.” She said that made my Mom looked down na ikinalungkot ko nang bahagya. “But don’t worry, we’re finalizing the request for conducting the research laboratory tests through them para umusad ang progress natin. I do hope that this request would be the answers for the questions we’re struggling to give solution.”

Naupo naman ito sa swivel chair niya at may kinalakal sa drawer nito. “Medications for this month.” Inabot niya ang Benzodiazepine sa akin at ang record document kay Mama.

Wait…

Oh God, wait!

And then I realized, that was the document where the names are filled-up to make sure that no records are missing. It means that… Levi’s name was written in there since he bought the beta-blockers for me a long time ago.

Patay.

“Not to mention but, the boy, who got your beta-blockers in here, who is he? Boyfriend mo?” Miss Cruz spoked that made me clenched my jaw and bite my mouth. God, I can’t believe that she can be a therapist and a homewrecker in one second.

Not to mention, napahinto si Mama sa pagf-fill up ng document. She flipped the page backward and saw the past records. From that moment, she saw it already. I shivered in fear when I saw her brows went up, her smile shut off and her eyes went sharp.

What will I do now?

“Kaibigan ko lang po ‘yon…” pagpuputol ko na ikinatango naman ng ulo ni Miss Cruz. Pinilit kong ngumiti kahit ramdam ko na ang posibilidad na baka bungangain ako ni Mama sa bahay pag-uwi.

Natapos ang session kaya’t naglakad na kami ni Mama palabas. I felt something unusual, wala sa’ming dalawa ang may kusang magsalita. Ewan ko pero dapat ‘ata ay binubungaga na’ko ni Mama ngayon. Noon kasi, kahit simpleng baba lang ng grado ay pagsasabihan ka na niya. Mala-speaker pa naman si Mama kung magsalita kung minsan. But now, something was off. I should like it thou, pero parang hindi.

“Ma… He was my friend.” Pagsisimula ko. “It was unintentional, siya lang ang malapit sa akin no’ng time na ‘yon. Besides, siya lang ang nakakaintindi sa akin sa buong batch namin Ma…” Then she cut me off.