Haikyuu!! Headcanons - ships & characters/teams

BokuAkaKuroTsukki scenario/s

How Tsukishima deals with homophobic asswipes featuring Bokuto, Kuroo and Akaashi:

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AkaTsukki

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Akaashi decides to wear a skirt out in the street with Tsukishima at his side on a calm walk. This boy fucking ROCKS a skirt.

A homophobic asswipe walks past, noticing Akaashi's skirt and attempts to sneak a photo, failing miserably as Tsukishima turns around to give the asswipe a death glare.

"Why are you taking inappropriate pictures of my boyfriend?"

The asswipe's face morphs into disgust.

"What the fuck, that's disgusting. Fucking gay *insert offensive slur*!!!"

Akaashi is genuinely upset and leans into Tsukishima's side, gripping his shirt with a shaky hand and eyes burning with unshed tears.

The blonde gets angry. Very fucking angry.

"Alright you disgusting poorly tied up failure of your dad's condom, listen the fuck up. Number one, NEVER disrespect my fucking boyfriend or I will chop off your one incher and shove it down your fucking trachea. Number two, taking pictures of ANYONE with inappropriate intent and no permission is a crime and I can easily get you locked up. Number three." Tsukishima's eyes darkened dangerously, a terrifying smirk adorning his pale features.

"Saying homophobic shit like that just gives it away that you want a picture of the underneath of a man's skirt to jack off to because you're a fucking lonely dickhead with no girl to fuck. Now, I'd suggest you fucking scram before I get really fucking angry and end up in jail for committing murder."

And with that, the homophobic asswipe ran off like a scared cat from a cucumber.

Tsukki sighed and hugged Akaashi tightly, kissing the top of his head.

"Are you okay, baby? I'm sorry for getting so defensive..."

Akaashi just laughed softly and leaned up to press a kiss to Tsukki's cheek.

"That was wicked, Babe."

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BokuTsukki

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Bokuto drags a tired and unwilling Tsukishima to an arcade at six in the evening for a bit of fun after work.

Bokuto hugged Tsukishima after he won a game and kissed his cheek excitedly, fanboying over his boyfriend's skills in pointless arcade games.

"Please, sirs, refrain from any homosexual bullshit in the arcade - there are children here."

Bokuto and Tsukishima turned to look at the short ass fucking Karen behind them and Bokuto pouted, his eyebrows furrowing.

"Ma'am, I'm sorry, but there is nothing wrong with me being proud of my boyfriend and giving him affection! Plus, how do children come into this conversation?"

The motherfucking Karen huffed, turning to Bokuto with a disgusted face.

"Children will get confused and grow up to be homosexuals if they see gay men and women being affectionate with each other in public. You wretched *insert offensive slur* will corrupt their poor innocent brains."

Bokuto shrunk down next to Tsukishima, making the blonde start to inwardly fume. He turned to the Karen and glared.

"Okay, Karen, listen here because I will say this once and once only." He started, "You can kindly piss off with your homophobic bullshit excuses about children being 'corrupted' into being gay. Children should become accustomed to seeing homosexual relationships in every day life so that they don't get the wrong idea and think that it is wrong to not be straight. As those children grow up, they will figure it out themselves if they are gay or straight. What others identify as will never determine how growing kids will grow up to be. So fuck off with your sad, single ass and homophobic shit and have some fucking respect before someone messes up your ridiculously permed hair."

Karen was in utter shock and walked off in a huge strop, yelling about 'respecting elders' and calling for the staff and complaining, only to get ridiculous looks and being kicked out of the arcade.

Bokuto immediately brightened up, his eyes sparkling.

"THAT WAS SO AWESOME TSUKKIIIIIII!!!!" Bokuto grabbed Tsukishima in an asphyxiating bear hug, making them both grin and laugh a little.

"Thanks, Kou. I hate Karens."

Bokuto giggled, nuzzling his nose into Tsukki's cheek.

"Me too!"

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KuroTsukki

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It wasn't rare that random girls would walk up to both Kuroo and Tsukishima and flirt with them like it was their last day on earth. Today was no different.

"You're so hot and muscular and handsome-"

"You look so perfect, I'm jealous of your girlfriend!"

"Oh my god please can I have your number?"

Twirling their ridiculously shiny and long hair around their fingers and pouting their lips as if to try and look cute and tempting.

"Sorry, ladies, as beautiful as you two are, we are both happily taken." Kuroo would reply in hopes to get the women to back off.

To no avail.

"Oh, well I'm really jealous!"

"I bet she's not as pretty and good in bed as I am!"

Tsukishima sighed and stood tall, looking down at the two girls.

"We are taken by men. Now please leave us alone."

Kuroo grimaced.

The girls' faces morphed from swooning to utter disgust in less than a second.

"Are you joking? You're gay? How repulsing-"

"What the fuck, that's so gross and wrong!"

Kuroo went to speak up, but got cut off by a very angry sounding Tsukishima. Goddamnit time to simp-

"Listen here, ladies. I'm not in the mood for any of your unoriginal and ineffective homophobic comments. Neither is he. So leave your ridiculous bullshit about how gay is 'wrong' and 'disgusting' and go find some other buff, sexy and sweaty balled men to try and get into bed with. Not that you'll have much luck, considering you're both such ignorant, rude and disrespectful assholes. Now scram, before I get the police on the line for you two harrassing us."

The girls both turned away, complaining like a teenager on her period with no food or cuddles from anyone. As they walked off, Kuroo turned to Tsukki and grabbed him by his wrist, pulling him into an alleyway near their location and brings him into a heated kiss, pushing him against the wall gently and shoving his tongue down the other's throat with no shame.

After a good few minutes, they broke their kiss, panting for breath and faces flushed dark red.

"Fuck, Kei, that was so goddamn hot-"

"Oh my god Kuroo-san please, stop simping over my tired and angry gay ass-"

"Never!"

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:P