Kaz Brekker x reader

Chapter 14 | chaos

The rain ceased rather quickly for a stormy night. Kaz decided to outdo himself and take that opportunity to start a campfire outside and cook some food.

"Are you hungry?" He asked as I walked towards him with a rug wrapped around my figure.
"Or just coming to lecture me?"

"I have no intentions on lecturing you Kaz, you're old enough to learn things on your own."
I tried to keep my calm as I watched the small flames of the fire dance while he looked up at me.
"Jesper fixed your cane," I spoke while pulling his cane out from under my rug.

He reached out and took it from my hold before examining it closely. He rapped his fingers around the handle and nodded in gratitude.
"You plan on leaving as Inej does?" He questioned without looking at me.
I had my hands folded over my chest under the rug while I gazed out into the night sky. 

"I can't go back to Kirigan," I mumbled while looking down at my feet.
Exhaling deeply, I raised my chin and swallowed my nerves as I stared out in front of me.
"Kirigan sent me on the sandskiff as punishment for my crimes. He didn't care if I made it out alive or not." I explained while my voice slightly cracked. Kaz was watching my every move from the corner of his right eye.

"Because you killed your parents?" Kaz questioned as he rotated the rabbit over the fire.

"I..." I tried to articulate but no words would come out. No words ever did come out when I was addressed about this subject. Yet Kaz was the first and only to hear my side of the story.
"Kirigan and I had a complicated relationship when I first joined his personal guard.
I wasn't exactly controllable." I explained as Kaz stared up at me in interest.
"My ability to control fire had been a nightmare at first. No matter how experienced my personal trainers were I never fully learned how to control it.
So...Kirigan helped me. No one else knew that he had an effect on my abilities when he touched me. He was like a living amplifier."
I paused for a moment as I sniffled and reverted my eyes to the fire while running my hands up and down my biceps to keep the warmth.
"Our relationship quickly switched after that. We went from associates to love interests." I mumbled as Kaz shifted his eyes away from my figure as if he was waiting to hear those words.
"He lied to me on multiple occasions, about everything. He lied about my freedom, he lied about my parents health, he lied about my future our future, he lied about his feelings and whatnot."

"So you burned down a building with your parents inside?"

"I was devastated and furious, I lost control."
Kaz looked up from the fire to meet my eyes as he bit the inside of his cheeks. His eyes were filled with hatred and spite for Kirigan I would presume.

"You made the right choice." He spoke clearly.

"Excuse me? You think killing my parents was the right-"

"Letting her go...Alina you let her go, it was the right choice." He interrupted as he looked down at the fire. I calmed my breathing and shut my mouth as I observed the highlights on his face caused by the fire.
"She's real, she's more valuable to us out there than in the hands of Dreesen." He exclaimed causing me to giggled loudly.
"What?" He questioned as I calmed my laughing.

"Kaz Brekker finally believes in Saints?"

"Hardly."

"But you just said-"

"I said that Alina Starkov is real and that she's more valuable to us as a Grisha than as a captive." He interrupted as he looked me straight in the eyes.
"She's a girl with a gift, not some saviour of lore!"

"Fine." I signed while tightening my rug around my shoulders.
"Kaz if not Saints, what do you believe in?"

"Myself." He whispered.