You Rock My Heart

My brain is fine

Hongjoong had finally woken up after the surgery and found himself in a hospital bed, surrounded by beeping machines. His painkillers were still blocking the pain but he could tell he was going to hurt a hell of a lot later. His arm and ankle were broken as well as multiple ribs. They had told him that when he'd arrived, which he was honestly surprised to remember as he was in immense pain at the time. At the moment though, the biggest pain was not being able to perform. With a broken ankle he'd never be able to dance or even stand on stage and with a broken arm he'd never be able to even play. He wanted to let out his frustrations but the nurse had said a group of boys had come to check on him and he didn't want to let them feel down. He tried to readjust himself so that he didn't feel quite as pathetic as he heard the door open.

"Hongjoong!" cried Jongho and Yeosang who immediately came to his side.

"Oh my god we were so worried!" said Yeosang, his eyes watery. He brushed his fingers through Hongjoong's hair.

"Don't worry, I'm fine, see?" Hongjoong smiled, holding up his good arm.

"But your right arm—"

"I know," he sighed. "You guys are going to have to go on without me. I'm really sorry—"

"Sorry?? You didn't ask the elevator to break on you! Don't you say sorry to us you didn't do anything wrong!" Jongho commanded and Hongjoong laughed.

"Of course, sorry," he smiled.

Just then he heard the door open but Yeosang took his attention as he started grabbing at his face.

"Are you sure you're okay? You didn't suffer any head injuries or anything right? That could be really damaging!"

"If I had I think moving me around like that would probably make them worse!" he laughed as Yeosang quickly jumped back apologizing.

"You're okay my brain is fine. Thankfully."

He smiled at the two and turned back towards the door to see San with another man who was heading towards the door. He immediately recognized the familiar face.

"Seonghwa?" he mustered.

Seonghwa turned back and they looked at each other for a long time. Hongjoong couldn't decide what feelings he wanted to have. His immediate reaction was anger. He wanted to yell at him to leave and never come back, having assumed their fight was the last he'd ever see of him. He wanted to give him a piece of his mind. But at the same time he could see his soft eyes and how worried they looked staring down at him. He wanted so badly to hug him and tell him he was okay. He wanted to kick everyone else out and cry it out on Seonghwa's shoulder. He didn't realize he'd even be brave enough to show his face here but was secretly grateful he had.

"Seonghwa drove us here because we didn't have a car. He was really worried so I told him he should come in," explained San, looking back and forth between them.

"I—I can go now, I just wanted to make sure you were okay," stuttered Seonghwa as he made his way out to the hallway.

Every fiber in his being told Hongjoong to call for him, to ask him to come back. But he didn't. He knew that as much as Seonghwa appeared to care, he didn't feel the same way. He didn't care the way Hongjoong cared. Hongjoong was aware now of how quickly he jumps to do things for Seonghwa and how little he thinks of himself. He needed to let him go. He didn't need to feel all of this confusion right now.

"I'm sorry I didn't think it would be too big of a deal I didn't mean to upset you—" San started, rushing over to Hongjoong.

"It's fine. I'm over him I just need space."

"I'm sorry." San paused, looking at his leader bedridden and broken. "We're going to have to cancel the performance."

"What—why?" Hongjoong asked.

"Wh—because you have like ten broken bones! You can't possibly be thinking of performing like that!?"

"You don't need me to perform! You still have a singer and a drummer and you can cover my solos, San! You're a better guitarist than me anyways," laughed Hongjoong.

"You can't be serious! The show isn't more important than caring for our friend! You can't expect us to just go on without you?"

"Actually I command it. You guys will show them that even with three people we're the better band, alright?"

The three laughed sadly but nodded their heads.

"Good. Now you should probably get back to the hotel and get practicing if you want to do it! It won't be easy but I believe in you guys. Make me proud!" Hongjoong smiled and the three nodded vigorously. Each member gave him a hug and then went back to the hallway, ready to take on the challenge.

As the door closed behind them Hongjoong couldn't hold back the tears anymore. He'd worked his whole life for this performance and he'd be stuck in a hospital bed while it happened. He wouldn't even get to cheer on his own band—much less play with them. It just wasn't fair. He had done so much to get to this point and he wasn't even going to perform.

After a while he tried his tears as a nurse came in with his lunch. She asked if he was doing alright and he smiled and nodded.

"Just a bit tired," he said, and he was mostly telling the truth.

She smiled back at him and drew the curtains so he'd have an easier time. After eating a bite of food he couldn't resist the temptation and drifted easily to sleep.