You Rock My Heart

It's about Seonghwa

After a long night, San and Hongjoong returned to their room, waving goodbye to Yeosang and Jongho. Hongjoong went right to his bed and plopped down on his back, letting out a sigh. San smiled at him and followed suit, sighing back. Hongjoong laughed.

"Today was a good day," Hongjoong said smiling.

"Yeah," agreed San.

They sat in silence for a while before Hongjoong decided it was time to see what was going on with San. He turned to say something only to find San was turning too.

"There's—there's something I need to talk to you about," San said looking down at the bed.

"Of course, go ahead," Hongjoong said softly.

"It's not about me. It's—" San paused, seeming unsure about his next words. "It's about Seonghwa."

Hongjoong sat up with a jolt and turned his body to face San.

"How do you know his name?"

"It's kind of a long story."

"What do you mean? How could you know anything about him?"

"It's about his job."

Hongjoong was about to defend him when he realized he honestly had no idea what Seonghwa actually did for work. He talked about being busy all the time but Hongjoong never actually asked what it was that made him so busy. But how did San know? Did Seonghwa talk to him?

"He's not messed up in something bad if that's what you're thinking. It's just—this is so hard to say. I don't want to get in between you guys. You're so happy and I don't want to ruin it," San said turning away in frustration.

"San, what is it? Where did you get this information? Did he talk to you?"

"No it wasn't him. It was one of his friends. My ex."

"You mean, your ex from Wonderland? Why would he know Seonghwa?"

"Because—because Seonghwa is the leader of Wonderland."

San felt his heart sink as he watched Hongjoong's reaction. His eyes sank to the bed, wide with shock. His mouth sat open in disbelief.

"You mean, Seonghwa is...my biggest rival? That—that can't be true—I would've figured it out—"

"I'm really sorry Hongjoong. When we figured it out we didn't think it was fair to keep you both in the dark so we decided to tell you and let you process it."

Hongjoong ran his hand through his hair in confusion.

"No, no that can't be right it just can't! Of all of the people—how could we—why him?"

San bit his lip feeling guilty for making his friend so upset. But he reminded himself that he would've found out at some point and it was still better to hear it from a friend than from social media.

"I'm sorry joong," San said again.

Hongjoong curled his legs up onto the bed and sat rocking in silence for a few minutes. Finally he asked,

"Does Seonghwa know?"

"No."

"Good."

"Really?"

"If I know him as well as I think I do, I'm sure that he would not take it well. He already has so much distrust and finding out will only drive him further from me. And I don't want to lose him again."

"You're going to have to tell him at some point, Hyung," San reminded him softly.

"I know. FUCK!" Hongjoong yelled, kicking his foot down onto the bed and startling San.

"FUCK FUCK FUCK!" He slammed his heels into the bed, grabbing a pillow to his chest tightly.

"Hyung—"

"I know, I know. It's just—I love him so much and I don't see any way that this will work out. If I tell him now he probably won't give me another chance since I'm already on thin ice as it is. He has a really hard time trusting me and everyone around him and to learn that we're actually rivals is going to cause him to close up on me again and I don't think I'll be able to get him back. But if I wait and give us time to get closer before revealing the truth it will hurt him even more, knowing that I kept it from him intentionally. There's no right fucking answer!" Hongjoong curled his legs in again and pressed the pillow to his face as sobs started to push their way out.

San couldn't stand seeing him like this and moved to the other bed and wrapped his arms around him.

"I just want him so bad, San. I was already struggling enough as it is and now I have another obstacle in my way. A big fucking obstacle."

"I'm really sorry hyung."

"Don't be, I'm glad you told me. I just—I wish it weren't true."

San leaned his head on his leader and wrapped his legs around his torso.

"It really sucks."

"Yeah."

"So what do you think you're going to do?"

"I don't know yet. I'm going to need some time to think, I really don't want to mess this up."

"You'll make the right choice Hyung. And I think he really likes you too and no matter what, he'll come around. You just have to be honest with him."

"Thanks San. I'm not so sure but I hope you're right."

The two sat together for a while until Hongjoong checked the time and realized it was getting late.

"Shoot we have the photo shoot for our face reveals tomorrow morning! We really need to get some sleep!" he laughed, grabbing a tissue to dry his face.

"I totally forgot!" laughed San and the two hurriedly started getting ready for bed.