You Rock My Heart

Hey hyung...

The tension on the bus was high as Seonghwa entered. He could see that Wooyoung was planning on sitting in the back with Yunho and Mingi, so he decided to avoid further conflict and stayed up front. He hated feeling the fear of the other members and wished he could go apologize but he didn't have any right to do so at the moment. The best thing he could do was give them some space. After all, they'd be living together for the next few weeks so they'd have plenty of time to talk.

After an hour of riding Seonghwa dared another glance to the back, seeing Wooyoung with his hood up sleeping against the window. Yunho and Mingi were sharing headphones in the back but Mingi had fallen asleep on Yunho's shoulder at some point and now Yunho listened on his own while stroking Mingi's hair. Seonghwa smiled at how cute his members were. He turned back to the front to avoid the dreaded wave of guilt rising up inside him and tried to focus on the competition.

———

Seonghwa awoke with a start as the bus hit a bump in the road and he rubbed his eyes groggily. He couldn't remember when he'd fallen asleep but he felt a bit refreshed to have caught some sleep before arriving at the hotel. Just then he heard someone coming up the aisle and he turned to see Wooyoung approaching.

"Hey hyung," he said slowly while taking a seat next to Seonghwa.

Seonghwa didn't know how to start as he was so worried he'd mess up again and he sat staring at his member in silence.

"I wanted to apologize for missing practice. You're right, the band comes first. I should've let you guys know. I don't want you to think I don't care I really do—"

Seonghwa's instincts kicked in before he knew what he was doing and he pulled Wooyoung into a tight embrace.

"You don't have to be sorry. I'm the one that screwed up. You were obviously not okay and I didn't give you time to explain yourself, I just scolded you without reason. Don't you ever apologize for putting yourself first. I'm sorry I've been such a sucky leader. You all deserve so much better."

"Hyung..." Wooyoung whimpered, starting to tear up.

"I mean it. All I've done is scare you guys into overworking yourselves and forced you to feel like you need to hide everything from me. If I was a decent leader I would have taken time to listen."

Wooyoung pulled away.

"Don't say that, you're a great leader. Sure you're a little hard on us but we can tell it's because you care a lot."

"No it's because I didn't care that I yelled. I didn't take your feelings and wellbeing into account and I just focused on myself and it caused a great divide between us. I'm really sorry Woo. I'd really like to be there for you."

"You're here now," Wooyoung smiled, his eyes a bit misty. He pulled his hyung into another hug and then leaned back in his chair.

Seonghwa proceeded cautiously.

"Did you want to talk about what happened?"

"No, it's kind of personal. It's not that I don't trust you I just don't think I'm ready yet."

"That's okay take your time," Seonghwa smiled, but he couldn't help but feel dejected. He wished Wooyoung would share his pain so that he wasn't hurting so much but he wanted to respect his wishes and not overstep.

"Thanks hyung. I'll tell you when I'm ready. For now I'm okay. We've got a competition to win so that's what's important, right?"

"Right," Seonghwa smiled, feeling a bit like he was watching himself. Had he really pushed the competition so much that even his own bandmates were ignoring their feelings 'for the sake of the band?' He knew that was something he did as a leader but he didn't realize the effect it was having on his members. He didn't want to push the situation so he didn't say anything but he hoped he could change that mentality.

He was just grateful to have made up with Wooyoung and to have said what he desperately wanted to say. He'd expected to need time to prepare his words at the hotel but the spontaneity of their conversation brought out the authentic and raw emotions they needed to connect. Wooyoung had started to fall asleep again so Seonghwa removed his sweatshirt and set it on Wooyoung as a blanket. They were pretty close to the hotel anyways so he wouldn't get too cold. Now that things were getting better with his band, he had high hopes for their performance at the festival. He was still a bit anxious but ready to take on any challenge as long as he had his members behind him.