2022 WATTYS SHORTLISTED || After being forced into a marriage by her devoutly religious parents, Aspen's husband is diagnosed with a life-limiting illness, and she must find her purpose as well as fight feelings for her husband's nurse. || Aspen Wat...
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Guilt is like a parasite; as soon as it grabs hold, it doesn't let go. It keeps sucking away, taking every inch of you until you're nothing.
The guilt is eating at me like a parasite even four hours after my dad walked out of Hannah's house. Even while Nick tries to distract me with his game or talking about the wedding, I can't stop thinking about my dad.
The thing about parasites is that they leave you feeling drained because they take all your blood and energy. That's exactly what the guilt has been doing for two years now, and not just about my dad meeting his biological grandchild.
"Maybe I should text him," I say for the fourth time.
"No, my daisy. He told you he needed time. Let him digest it. This was the point of doing this meeting before the wedding. He needs time, he will contact you when he's ready, okay?"
I sigh in response and put my phone down again. "I know you're right. I just don't want to admit it."
He chuckles. "That's why you love me. I'm your brain when yours can't work properly."
"I hate you," I joke.
"Hate you too!"
I watch him sigh and face me properly. His eyes meet mine and he smiles.
"I feel guilty," I admit. "My dad's heart broke earlier, it was obvious. Right or wrong, that is my fault. You know, my fault for giving him up, my fault for walking back into his life when I shouldn't. It's my fault that they have to meet, you know. You can argue with me on that point, but it doesn't stop it from being true. I know my dad did me wrong for years, but he didn't deserve that today. I feel guilty."
Nick sighs. "I'm not going to argue with you. In a sense, I suppose you're right. The thing is, though, we explained the situation to him, he knew what was going to come. If he wants to be in your life, that means he has to be okay with the fact that Gabriel is a part of that package. He knew what could happen today, he knew that it was going to be emotional, and he chose to continue with meeting him. He will get over it, he will move forward just like you have. Whether your dad accepts it or not has no bearing on the fact that we are getting married, and Gabriel is my brother."
I look down. He gently moves my head, so I look back at him instead.
"Your dad will be fine. You have nothing to feel guilty about. He chose to be in your life, and he knew the conditions of that. It's time you stopped feeling guilty about everything in your life, my daisy."
I feel a tear escape my left eye as I blink. "I know you're right... but I can't help it."
"I know. But the more I tell you, the more it might settle into that brain of yours," Nick says with a smile.
